SubUrbia

WHAT? YEAH, I'll SEE YOU DOWN THERE LATER.

I JUST GOTTA FINISH SOME STUFF I'M WRITING.

YEAH. OK. BYE.

SOOZE? YEAH. SO DID YOU TELL HIM THAT WE COULDN'T AFFORD

20 BUCKS A TICKET

AND WHY DIDN'T HE PUT US ON THE COMP LIST?

NO, NO, THERE'S ALWAYS A COMP LIST.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, SO, THEN, JUST GET YOUR MOTHER'S CAR

AND MAYBE WE'LL ALL GO DO SOMETHING.

YEAH. I GOTTA GET OFF.

OK. BYE.

HEY, FRANKIE! HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SLEEPING? WHAT, AT 6:00?

SLEEP WHEN YOU ARE DEAD.

HEY, MAN, I JUST GOT OFF WORK.

WHY DON'T YOU MEET ME AT THE CORNER?

SO? PUT ON SOME CLOTHES AND COME DOWN, MAN. YEAH.

YEAH, YEAH, I WANNA SEE YOU, MAN.

ALL RIGHT.

YEAH.

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU BRING THAT POT YOU JUST BOUGHT?

WHAT?

YEAH, FUCK YOU, MAN.

LATER.

I'M GOING OUT LATER.

NO CAR.

THE FUCK NOT?

YOU KNOW THE FUCK NOT.

FUCK.

DON'T SWEAR. IT'S IMPOLITE.

WE ARE TRULY THRILLED TO BRING YOU THIS NEXT ITEM,

AND IT'S A HOST-VALUE SPECIAL.

IT'S THE SPIRAL RELAXATION LAMP.

I PERSONALLY BOUGHT ONE OF THESE FOR A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE

AND ENDED UP FALLING IN LOVE WITH IT.

I FOUND MYSELF MESMERIZED BY WATCHING THE BALLS.

THAT'S WHY I SUGGEST THAT IF YOU'RE GOING TO BUY ONE,

YOU BUY MAYBE 2 OR 3.

IT STARTED WITH A TRAFFIC ARGUMENT,

ESCALATED TO THE FIRING OF AN ILLEGALLY CARRIED

CONCEALED HANDGUN,

ENDING WITH THE DEATH OF THE MAN IT WAS AIMED AT.

GORDON RIEDHALE CLAIMED HE COULDN'T ESCAPE AN ATTACKER

WHO WAS PUNCHING HIM IN THE HEAD.

CONCEALED CARRY INSTRUCTORS SAY IT'S THAT FEAR OF MORTAL DANGER

THAT GAVE HALE THE LEGAL RIGHT TO PULL THE TRIGGER.

JUST DEPENDS ON THE CUP CAPACITY.

WHAT SIZE IS THAT?

55,000.

MARLBOROS, CHIEF. HARD PACK.

IN THAT CASE, YOU NEED A HEAVY-DUTY FILTER.

2.50.

2.50? THEY GO UP?

ALWAYS 2.50, MY FRIEND.

WHAT THAT MEANS IS,

EVERY ARMED LICENSEE FACED WITH DANGER

MUST MAKE A SPLIT-SECOND JUDGMENT CALL.

TIMMY BOY.

WHOA-HO!

CHIEF!

SHOOTS AND... OHH!

AW, TIME'S RUNNING OUT.

3, 2, 1... NO GOOD!

OH, YEAH! HA HA HA!

WHOA.

HEY. HEY, 7.20.

7.20.

WHAT?

7.20.

I GAVE IT TO YOU.

HE PAID YOU, MAN.

YOU OWE ME 20 CENTS. COME ON, 7.20.

7.20!

YO, YOU'RE SPITTIN' RICE ALL OVER US.

GOD.

HERE'S 25 CENTS.

THAT GUY SHOULD CUT DOWN ON HIS CAFFEINE INTAKE.

NEEDS SOME PIZZA IN HIS DIET.

Tim: I DON'T THINK I LIKE THAT GUY'S ATTITUDE AT ALL.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? TAKE OFF THE BLADES.

I MEAN IT. I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR FUCKIN' LEGS.

YOU'RE A FASCIST, MAN.

TAKE 'EM OFF!

NEO-FASCIST.

BUFF, SIT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, THOUGH?

SOMEBODY OUGHT TO CRACK THAT GUY

WITH A BASEBALL BAT.

YEAH, WELL, HE'S FROM A THIRD-WORLD COUNTRY.

HE DOESN'T HAVE IT EASY.

WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE THIRD WORLD?

YOU BEEN THERE?

NO? NO. WELL, I HAVE.

FUCKERS LIVE LIKE SARDINES IN A CAN OVER THERE.

YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING STINKS. IT'S TRUE.

