Casual

Previously on "Casual"...

‐ I want it off my body.

‐ You pay for half, and I will pay for half.

You get a summer job. Might be good for you.

You might actually learn something.

‐ Compensation‐wise, what are we looking at?

‐ It's, uh, 65 a signature.

‐ Dollars? ‐ Cents.

These are ballot props, not credit card applications.

‐ You're currently not working?

‐ I mean, I'm dabbling in the hospitality business.

‐ In the past 12 months, your expenses are nearly double.

If I put you on a budget,

If I put you on a budget,

your savings can get you through the end of the year, maybe.

‐ Oh, Leon, you're a lifesaver.

The movers are gonna be here between 10:00 and 12:00,

but who knows.

They also said I'd have a table two weeks ago.

It's, uh, quite a tale.

Why is Leon on your floor? ‐ Because he made dinner.

Cloth napkins and a checkered blanket?

He made you an indoor picnic.

We were supposed to get ribs later.

‐ I just wanted to come home,

sit at a table, open up my journal.

And I just wanted to map out

how I was gonna make my life feel different.

How I was gonna make my life feel different.

I just want things to feel different.

‐ So...

what do you think?

‐ It's a table.

‐ That's it? It's just a table?

‐ Uh, sturdy legs, flat surface.

Yeah, I'm getting a definite table vibe.

‐ I birthed you out of my own body.

‐ So I've heard.

I'm surprised you didn't go mid‐century modern.

I'm surprised you didn't go mid‐century modern.

‐ What is that? An old age joke?

‐ Only if you make it one.

‐ Oh, fine.

You are giving me lots of fuel,

pages and pages of it.

‐ Aw, someone's nervous for her first day.

‐ Well, I'm cautiously optimistic.

‐ What does one do in a storytelling class, anyway?

‐ We mine the experiences of our lives

to create a truthful and engaging performance piece.

‐ Sounds hokey.

‐ Don't you have work?

Love you. ‐ Love you back.

No, no!

No! No! Gonna get you.

No, no, no, no, no!

Here comes the tiger.

Rawr, rawr.

I'm a kitty cat. I've got a whip.

A whip!

Man, those moves were good.

‐ Hey, there.

Oh, good morning.

‐ Getting an early start, I see.

‐ Yeah, well, you know what they say.

The early bird gets the worm, doesn't he?

‐ Never realized how grossly sexual that saying could be.

‐ Oh, hey, uh, we wanted to ask your advice.

Should we do the Walk of Fame or the La Brea Tar Pits first?

‐ Well, I really‐‐I wanted to see the Hollywood sign.

‐ Oh, yeah, that's fun. Just check to see that it's up.

They take it down twice a week to clean the letters.

‐ Really? ‐ Oh, I didn't realize that.

Mm‐hmm. ‐ That seems like a lot.

‐ Oh, I don't know, Ken. I mean, it is a cultural icon.

‐ Oh, I don't know, Ken. I mean, it is a cultural icon.

‐ Yeah, we're very proud of it.

Oh, sorry.

I'm a terrible host.

Can I pop a couple in for you guys?

No.

‐ We bought those bagels.

Oh, but please, help yourself.

- ‐ Oh. - Uh, there is enough

for everyone. ‐ I'm sorry.

‐ Just maybe next time, you could just ask.

‐ Yeah, of course. Um, just give me one second,

and I will be out of your way.

It's your tomato, isn't it?

‐ Yeah, it is. ‐ Fuck.

‐ Yeah, it is. ‐ Fuck.

‐ Hi. ‐ Hi.

‐ Do you like this outfit?

‐ Do you want me to lie, or be your friend?

‐ Well, since when are the two mutually exclusive?

‐ You look like a kindergarten teacher.

‐ You look like a kindergarten teacher.

‐ Fuck.

‐ But that could be a good thing.

Kindergarten teachers are the source

of some of our earliest happy memories.

‐ Mine was a pedophile. ‐ What?

‐ Uh‐huh, got off on a mistrial,

went to the Arizona‐Mexico border,

became a vigilante immigrations officer.

He's murdered people‐‐ multiple people.

I heard he got a medal.

Do you wanna go shopping? ‐ Yeah.

‐ Hello, hurried consumer,

‐ Hello, hurried consumer,

care to sign the Green Power Initiative

and put alternative fuel vehicles on the road?

No, you do not.

Good sir, care to tune out the world

as you float through life unmoored, alone.

‐ Pretty eloquent.

‐ Oh, I save my best for the unaware.

‐ Do you want this petition to die?

‐ It's California.

Pretty sure there's a thousand more on deck.

‐ Well, they all deserve our time.

‐ Okay, so you'd be happy getting signatures

for the gun lobby?

Or the human Q‐tip who wants to end Planned Parenthood?

‐ No, the free exchange of ideas

‐ No, the free exchange of ideas

supersedes my own legislative opinion.

I mean, we're the mouthpiece of the people,

the primary pillar of democracy.

Oh, sure, mock me,

but it's your future that looks bleak.

Hey, good afternoon, guys, I'm Tracy.

How are you?

I'm working with the clean renewable‐‐

I just wondered if you had a minute to...

‐ What are you doing here? ‐ Going bowling.

‐ Right. Sign this?

‐ Absolutely not. ‐

‐ Absolutely not. ‐.

Okay, so this is the cereal aisle,

and it's just like Postmates,

except if you want a box, you just grab one.

‐ Hush, I'm multitasking. ‐ Job search?

Tell me! ‐ It's all dumb.

Just dressed up entry‐level stuff.

‐ Where are you getting those lists?

‐ Headhunter. ‐ That sounds violent.

‐ That's what work is,

a sublimation of our violent desires to hunt and fuck.

$14 for almond butter? ‐ Organic's $19.99.

‐ How are people supposed to pay for this shit?

‐ You could get rid of your Wine of the Month club.

I know, it's a real "Sophie's Choice."

‐ You joke, but I already did, with all my clubs.

‐ You joke, but I already did, with all my clubs.

‐ Now you'll never make the yearbook.

‐ This is insane. Do I even need almond butter?

Plenty of other butters sesame butter,

macadamia butter,

shit, even peanut butter.

Maybe I'm a peanut butter guy.

Could I be a peanut butter guy?

Jiff‐‐that's a peanut butter.

Why aren't you paying attention to me?

Oh.

- ‐ Yes! - ‐ No.

I just‐‐

‐ What? ‐ They feel like sausage casing.

I mean‐‐which makes looking for a mirror

I mean‐‐which makes looking for a mirror

that much more enjoyable.

‐ So good.

- ‐ Hm. - ‐ Yes.

Do you have these in an 8? Thank you.

‐ What am I doing here? I mean, this‐‐it's Laura.

It's not me.

‐ You know how there's body dysmorphia,

and people think they're way bigger

or smaller than they are?

‐ Uh, yes, I am familiar with that syndrome.

‐ Well, it's like you have personality dysmorphia,

and you think you're way less cool than you are.

‐ Thank you. That is really nice, I think.

‐ And you only dress one part of yourself‐‐

this, like, mom slash therapist slash responsible person part.

This, like, mom slash therapist slash responsible person part.

‐ Well, what's the other part?

‐ Pure fun.

Hmm. ‐ No.

‐ Yeah. ‐ Oh, no.

‐ Sit down. ‐ I‐‐ugh.

‐ Stop it. ‐ Okay, you know what?

There are...

There are two kinds of people in the world.

Did you know that? ‐ Nope.

‐ There are cool boot people,

and then there are not cool boot people.

- I... - ‐

‐ Fit firmly in the latter camp.

Hmm.