Bullyparade: The Movie (Bullyparade - Der Film)

On the 9th of November, 1989 the borders opened. (Narrator)

Overjoyed people poured through from east to west.

It began as German reunification

but then turned into a huge stage for David Hasselhoff.

It all happened because GDR government spokesman, Gunter Schabowski,

during a press conference, accidentally read a memo,

proposing for the first time to enable citizens to leave the GDR.

Asked when this regulation would come into effect,

Schabowski answered:

As far as I know, it's effective immediately,

without delay.

With this memo Schabowski sealed the fate of the GDR

and made David Hasselhoff's appearance possible.

For over 20 years two brothers from Zwickau have been

developing a plan to prevent just such an appearance.

Ach, Scheisse!

- Jörg, camera on. - Wait. Camera on!

Good evening, my name is Jens Kasirske.

- Operating the camera is my brother Jörg. - Good evening.

We're at the East Zwickau shopping mile.

According to my calculations, we will travel,

-without altering our molecular structure--

into the past and change history.

Jörg, all set for November 9, 1989?

I'm all set. Motor, on!

Motor, running. Plutonium injectors, at maximum.

Atomic reaction, in ten seconds.

- Wait. - What is it?

If we do this we won't get our welcome money. (Begrüßungsgeld)

- We drank that a long time ago. - Oh yeah, what am I thinking? Gun it.

- The speedometer needle will break! - Fuck the needle!

- Jörg, what does the readout say? - 9th of November 1989,

- We are... - ... back in the Zone!

And therefore we decided, today,

to enact a regulation

which enables every citizen of the GDR

to leave by the border crossings.

Pavel Pipowitsch, New Prague Review.

It doesn't seem risk-free, comrade Schabowski.

An exodus of technicians could become problematic.

- Isn't that a bit drastic? - Pardon?

Have you thought this through?

So, comrades, I've been informed, here,

that such a communique has already been circulated today.

It should be in your possession.

Comrade Schabowski, when will it come into effect?

As far as I know, it's effective imm...

Forget it.

The border stays closed!

No wall-fall, no Hasselhoff.

- So, the wall remains? - I've heard nothing to the contrary.

- We lucked out, again. - Thank god.

That's how David Hasselhoff's performance came to be prevented. (Narr)

Jörg and Jens Kasirske celebrated their triumph

with pride and dignity.

Why they didn't also prevent the "Bully Parade",

remains unaccounted for.*

However an account* remains, of what happened in 1865 in the Wild West. (Narr)

We sent a message to the white man.

- General Motors? - What gives, Lieutenant?

We just got a friend-request by Face-buck.

- Who are the other two? - Face-buck's followers.

- What's it about? - A peace offer.

- What do you think? - Well, General,

we came to take the Indians' land and starve them out

so we can spread out here.

- We are immigrants. - I thought we were emigrants.

Yes, in Europe we're emigrants, here, immigrants.

- So, we're foreigners? - No, we're not.

Foreigners look very different. They have long hair and are...

somewhat darker.

- You mean, like the Indians? - Correct, sir.

Indians are foreigners.

They'll end up stealing our jobs, or our women.

The white man doesn't want peace, they've rejected our offer.

Let the first speaker, have the floor.

Shwing, shwang, shwong.

Winnetou...

Winnetou Chief of the Apaches!

- Ciao. - Ciao!

That went well.

Winnetou comes with peace in his heart.

Truth is like the storm. She blows only in one direction.

- It. - Pardon? - "It"... truth is neuter.

- I meant "she", the storm. - Oh, yeah?

- Whoever opposes her, will be blown. - Blown 'away', not "blown".

- Can you please stop it? - Okay.

- Winnetou has a dream... - The 3rd person is too impersonal.

Just say, "I have a dream."

- Good. Old Shatterhand has a dream! - Why me?

- You said, I should say that. - No, YOU should say "I have a dream".

- I said that. - No, you said "Winnetou has a dream".

And I'm Winnetou, what's your problem?

The problem is you don't listen to me and you don't improve.

- Nobody can listen to you. - You're as stubborn as your horse.

Without whom we wouldn't have found our way here.

- Oh, I have a compass. - Aha? You think so?

- Oh, there it is! - "Oh, there it is" I can't listen to this anymore!

- Here we go again. - Who always picks up after you?

You mustn't pick up after me, or go through my saddlebags.

You're just an insane pedant

that's why you don't even have a wife!

wife, wife!

- He can have my old lady. - Who'd want that old bat?

- Don't be rude. - Whatever.

It's always the same. Typical Asininebongs!

That's 'Assiniboine', idiot!

C'mere and say that, you jackass!

They're Kiowas, the Jakas canceled.

Kiowas, or Kiowere?

- We're gonna split. - I knew it.

- My ass fell asleep. - Stay, then.

Great. For this, I canceled my barbecue?

I really expected more.

I have a tracking lecture to go to.

I have a builder coming to my teepee today.

So, the buffet is off?

They were very disappointed over the failed peace summit. (Narr)

But, they also found it hard to clear the air of personal differences.

For this reason, the two blood brothers agreed to

a trial separation.

Several years later the Apache Chief set off to track down

Old Shatterhand, once more.

[Huh? I din't understand a word]

[But, can I just go behind the house for a pee?]

*

I sure didn't expect to see you.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

- We haven't seen each other for ages. - 15 years.

- That long already? - Yeah.

- And you have a boat rental now? - Mm.

- On the prairie? - Yeah.

- Since when do you wear a beard? - It's only for outdoors.

- Looks good, though. - Wanna try it?

No thanks.

You... I wanted to ask

if you were still...

- about our old history... - Yeah, so...

- Maybe we were both... - Yeah, good.

I wanted to ask you something, Old Shatterhand.

Please, don't call me Old Shatterhand, anymore.

- What, then? - Rudi.

- Rudi Shatterhand? - No, just Rudi.

Okay.

Rudi,

I have good news.

I met someone, her name is Annette.

Tomorrow's our wedding. - Ah? - Yeah.

Now, I want to ask you...

- Do you wanna be my best man? - Aw...

Don't you want to?

There's a problem.

For 15 years, I've had peace. No neighbors, no noise.

As soon as you come, it all starts again!

I think he's had enough, Chango.

Let's get him.

Slight hitch, Doc.

Well, looks like we'll have to put in some overtime.

Forget the overtime, Doc, you've blown it again.

- What makes you say that Chango? - It's true, Doc.

Look at you. You always blow it.

All we've ever done before, is scare patients.

- Be quiet, you chatterbox. - Take your hand out of my...

- Shut your yap and scratch my head. - Not again!

Ach, you stink! You've got rabbit pellets on your head.

I caught something to eat. What part of the turtle would you like?

- No thanks. - No?

I'm tying the knot! Can you imagine?

Well, it was about time, for me to take the plunge.

My heir is on his way.

- Did you think it through well? - Yeah, very well.

Good thing you weren't around.

How so?

That sort of thing invites bad luck.

Take my cousin, Chief Dancing Snake, for example.

He had to choose between his blood brother and his great love.

She forced his hand with: "it's either him or me."

- And what did he decide? - He's no longer alive.

But, that can't happen to me.

I found exactly the right one.

And it wasn't easy.

Ciao, I'm Apache Bachelor Winnetou.

Nice to see you all here.

I hope we'll have a good time.

In finding a squaw there are many factors at play.

For example, sharing leisure activities

is very important in a relationship.

And it's important to make a good impression on the first date.

There are many methods, and it doesn't matter how...

Stand aside.

...as long as, you leave your chosen one speechless.

Mary Ann, will you accept this rose?