Grace and Frankie

What? When? Why?

Which question do you want me to answer first?

I asked them in alphabetical order for a reason.

Okay.

We did it last night.

It was a completely spontaneous thing.

We flew to Vegas, we went to an all-night chapel,

we were married by a Filipino Elvis impersonator.

Bayani Pang?

Yeah!

Oh, Jesus.

It was insane.

It was the kind of thing you'd do, actually.

I was married by a cult leader, like a normal person.

I didn't just fly off in the middle of the night without telling anyone.

Yeah, well, when you say it like that...

So... you're real-deal married to this man?

Yeah.

I'm real-deal married to this man.

Well, then...

congratulations.

Listen, I... I know this must be a shock,

and I know you must have a lot of feelings to process, so...

so let's talk.

Nope. I'm good.

What? You don't want to talk?

Nah. We got to get you moved into your new home.

And boxes don't pack themselves yet.

Wait, slow down, Frankie, because I-I'm in no hurry to move out.

And... because I can't catch up to you!

What? I can't hear you. I'm too far ahead.

I'm in no hurry to move out.

I can fit a lot of curry in my mouth. You know that.

When I opened my eyes and I saw everyone there, I nearly lost it.

You gave me a gift I don't know how to return.

You'll just have to love me a lot.

That wasn't even a little.

How about I love you a lot... on that honeymoon we've never taken?

I... I don't mean to sound like you,

but we just spent a pretty penny on Bud's wedding, so can we afford to?

And I don't mean to sound like you, but can we afford not to?

We're gonna keep putting it off for one reason or another,

and then someday, it's gonna be too late.

- That does sound like me. - Mm-hmm.

I make a good point.

What the hell?

Peter, I didn't know you were here already.

I still have a key.

I would love to get that back soon.

Robert, I know I've been a jagged little pill recently.

So, to make up for the way I've treated you,

Bud and Allison's bon voyagelunch is on the house.

We already paid.

Well, the thought was there.

You aren't finished setting up, are you? The family's going to be here soon.

I'm trying to tell you something.

Jeff and I had a big talk last night,

and he pointed out what an awful friend I've been to you these past months.

So, I thought you should know...

I'm divorcing Jeff.

What?

Oh, no.

- I'm so sorry. - I know.

This is terrible news. How is Jeff?

People always say that being the one who is left is worse.

But... I think it's harder to be me.

Hey.

We're going on a honeymoon!

Jeff and Peter are splitting up.

We're not going anywhere good, though.

I'm sad.

Do you know what a good pick-me-up would be?

Work! Throw yourself right in there.

Will work cure the guilt that I'm feeling?

Will work calm my psychic pain?

It might.

- What am I looking at? - Um, does Nick like grapes?

You could take these to him.

And what about expired non-fat yogurt?

Frankie, what are you doing?

Separating my stuff from yours.

This pile is stuff that you're definitely taking.

This pile is stuff that is yours, but I feel like I'm entitled to it.

And that pile is mine,

but it's stuff I don't want anymore, so you can have it.

Frankie, don't you think you're acting a little Grace-ish?

You went from shock to acceptance way too quickly.

You didn't even process.

Not processing is my new process.

I'm not buying it. You know, maybe if you were a WASP like me,

but you're not built that way.

Grace, we have too much to do to discuss how I'm built.

Although I have been described in song as a "brick house."

I can't believe I'm gonna say this,

but maybe we should go get your talking stick.

You know, give you a chance to share, or express, or whatever you call it.

I don't need to.

Hey, how about we do one of those chocolate parties?

And I can bring your two-person conflict resolution sweater.

No, thank you. I'd rather we just keep getting on with the going.

All right.

I'll let you bathe me.

- Who are they? - Joaquin and Ted.

A little more information, please.

They're chore whores.

Still more information, please.

They're here to help with the packing up.

Don't worry, they're trustworthy.

I found them online. They've got four whole stars.

Okay, that's it. We're gonna do a sharing circle.

Shows how much you know. You can't do a sharing circle with two people.

So I just say whatever's on my mind?

My understanding is you... you share what you're feeling

but may not want to say 'cause you're angry.

Or really angry.

Well, the other day there was a thing I'm kind of hurt about.

What thing?

You told me, when you picked up a Tuesday shift, nothing would change.

- And I meant that. - You went boot shopping with Bob!

- I didn't even buy anything! - Okay, guys. Time's up.

Frankie...

is there anything that you'd like to say?

Yes, yes. What kind of boots?

Fine.

I'll share.

That's right. Grace Hanson is sharing.

Grace Skolka.

I haven't decided if I'm gonna change my name or not.

- You just got married? - Just.

Congratulations on your nuptials. Are you going on a honeymoon?

- Not the time, Joaquin. - Are you?

Yes.

Bora Bora.

Are you going to that place with the glass bottom bedrooms?

You're looking at two stars, Joaquin. Okay? Two stars.

You're mad at me. I get it.

- I'm not mad. - Well, then you're in denial.

No, I am not.

People grow up. They get married. It happens every day.

I'm a resilient woman. I'm gonna have my own life.

I think what you're not saying is you're worried things are gonna change.

But things won't change.

I mean, I may not be here at night or... or on weekends.

Or for the next ten days, but other than that, we're in business, Frankie.

Yeah, right. Now who's in denial?

Look, it's not like it's gonna be, "Nick, Nick, Nick," all day every day.

You know, it's gonna be a mix. Like, "Frankie, Frankie, Nick, Nick."

Or, "Nick, Frankie, Frankie, Nick."

You might want to get your head out of your collar

and accept the fact that everything's going to change.

I did buy boots.

I did.

Sharon is the problem,

but who do you talk to in HR about Sharon

when Sharon is our HR person?

Barry. Barry. Barry. Barry. Barry.

- Sorry. Sorry, it's Erin. - Barry. Barry.

Oh.

Not enough you're giving her your seed. Now she gets your limited attention span?

Hey, I know my becoming a dad-slash-not-dad

is really weird for you,

but Erin and Liz have just been so open and inclusive about the whole process.

I'm not going with you to the doctor's office.

Oh, no, no, no. We're not going to the doctor's office. No.

That's how the fancies do it. No, in vitro is crazy expensive.

Okay, what exactly is the T.J. Maxx way of doing it?

It's do-it-yourself.

Who's doing what to whose self?

And now I'm getting confused. I'm just masturbating myself into a cup.

- You asked for a sip. - You knew what this was.

Hey, guys, this is Steph.

She lives in San Diego,

and she's here with me.

You're gonna love her.

Hi.

God, she makes me laugh.

Oh, and don't worry, she totally fits into our group.

We have a group?

You think you're in the group?

Forgive Brianna.

She's just on edge because I'm giving a little semen to an old friend.

That-That didn't solve the awkwardness problem, did it?

I'm gonna get you that drink.

Why would you bring a date?

This whole bon voyagething is just to torture immediate family and Barry.

What's the biggie? You brought Principal Dan to the wedding.

Principal Dan and I, who I just call "Dan" by the way,

have been dating a while.

So? Dating someone a while

doesn't have anything to do with how deeply you feel for them.

So how long have you two been dating?

A while!

Mmm.

Um...

We need to talk about that thing I mentioned before.

Of course, what else would you talk about at a lunch?

- Plenty of pathways. - Oh.

So nice meeting you.

You're late. And where's your tie?

I'm not working today, Peter.