The.Legendary.Giulia.and.Other.Miracles

We're running away because we weren't given the right weapons to fight with.

We didn't win,

but we didn't lose either.

Let's say it was a draw,

a draw with the Camorra, in an away game, though.

That's like the parish team drawing with Real Madrid

at Santiago Bernabeu.

But we nearly succeeded in doing something good, Dad.

THE GIULIA AND US

The handles were supposed to match the black bodywork.

It was on the contract. Matching handles.

I waited six months and the car

comes with chrome handles!

You're incompetent!

Mr. Rossetti, we apologise. But Giovanna has a solution for you.

Come with me, please.

My dear Diego,

when a customer brings us a problem,

we are mortified,

we don't really give a damn, but we are mortified.

I don't know what's wrong with you lately and I don't care.

But we sell cars here

and when necessary...

- We're mortified. - Good.

"Country&Farmhouses"

I was wondering if you fancied going away for the weekend...

There's this place in the country...

It's a bargain, we could open a nice restaurant.

You've not learnt your lesson?

Look,

"founded in 1910",

and in 5 years you destroyed it.

Just like our marriage!

I'll bring you your share next week.

Are you turning it into an Indian restaurant?

No, an Italian grocer's, but an efficient one.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Excuse me, is that your car?

Yes.

That place is reserved for the disabled.

I didn't see the sign...

Dear watch-loving friends, welcome to the programme!

Your friend Fausto has an amazing piece for you today.

Ten Crush military stopwatches with Swiss workings.

Crystals made according to NASA research.

This little jewel... that you can see...

here...

This jewel I will describe to you right after our theme tune.

I just can't work like this!

Sergio, who's on lighting? Of course no one's buying!

They can't see them! It's normal...

The lighting's fine as it is.

Sergio, you're taking advantage, but I pay you for this space.

You owe us 30,000 euros.

The exploitation of labour in the capitalist system

offends the workers.

You either pay up or this is your last slot.

I've got my hands on some real estate, a luxury resort.

You've got the money you made from swindling Tele Rieti.

Fausto, I know where you live.

Remember I occupied 52 apartments with my comrades from the collective.

On the air.

I will break your legs

and report you to the trade unions.

I'll give you a week, then I'll break into your home.

- 4... - 3... - 2... - 1...

On the air!

Watch lovers...

Have you done anything nice today?

Nice...

I sold two cars.

But nice ones.

Two big cars,

the ones with the chrome handles.

Your life is shit.

The world's full of people who hate their jobs.

Still reading that magazine?

You've been underlining things for 10 years and never called anyone.

I've found an interesting one

but it's a bit far away.

When I opened my first art gallery in Portofino,

I opened at 10 and by 12 I'd already sold a Dalì to a German.

Yes, but it was a fake.

Do me a favour.

There's some money in an account...

Dad, I know, you've told me a thousand times.

I'm dying, you do know that?

You're a wimp, you do know that?

Christ,

you just don't react to anything I say!

Promise me...

Promise me that you'll do at least one good thing in your life.

Promise me!

It's not nice to be late for an appointment.

My appointment's at 11. I'm dead on time.

- No, you arranged to meet me at 10. - And me at 10:30.

Wait a minute, I'm not the estate agent.

Oh, sorry.

It looked like the uniform.

You even look like an estate agent, no offence meant.

I've come to look around the farmhouse too.

Don't lose your temper.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Shall we do one tour, so I don't have to explain it three times?

Come this way.

You're wearing the same suit...

As you can see, first impression is amazing,

then upstairs we have: six bedrooms, dining-room, kitchen,

two bathrooms, the walls are thick, the way they used to build them.

An earthquake couldn't knock these down.

This way!

100 square metres of terrace with a view.

A fantastic location, town just 10 minutes away.

The sun rises here

and sets...

here.

This way!

6,000 square metres of courtyard. Orchard, olive grove,

you get 3-400 litres out of this!

Room to build a pool, they've already dug a hole for it.

Church...

Is it deconsecrated?

Consecrated, deconsecrated. Half and half. This way.

And lastly, a storage area you can use for anything.

The last owners were setting up a holiday farm,

but after squabbles in the family

they decided to sell.

- Notice the beams on the ceiling. - They're rotten, they'll collapse.

They won't, they've been there since the 1800s.

They collapse when you're convinced they won't collapse.

My cousin's in a wheel chair thanks to a falling cherry-tree branch.

Also there since the 1800s. I'll wait here.

Okay.

- Is the 90,000 negotiable? - You mean 190,000.

No, it said 90,000. It said 90,000 in the magazine.

In big print.

It must be a printing error.

But it's still an interesting price.

Anyone who buys this place will get a bargain.

We've had a nice trip to the country. Perhaps it was a genuine mistake...

- No, that would make it even worse... - Diego.

This country's falling apart because no one cares about their work!

It's still worth the money.

There's a lot of work to be done, but it's a bargain.

- Not for me. - Are you pulling out?

I don't like that branch at all.

It might be worth the money,

but I can't afford it.

You know what we could do?

We could go into business together. Pay half each.

You mean a third each.

But I'm not going into business with strangers.

It's a bit of a gamble.

I was joking. I don't know you!

Two of my friend's friends ended up with a lawsuit that's lasted 10 years.

Well, let's swap phone numbers...

You never know what might happen in life.

- I've got this. - Here.

You sell cars?

- And you have a grocer's shop? - Yes, sort of.

- And are you a showman? - Why, didn't you recognise me?

I'll say goodbye, it's getting late and I have another appointment.

Yes, I have to go...

- It's still Diego. - It's written on here.

I'll be off then.

"PUTTING THE ALARM ON?

I WILL BREAK INTO YOUR HOME, I WASN'T JUST SAYING THAT

YOU HAVE TO PAY UP. SERGIO...

I don't understand this.

3,100 euros of extras and the metallic paint is separate.

I'm not paying extra for metallic paint.

Rebecchini, it's for you.

Excuse me a second.

Yes?

Speaking.

I was looking at the brochure. Are you listening? Cat got your tongue?

I'm sorry,

my father's just died.

The S Tronic gearbox is separate too, are you charging me for that?

Let's talk about this amazing car:

it's so powerful, 300 horsepower.

It's perfect for when you're stuck in the traffic.

The three reduced gears are ideal for parking on the pavement.

The only problem is with the paintwork...

because in strict confidence, metallic paint is easily scratched.

In the morning you'll find "asshole" engraved on your bonnet with a nail.

And you'll be rightly upset after how much it cost you.

But don't focus on the metallic paint,

focus on the "asshole",

because that's free of charge. The way you like it.

I'm mortified.

What a fool,

I've waited for years for life to give me a sign,

without realising I'd been given one some time before.

The sign that time is racing by,

that if I'd never tried to do something good,

as my father wished, it was now time to do it.

We are the "Plan B generation".

It's so depressing working in this country,