American Dad!

Planet crust... 59.6% silica.

Again with the silica. It's always silica.

Scan complete. Minimal resources detected.

Planet has low potential.

Looks like my decision's made for me.

Navigation, set course for home.

What the?

Fuel core not found.

Switching to reserve power.

Reserve power sufficient for orbital launch.

That's good news.

Reserve power depleted

by orbital launch calculations.

That's bad design.

I gotta find that fuel core.

Can't let the inhabitants see me.

Shit.

Salutations, fellow traveler.

Well, you don't look like you're from around here.

You must be a hobo!

A poor hobo wandering the desert like an Israelite.

I'm Freddy Underwood, Bible salesman and good Samaritan.

And you're coming with me.

- I don't want to. - I insist.

So you're taking me prisoner?

I'm taking you for a hot meal.

So you're gonna eat me, then?

I don't eat hobos!

Not since the Great Depression.

As reports come in of a large crash

somewhere in the desert of what some are saying was

an unidentified flying object.

I'm not much for news unless it's the good news.

Used to be a preacher. Preached the good book.

Then something happened. Now I sell the good book!

Don't believe in it anymore because of what happened.

And here we are!

Grandma Macadoo's boarding house.

You're gonna like her.

She's a warm, earthy woman...

but saltier than Lot's wife!

I got a hungry one for you, young Miss Macadoo.

Little guy with long arms?

I dropped a dirty sex book

on the far side of my claw-foot tub.

If you can reach it, I'll give ya a big plate of chipped beef.

He's runnin' away.

Grandma, this jackrabbit's head's all mushy!

Gross!

Can I make his head all mushy?

Oh good, I'm up!

Rip Van Winkle rises!

I need to go.

Suit yourself.

Someone smells that chipped beef.

Chipped beef again?

What did think you were getting, Luis?

A salad?!

None for me, please.

Watching my figure.

Screen stars have to stay trim.

I'm Roslyn Jenkins, not that you know the name yet.

I'm in New Mexico for a brief respite.

Then I'm off to be a young ingenue for

Metro Goldwyn and Mayer.

You've been here nine years.

You're 60, right?

I'm not 60!

It's this damn dry air.

Uncle Cosworth, you joining us?

Soon as I get this old girl loaded.

Uncle Cosworth is one of the last living Civil War veterans.

He liked shooting so much, he fought for both sides.

Clifton! Put your little club down and eat something.

You know, I heard on the radio that some people think

they saw a Martian spaceship last night.

Ya listen to my radio, ya pay me a nickel!

I'll tell you something. As a crop duster...

I'm a crop duster. I spend a lot of time in the air.

And I've seen my fair share of things in the sky

that I cannot explain.

Once I saw what appeared to be a black bird,

but it had the body of a mouse.

And it was nighttime!

Sounds like a bat to me, friend.

A what?!

I also fought in the Spanish-American War

in 1898.

Tremendous war.

I don't know what it was about,

but I'm sure we were the good guys.

Luis, you don't know when that airplane

is gonna drop like a stone.

You need to be at peace with the big bearded man

in the clouds.

You need a Bible.

But you don't believe in the Bible.

Some big bearded man in the clouds?

I'm not an idiot!

But you can't afford to take chances.

And I'd believe the Bible if I could, trust that, but I can't.

I'm locked out of the gates

because of all of those hobos I ate.

And if you make new chipped beef inside the old chipped beef,

you never have to wash the pot!

But do I make my debut in comedy or tragedy?

I mean, I can do both equal...

Clifton! It's dead already!

All done?

I suppose that means you'll be hitting the road?

Evening, madam. I'm with the OSS.

Wait, sorry, the CIA.

They just changed the name on us.

I'm Agent Avery Bullock.

Wait, sorry, Avery Bullock Senior.

I just had a son, and he changed my name on me.

Hello, citizens!

I'm sure you've all heard about a crash

that happened last night,

and maybe you've even heard it was a UFO.

A UFO? Can you imagine?

Do you want to know what it really was?

A weather balloon.

A common, everyday, you've-seen-it-a-thousand-times

weather balloon.

What is a weather balloon?

It's a type of balloon.

If it was just a balloon, why is the OSS here?

"Why is the CIA here?"

What's that thing you're carrying?

It's a tool for capturing weather balloons.

Now that I've answered all your questions flawlessly,

I have a question.

Have you seen any suspicious characters around?

Suspicious how?

Just suspicious. Not an alien or anything,

but maybe gray or green skin, maybe tentacles.

Assistance in finding someone like that

would be greatly appreciated.

And any resistance would be greatly unappreciated.

Mister, I know for a fact that every one of us

has seen a suspicious character...

in the mirror!

Well, I'll leave you to your joyless laughter.

Is it only six of you for dinner?

You better believe it!

Then why are there seven plates?

Do I hear the frightened whimpering

of a nasty little weather balloon in there?

Well, this didn't work.

I beg your pardon, madam.

Wait, you think I'm a woman? But I look ridiculous.

I've seen more fetching women, sure,

but you're no more homely than your very homely twin sister

I saw out in the dining room.

Because I look just like Grandma Macadoo.

Get out of my way! Chipped beef, chipped beef!

What in the twinly name

of Jacob and Esau!

I'm back from the bathroom, everybody, me,

Grandma Macadoo's sister.

Grandma Macadoo?

Why did you all say there were only six of you here?

Oh, no!

They couldn't hear you over the sound of your stomach

smelling the chipped beef!

I'll get you a bowl.

The secret to chipped beef is the creaminess,

and the secret to my creaminess is horse milk.

Sure, horse milk tastes like grass and smells like a horse,

and cow milk is way better in every way imaginable,

but I don't have a cow and I do have a horse.

Or I did, before I chipped it up and beefed it.

It's like I'm looking in a mirror.

Hobo? That's you, right?

Somehow?

One of the greatest acting performances I've ever seen!

You simply became Grandma Macadoo.

What makes my disguise so effective on humans?

Well, it's time I came clean about what I am...

a big ol' alien.

- Stop talking! - No, no, no, not our business!

Let me explain something to you, magical hobo.

We all came to the middle of nowhere for a reason.

We don't talk about the past

or who poisoned what daddy where

or why the well water went smelly.

And don't ask me about stealing my airplane,

which doomed my squadron.

I'm always joking about what I did,

but it really actually truly happened.

I did it! I ate 'em!

Can you, do me like you did Granny?

I used to preach the good book. Now I sell it!

Do me!

I'm a fresh young thing,

and my gorgeous little face looks like a river map.

I want to become a star by sitting here in the corner!