Spoiler Alert

This isn't how our story was supposed to end.

But meeting you in the first place

was the plot twist I never expected.

- Mike, what do you got? - Fourteen years ago,

it was a most ordinary Tuesday.

Earth to Mike.

Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry.

I'm working on a piece titled,

"Every Gilmore Girls Character Ranked from Best to Rory."

Who's Rory?

She's one of the Gilmore Girls.

Which one?

She's the younger one.

Yeah, I don't get it.

Can you give me something about Fear Factor?

Sure, yeah. I'll give you something about Fear Factor.

My job at TV Guide was a dream,

especially as a kid who imagined his childhood was an '80s sitcom.

With Michael's younger brother,

and Michael's older brother.

Starring Michael Ausiello

as Michael Ausiello.

Hey, kids. I'm home.

Mom!

And featuring Mrs. Ausiello.

Come on. Our soap's about to start.

I remember watching daytime soap operas with my mom.

Nurse Angelique, how's the patient?

Not good, Dr. Underwood.

All those sad people in hospitals.

I was determined that my story was going to be a happy one.

And for a while, it was.

I fancied myself as the star of my very own workplace comedy.

Hey, princess.

A little Liz Lemon and a lot of Will Truman.

Holy crap.

That's Nick.

He convinces me to do things like go out to a club on a weeknight.

It is Jock Night at Nublu.

Yeah, so throw on something like this, and let's go.

I'm gonna get you laid.

- Come on. - That sounds really fun,

but I have to finish this piece on Fear Factor by tomorrow.

You work too much, and you need to get out more.

Come on.

Yeah! Let's do it!

I just can't get you out of my head

Boy, your loving is all I think about

I just can't get you out of my head

Boy, it's more than I dare to think about

I don't belong here.

Sure you do.

It's Jock Night, and you're a runner.

I'm a jogger. I'm not a runner. Jogging's not a sport.

Please. Are you allergic to fun, Michael?

Boy, your loving is all I think about

And there you were, like some sweatband-wearing matinee idol.

I'll just shut up now.

Oh. That guy is definitely into you.

He was with a woman.

No man in this club has been with a woman in years,

- if ever. - Oh, my God.

- He's walking over here. - Ignore me.

- Nick, please. Don't do that. - Ignore me. Ignore me.

I'm just a random gay man.

- Hey. - Hi.

- What's up? - "What's up"?

You were looking over, and you waved,

and you were making that face, so...

I know. We were just... We were smiling at each other, so I...

You were smiling at me, right?

Well, actually, my friend Nina was getting me a drink, so I was just looking.

Oh, Jesus. So you weren't looking at me.

You were looking behind me. Oh, my God.

Well, I mean, no, I was...

- Okay. That's mortifying. - Hey, you guys.

- No, it's... - Hello.

You are so his type.

Okay, she's had a few too many.

No, I haven't.

Yes, I have, but you are still his type.

Well, 'cause you're...

You're like a dweeb.

- I'm what? - Tall. She means tall.

- You mean tall. - Yes. A tall dweeb.

- That is what I meant. - Oh, my... Okay.

- Wow. - It doesn't matter.

Don't be embarrassed. Everybody has a type.

My type is very handsome gay men.

Which is why I am hopelessly single.

I'm dancing.

It's truly a tragedy. It's...

- Well, for me. - I think for maybe both of us.

Did you... Do you want to dance?

No, I don't... I'm not gonna dance.

Okay. You prefer to watch?

Yes, I like to watch.

- Okay. - Okay.

Well, let me know if you change your mind.

I just can't get you out of my head

Boy, your loving is all I think about

I just can't get you out of my head

Boy, it's more than I dare to think about

You make me feel

Mighty real

They're dancing!

- You're a great dancer. - You're a terrible liar.

Have you been here before?

I wouldn't say that this is really my scene.

- What's your scene? - I'm more of

a "work late, go to bed early" kind of guy.

What about you?

I've been here a lot. Getting a little tired of it.

Maybe you should try another scene.

- Maybe I should. - Maybe you should.

Bold.

How about turning the hat?

So, you want to get out of here and go back to my place?

I don't even know your name.

It's Kit.

Wait, really? You're Kit?

Oh, God. I'm Michael.

It's like Michael and KITT from Knight Rider.

It's that David Hasselhoff show from the '80s. Ran 90 episodes.

- So, this is kismet, then? - Sure.

Except that KITT was a talking car and the show wasn't very good.

Hey, there you are.

Oh, God, hi.

Kit, I need you to take me home because the room is spinning.

All right. That's my cue.

Oh, yeah, okay.

It's been good to meet you.

Wow. Come on. Jesus.

Yeah, it's good to meet you, too.

You know what? Actually, here.

This is my card.

It has my number on it, so you can call me sometime.

- Okay. - Oh, God. I think I'm gonna barf.

All right. Let's get you out of here.

Get you out of here.

- I'm so sorry. - Come on.

I never thought I'd hear from you.

But then you called.

You do own a TV set, right?

I think my roommate Kirby does.

- Is that shocking to you? - Shocking?

No, it's not shocking. I've heard of people

who don't have TVs, but I've never met one.

It's nice to meet you.

Educate me. What's your favorite TV show?

At the moment? Felicity.

They're doing some new things, but it's also got a traditional...

I don't know, there's something comforting about it,

and the actors are great.

Is she the one whose haircut almost got the show canceled?

It is a brilliant show, and you should watch it.

Okay. Should we get a bottle? This place has an incredible wine list.

I think I will stick with Diet Coke.

I'm not really much of a drinker.

I don't really like the taste or the empty calories.

What about you? Drunkard or junkie?

I'm a photographer.

Both, then.

Well, for now, I have a day job that pays the bills.

- What is that? - Così.

New York's finest fast-casual restaurant chain.

Così has the best flatbread in New York City.

Well, I design their advertising, store signage.

Did you do the new ads for the hummus-veggie sandwich?

I did, yes.

- That's one of mine. - Okay, I'm not even kidding,

that is the most beautifully rendered

hummus and veggie sandwich I have ever seen.

And I'm a vegetarian. I've seen a lot of hummus and veggie pictures.

Well, what can I say? When it comes to lighting bread,

I know what's up.

I do lunch every day at the Così on 51st and Broadway.

Well, today's your lucky day,

because your next two flatbread sandwiches are on me.

Shut up! Marry me.

Oh, God. Is that too soon to ask you to marry me?

Thank you.

You're very welcome.

What's your take on marriage?

A serious discussion.

Well, you know, it's topical and...

Okay. Well,

I consider myself a bit of a hopeless romantic,

so I guess that makes me pro.

And I'm guessing that you kind of feel differently.

Well, aren't we supposed to be more advanced than that?

I mean, it started as the literal selling of chattel.

I don't know if I want to be a part of that ritual.

I think some rituals are kind of sweet.

And some rituals are actually very important.

- What's chattel? - I don't know.

I think it's, like, cattle that chats.

Talking cows?

Middle child, two brothers.

We're actually very close, but they live in different states,