THERE'S NO, YOU KNOW, LAW,

NO ORDER, NO NOTHING.

ASSHOLES COME OVER HERE,

THEY THINK IT'S GONNA BE THE SAME.

BUT HE'S A HUMAN BEING. YOU CAN GIVE HIM THAT MUCH.

ACTUALLY, THE ONLY THING I GOTTA GIVE THAT GUY

IS A ONE-WAY TICKET BACK TO GREASEBALL LAND.

YEAH, WELL, THAT PIZZA COULD FEED A FAMILY OF 4 IN TURKEY

OR INDIA OR WHEREVER THE FUCK HE COMES FROM.

OH, YEAH? OH. HOW WOULD YOU SHIP IT THERE, MAN?

FEDERAL EXPRESS? HMM?

BY THE TIME IT GOT THERE,

IT'D BE WAY COLD AND COAGULATED...

TOTAL WASTE,

CHEESE WOULD BE STUCK TO THE CARDBOARD.

BUFF, THAT SLICE IS THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH FOR SOME HALF-DEAD BANGLADESHI.

YO, YOU'RE GETTIN' ME ALL UPSET HERE.

YOU SHOULD GET UPSET.

EVERYONE SHOULD GET UPSET.

WHEN... WHEN HITLER WAS GREASING THE JEWS,

PEOPLE WERE SAYING,

"DON'T GET ME UPSET. YOU'RE BUMMING ME OUT."

IT'S MY DUTY AS A HUMAN BEING TO BE PISSED OFF.

JESUS CHRIST, NOTHING MAKES A DIFFERENCE

IN THE FIRST FUCKIN' PLACE.

NOTHING EVER CHANGES, MAN.

50 YEARS FROM NOW, WE'RE ALL GONNA BE DEAD,

AND THERE'LL BE NEW PEOPLE STANDING HERE,

DRINKING BEER, EATING PIZZA,

BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT THE PRICE OF OREOS,

AND THEY WON'T EVEN KNOW WE WERE EVER HERE,

AND THEN 50 YEARS AFTER THAT,

THOSE SUCKERS WILL BE DUST AND BONES,

AND THERE WILL BE ALL THESE GENERATIONS OF SUCKERS

TRYIN' TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK THEY'RE DOING

ON THIS FUCKIN' PLANET, AND THEY'LL ALL BE FULL OF SHIT.

IT'S ALL SO FUCKIN' FUTILE.

IF IT'S ALL SO FUCKIN' FUTILE, WHAT THE FUCK

ARE YOU SO FUCKING UPSET ABOUT, FUCKHEAD?

BECAUSE I'M ALIENATED.

HOW DO YOU LIKE ORGASMS?!

OH, YEAH! WHOO!

OH!

HEY, I'M AT WORK YESTERDAY,

BITCH COMES IN,

ORDERS A 12-INCH PIE WITH EXTRA CHEESE,

SO, I ASK HER IF SHE WANTED ME TO, LIKE, CARRY THAT OUT

TO HER CAR FOR HER.

RIGHT?

BITCH IS OBVIOUSLY IN HEAT,

SAYS, "YES, RIGHT AWAY."

SO, I CARRY THE PIE OUT TO HER CAR,

WE SMOKE A JAY,

SHE BLOWS ME,

WE EAT THE PIZZA, I CHASE IT WITH THE BEER.

SMOKE-BABE-SLICE-BREW!

ALL 4 BASES! FUCKIN' HOME RUN, MAN!

BUFF, YOUR ABILITY TO FANTASIZE

IS ONLY EXCEEDED BY YOUR ABILITY TO LIE.

OH, UNTRUE, JEFFSTER. I THINK THAT...

HEY, IT'S ME.

2 WEEKS AGO WE ATTENDED A CONCERT

WHERE I FUCKED 2 GIRLS...

OH, THIS IS THE ULTIMATE LIAR OF LIARS.

AND... YOUR... MOM.

WELL, I'M HERE. WHERE ARE YOU?

WHERE ARE YOU WHO?

NO, NO, NO. HUH?

I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK WITH THE GUY WHEN HE GETS HERE.

STUCK... WHO? WHAT GUY?

HUH?

SHUT UP. AW, DON'T DO THAT, MAN.

LOOK, YOU CAN'T BE OUT HERE ALL NIGHT TONIGHT, OK?

HEY, WE'RE JUST HAVIN' A CONVERSATION!

THIS IS PRIVATE PROPERTY, MY FRIEND.

COME ON, MAN.

HEY, DON'T TELL US ABOUT PRIVATE PROPERTY.

THIS IS AMERICA, MY FRIEND.

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, YOU GOTTA GO NOW, OK?

THE CUSTOMERS COMPLAIN.

WE'RE YOUR CUSTOMERS! WE'RE NOT COMPLAINING!