Mr. Pickles

My chest hurts.

- Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh. - Yeah, shut up, bitch.

Move it, fleabag.

- Hi! - Shut up, loser.

I'm not a loser...

Mr. Pickles!

S01E05 Dead Man's Curve

Good idea, boy. This is gonna be

- the best soap box derby ever. - Oh.

Dad? I'm not bringing you food anymore.

I can't leave my room. Last time I took a shower,

Mr. Pickles replaced my soap with a human face.

Aah! Aah! I used my gardening gloves,

and they were filled with a human face!

I opened up my book, and out fell a human face!

Mr. Pickles is evil. Why won't anybody believe me!

- Ohh. - Ooh, sorry, honey. I'm late!

Aren't you gonna have breakfast?

- Some of us have jobs to get to. - Taking care of this house is a job, too.

Good one, honey.

- Bye! Off to work! - Oh!

Not only does Miravac 2000

come with a warranty, but it's cordless!

We're off to check out the racecourse, mom!

- Tommy, the mess! - Let me get that.

We don't want anybody to think mom's not doing her job.

- Huh. Maybe we do. - Okay.

Oh, a lot of dogs are scared by vacuums.

- Ah! - Watch!

- Shello, Tommy! - Oh, hi, sheriff!

You'll never make it around

- dead man's curve. - Dead man's curve?

They call it that 'cause it's a curve.

And if you go off, you'll be dead, man.

I'm not worried! My car's tip-top!

Whee! Uh-oh!

Oh! Oh! Whoa, oh! Ooh!

Whew, glad I wore a helmet.

- Do another one. - Oh, all right.

"Goodman, if you don't make a sale,

- you're fired!" - Goodman!

Oh, boss! That was perfect.

- Huh? - I've got something to do.

So I want you to sit in my office today.

And if anyone calls, just pretend you're me.

And don't screw it up or...

I'm fired?

Hey, Mrs. Goodman!

- What you doing? - Showing Stanley

what it would be like if I didn't have a job.

- Food fight! - Ooh!

You girls are crazy.

- Jell-o fight! - I'm taking

the vacuum to the movies! Bye!

Egg fight!

Chair fight!

Look!

Aah!

- Aah! - Who are you?

They call me "the kid" 'cause back then,

I was the coolest kid in old town. There was one dame who had my heart...

Sally Wilton. Oh, she had me all doll dizzy.

But someone else had his eyes on her...

- Donny "Skids" McGeelton. - No!

We decided we'd race for her heart.

But they always said I'd combed too hard.

And that night, they were right.

- No! - The kid!

And since then, I I've been trying to get out

of this seat belt. Oh, the thought of Sally

is what's kept me alive. Well, that and rats.

So how'd you get down here?

I wrecked my car before the soap box derby race.

Help me get my Sally back,

and I'll help you build a new car.

But how will you get free?

- What the... I'm free! - I'm lookin' for the guy

- who's been stealin' my Wi-Fi. - You lookin' for me?

Pipe down!

- You suck! - I know!

It really sucks! Get it?

Hello? This is boss.

I'm calling with your daily report on Mr. Goodman.

He's not at his desk. Can I have a jelly bean now?

Yes, but no more reports on Goodman, okay?

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Ah.

Table fight! Wall fight!

Ooh, ow. These things fight!

Things sure have changed. Oh, no!

Cover up your knees, you whore! There's children out here.

But Sally's house looks just the same.

Get off of the sidewalk! Aah!

Wow. Hey, what are you doing?

Aah!

Come in! Sally!

- You're not the pizza man. - The thought of you

is all that's kept me alive for 70 years.

He had to eat rats and drink their pee!

Let me do this one, kid. I swore that if I survived,

- I'd come back and ask you to ma... - What?

Hey! Where's the freakin' pizza, yo?

- Hey, playa. - Skids?