The Magicians

- Previously on "the magicians"...

- Zillion bucks says the beast comes back any minute,

so what's the plan?

Okay, so here's the thing.

I can't really touch the knife.

We need the power of a god.

- I have gifted you my bestowal. Imbibe it.

- The more it burns, the less time we have.

There's a spell that seems strong enough.

These are my students.

- No one but you can be within 20 feet of the blast.

- Alice is going to take just a few minutes

to fully power up.

This is a cacodemon.

It'll grow much bigger.

Unleash these, and believe me,

they'll keep the beast plenty busy.

- Do you know what a niffin is? - No.

- It's when too much runs through you.

Only the magic is left.

Please... Fix...

My hands.

- Go... Fuck yourself?

I think I can help.

- Wow. I owe you for real.

- You could die if you don't get clear of the beast.

- You think I don't know how dangerous he is?

No. Not him. Us.

- Yeah, do what you want with him,

but not until I get Reynard.

We can't merely summon him.

A god can resist.

- I don't give a shit about getting him.

- You should. - I didn't summon him.

I didn't get raped by him.

I have no skin in this.

Reynard is targeting hedges.

- Did you put some kind of curse on the castle?

Did I?

- The spell that won world war ii

is called the rhinemann ultra?

Sounds like a not-so-great beer.

- Fine, it's a beer, but it's a beer that we can use

to kill the beast. - Meanwhile, penny comes back

with cool circa-1985 wrist chains.

- Yeah, super cool how they keep me from killing myself.

- And then Dean fogg gives you all matching tramp stamps?

I thought tramp stamps

were supposed to be on our lower back?

- God, I feel like I missed out on some crazy party

you'll be talking about for the rest of your lives.

- Say what you want, but we brought back weapons and a plan.

What do you have to show for yourself?

- Ta... Fucking... da.

Your royal accoutrement.

This is ceremony, people,

and I expect you to slather yourselves in it.

Thank you, eliot.

I missed you all.

And I was bored.

Come. Sit.

- Wait, is this really the most important thing

we could be doing right now?

I mean, the beast is still out there

waiting for us...

- the beast can wait for five minutes.

You are all kings and queens of fillory.

Well, almost all of you.

Just revel in your majesty for one fucking second.

Be regal, miscreants.

Mm.

- You're such a stupid, stupid, man.

I'm gonna kill you in your sleep.

- El... El... El, you okay?

Totally fine, why?

It's just...

You went away there for a minute.

- Nonsense. I feel great.

Have a seat.

I'm kind of on a clock here,

so we should talk strategy.

- Yeah, we already talked strategy,

so we just need to catch you up.

- You've been planning without me?

Yeah... when we were on earth.

What did you think we were doing?

- Eliot, we're not trying to exclude you.

You just weren't there.

No. No, I wasn't, was I?

Don't think I don't see how this works.

You disappear. You come back.

Matching tattoos, and now you're three against one.

I know exactly what you're planning.

- Don't touch me. - Sweetie?

You kind of sound insane.

Do I?

Because I promise you... I will not go down easily.

Oo-surpers.

Usurpers.

Whichever way you're supposed to pronounce it.

What just happened?

- He got like this on shrooms once.

I'll go talk to him.

I just remembered something that Julia said,

and it's starting to make a lot of sense.

- You talked to that bitch? - Yes, he did.

- It was a warning. Something the beast said.

Uh... god, of course. It makes sense.

I mean, he'd want to booby-trap his kingdom, right?

So apparently, he left curses behind.

Here, actually.

- So you think eliot might be cursed?

- I mean, she was vague, but I mean...

Did either of you notice

that eliot started acting strangely

once he took a drink from the goblet?

I mean, it could be poison or a potion.

- All right, well, we probably shouldn't drink from ours

just to be safe.

- Or maybe it was just some primo

fillorian shit that went up his nose,

and he's on the bad end of a trip

because he's him.

Did something happen to you?

Nope. Nothing.

I'm fine... penny.

- Wait. And now you're doing it.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

I mean like eliot.

You're acting all tweaky and shit.

Both: We're fine.

Clearly.

- Look, I think we can all agree that we have a problem here.

Eliot.

- He's high king. He's cursed.

- We have no choice but... - We have to kill him.

Exactly.

The thrones.

They're both cursed.

- This is hard for you. I get that.

It's hard for us too.

But it must be done.

Both: For fillory.

But don't tell Quentin...

I'm going to have to kill him too.

Right after margo.

Margo?

Margo.

Margo. Margo. Margo.

We got a serious problem, okay?

- I know. Eliot's cursed.

- No, no. Not just eliot. Alice and Quentin too.

Listen, whatever you do, do not sit on your throne, okay?

- Fine. Whatevs. I have a plan.

You gonna help me pick these?

- What's this? An antidote?

- Exactly. For the poison.

For the... what?

For the poison.

I have to drink it first, or I won't get eliot to take it.

Jesus. You're acting like this is your first regicide.

Also, it's not the thrones that are cursed.

I sat on mine, and I'm totally fine.

You sat on your...

Fuck.

Great. No, it's good.

Okay. - Stop.

This'll be over soon.

I'll deal with eliot and Alice and q.

You're welcome.

Shit.

- so, this is our little fox trap, huh?

Yeah.

So, you want to tell me

where you hooked up with your partner?

The dirty dozen?

Ah. Fillory.

Fine. Don't tell me.

Listen, I'm here. I want to help.

But that asshole seems like severe psychic damage.

Look, I get it, okay?

But he knows a spell to freeze a god.

I mean, you can't find that at your local safe house.

- Look, I have survived this long on my instincts,

and every one of them is telling me

that he is bad news.

He's gonna turn on me.

Or you. Or both of us.

- He can't, okay? We have an agreement.

Word as bond.

Those are tough to break.

But if anyone could, it's someone

who could freeze a god.

- Are you girls discussing the nature of our agreement?

Marina was just asking.

Straightforward.

I betray her, she cuts me to the quick.

- So, tell me, what happens after the tenets

of the agreement are met?

- Why worry? You'll be long gone by then.