The Legend of Juan Jose Mundo

I know a guy who's tough but sweet.

He's so fine, he can't be beat.

He's got everything that I desire.

Sets the summer sun on fire

I want candy.

I want candy

Go to see him when the sun goes down.

Ain't no finer boy in town.

You're my guy, you're what the doctor ordered.

So sweet, you make my mouth water

I want candy.

I want candy.

Yeah!

Linda, what are you sitting back there for?

Come on.

I thought we had an understanding.

I don't want you sitting in the back.

I have you sitting up at the front for a reason.

Yeah, so you can look up her skirt.

- What's that, Kaplan? - Nothing.

Are y'all looking forward to the exchange students

coming this weekend?

Now, I know not everybody is a part of the exchange program,

but you can all be a part of it,

if you help them, if you talk to them,

if you show them what a great place White Plains is.

Remember, they're coming from Spain, not Mars.

They're just kids, like you.

Okay, Julie, can you pass these out, will you?

Homework sheets.

Please complete these by tomorrow.

Now...

Spanish isn't just a bunch of words that you got to learn.

It's a spoken language,

and we need to work on your pronunciation,

because the way some of you guys speak Spanish,

you sound like retards.

So today we're working on pronunciation.

Capisce? All: Capisce.

Okay.

Now, I want you to repeat after me in English,

but I want you to listen to my accent, okay?

Drove me Chevy to the levee.

Drove me Chevy to the levee.

That's good.

Drove me Chevy to the levee.

Drove me Chevy to the levee.

That's good.

Okay, have a great day.

Okay.

Take care now.

Oh, hey, Julie,

um, there's a problem with your exchange student.

Now, I don't know why, but she can't come.

Now, another student is taking her place, but it's a boy.

Now, I called your mother today,

and she seemed to think that it was a good idea,

but she wanted me to check with you first.

You mean he's staying with us?

Now, this is a great opportunity for him and for you.

Now, I-I'd hate for you to miss out on this exchange program.

You're a great student. You'll get a lot out of this.

Who is he?

His name is Juan Jose Mundo.

So, when I go to Spain, I have to stay with him there, too?

We can figure that out when you go to Spain in a few months.

But these kids, they're coming this weekend.

Well, it's weird.

So I can tell your mom that it's okay with you, right?

That at 73, he is too old to be running for re-election.

Today as he headed for his campaign stops in Michigan,

reporters in Washington asked...

- Do you need anything? - No. Thanks, hon.

Okay.

Last night I having dinner at The Sports Page with my family,

and the waiter was so cute.

He looked just like Christopher Atkins.

I swear that he was looking right at me.

- He was not. - I swear.

- How old was he? - At least 20.

How was he looking at you?

Like he was hot for me.

And I flirted, too.

When he asked me what I wanted,

I said, do you prefer the burger or the chicken?

And when he said "the burger," I said, okay.

I can't believe you did that.

I mean, he was making eyes at me the whole time.

I totally think he would have asked me out

if my parents weren't there, or my brother.

God, he was such a dick!

He sent back his fries because he said they were too crispy.

Seriously? That's so obnoxious.

I know. It was so embarrassing.

But we have to go back there.

- Now? - Yeah.

Come on, it's right down the hill from me. We can just walk.

Okay, fine. See you in ten.

Where are you going?

Suzanne's.

I can't believe you told Mr. Desilva

I was okay about this exchange student.

If I said no, there would be no trip to Spain in February.

Did you want that?

Debbie's gonna freak out when she finds out a Spanish boy

is staying in her bed.

If you want me to call Mr. Desilva,

- tell him to forget it... - No, I don't!

It's just... I wish that when someone asked me for my opinion,

they actually wanted it.

I've never done anything with a boy.

Well, what about that guy last summer

at Playland, though... Jeff?

Okay, I made that up.

Jeff was real!

It's just that nothing happened, okay?

He went in to kiss me, and I just froze

like, panicked or something.

I basically ran away.

- You made the whole thing up? - Well, kind of, okay?

I never really kissed a boy,

not in any way that would count.

I can't believe you never told me that.

Well, it's mortifying 'cause...

You wouldn't understand. You've done everything.

Only twice.

Okay, if they ask for ID, say we left them at home.

And don't ask for a screwdriver. That's a dead giveaway.

Mm-hmm.

Ask what's on tap.

- And don't smile, okay? - Mm-hmm.

Hey, can I get another?

Where he swore his love was true.

- Isn't he so fine? - Yeah.

I could totally see you guys together.

- Right? - Mm-hmm.

You girls know what you want?

Uh, what do you got on tap?

On tap, we got Miller High Life.

Do you have piña colada?

Do you have ID?

- Can I just get a Pepsi? - Me too.

No food?

- I dare you to go talk to him. - What?

Come on, I dare you. You have to.

You know you want to.

Sweet soft refrain.

Okay.

Of how he found you.

Lorraine.

Oh, yeah.

- Hey. - Hey.

Do you remember me? I-I was here the other night.

I was sitting over there.

I ordered a burger.

Oh, yeah, I remember.

Hold on.

You left these, right? I saved them for you.

Oh, yeah. Thanks.

Of how he found you.

Lorraine.

I...

- What happened? - He thought I left these here.

- Did you? - No.

I guess he thought I was somebody else.

No way, Vuarnets.

Those are sick!

Blessing in disguise.

They didn't tell you anything about him?

- He's not some schmuck. - He's not Son of Sam.

They're from a very nice Catholic school.

Some brand-new music coming up from The Police.

No.

No, no. I am tired of you messing with my presets!

But, Dad, The Police!

I don't want to hear that crap.

- I'm gonna go see Andy. - Okay.

- Hey, Julie. - Hey, Jason.

They should have been here over an hour ago.

Well, maybe their plane was late.

Hola, señora.

Uh, Julie.

Thank you for being so accommodating with the changes.

It's our pleasure.

Juan, vienes aquí.

Hello. My name is Juan Jose Mundo.

It is very nice to meet you.

If you have any questions or anything,

Julie can help you.

- Mom. - You have to help him.

I don't know how good his English is.

Oh, I-I think it is quite good,

but it could also be better.

Oh.

Well, is there anything special you want to do in America?

I want to do everything.

I love America

cowboys and hamburgers and Michael Jackson.

And I want to see a bar fight and drink root beer.

It's so weird. There's this boy living in Debbie's room.