Where'd You Go, Bernadette

Have you ever heard that the brain

is like a discounting mechanism?

Say someone gives you a present

and it's a diamond necklace

and you open it and you love it.

You're all happy at first and then the next day

it still makes you happy but a little bit less so.

A year later, you see the necklace

and you think, "Oh, that old thing."

And do you know why your brain discounts things?

It's for survival.

You need to be prepared for new expen'ences

because they could signal danger.

Wouldn't it be great if we could reset that

since there aren't a lot of saber-toothed tigers

jumping out at us?

Seems like a design flaw

that our brain's default settings signal danger

and survival instead of something like joy.

I think that's what happened to my mom.

She got so focused on picking up danger signals

that her discounting mechanism forgot to see

all the good stuff in her life.

And maybe Dad had quit seeing

the diamond necklace side of Mom.

Do you have any idea how strong I'm being?

How much my heart is breaking

'cause you want to go off to boarding school?

If you didn't want me to go away to boarding school,

you shouldn't have made it sound like so much fun.

Ugh, yeah, right. So it's my fault.

It's not loading my workout. Got it.

Do you guys remember when you told me

if I got perfect grades all the way through middle school

I could have anything I wanted

as a graduation present?

D-Did we say that?

I think it was to ward off any further talk of a pony.

Well, that's what I wanted when I was little.

Now I want something completely different.

You wanna know what it is?

I don't know. Do we?

Does it entail leaving the house?

A family trip to Antarctica!

We have to go over Christmas break.

As in a month?

Oh, yeah. Obviously, 'cause it's their summer.

It's about the only time you could go.

Yeah, 'cause ponies are cute

and maybe not as much trouble as we thought.

What do you say there, Mom?

Isn't this a bad time

for you because of work?

We're studying Antarctica in school.

I've read all the explorers' journals,

and I'm doing my final presentation on Shackleton.

And now is a good time to go

before another ice sheet collapses and the whole thing melts.

Oh, my God. I can't believe

neither of you are saying no.

I'm waiting for you. You hate traveling.

I w-was waiting for you. You have to work.

Oh, my God. That's a yes. We're going!

Wait, wait. Is that really a yes?

I guess it is.

On a technicality.

I read once dolphins operate

in this complicated social order

with alliances and enemies and enforcers, recruiters.

Almost like the Mafia, or maybe high school.

They even battle sometimes,

where they bash each other over the heads

with their tails.

Why do all the smart creatures organize themselves

in these weird social structures?

Audrey does everything at Galer Street.

She created the Diversity Council.

She set up Marathon Kids. She invented Donuts for Dads.

Mom once signed up to be the kindergarten room parent,

but I think she got bashed over the head

by the other dolphins.

Another option is a few pigs.

Pigs? Really/.7 - Yeah.

In a week, they'll pull out these blackberries by the root

and then some.

Can I help you with something?

Oh, hi, Bernadette.

Um, I didn't know you were home.

Apparently.

Yeah. Um...

I hope you don't mind, I called Tom.

He's a blackberry abatement specialist.

- Oh. - I was in my garden

cutting back the perennials

and planting some winter color

in preparation for the, uh,

the Galer Street brunch that I'm hosting

for the prospective parents.

Have you been reading the emails?

Not if I can help it.

Yeah. Well, the blackberry vines are coming under the wall.

Not at all uncommon around here.

They get into the root system like bamboo,

- super invasive. - Yeah. Invasive.

We're just trying to figure out what best to do about it.

Yeah, here.

It's Tom.

Bemadetle Fox.

No card.

Oh.

I was in my compost pile one morning,

and I was practically attacked.

Urn, you know, not just in my compost,

but, you know, it's gotten into my raised vegetable beds,

my greenhouse, which you saw, even my worm bins.

Yeah, I mean, to get rid of this many, with this kind of slope...

Oh, and I don't want to use anything toxic.

You know, no weed killers or anything like that.

Right. And if you don't wanna use the pigs,

I think I'd wanna go with, uh,

CXJ Hillside Side-Arm Thrasher.

I don't have one myself. I'd have to rent one.

Okay, I'm happy to use Tom here

to remove all things blackberry.

I think we're done.

Nice to meet you, ma'am.

Thank you. And soon?

Any pigs will be arrested for trespassing.

- (BOTH CHUCKLE) - Jeez.

Dear Manjula,

something unexpected has come up,

and I would love it if you would work extra hours.

I don't know what time it is right now in India, but please

uh, let me know ASAP if you're available

because I need you to work your Hindu magic

on a huge project. Period.

Okay, I'll stop being coy.

It's a total disaster.

Apparently, Elgie and I have promised Bee

a family trip to Antarctica.

And of the million reasons I don't want to go,

the main one is it will require me

to be surrounded by people.

Looks like even the smallest

cruise ship has 150 other passengers

which translates into me

being trapped with 147 other humans

who will uniquely annoy the hell out of me

with their rudeness, waste,

incessant yammering, and boring small talk,

and creepy food requests.

Or worse, they'll turn their curiosity toward me

and expect pleasantry in return.

Oh, I'm getting a panic attack just thinking about it.

But a little...

social anxiety

never hurt anyone, am I right?

If I give you the contact info,

could you pretty please take over

the paperwork, visas, plane tickets,

and everything involved with getting we three

from Seattle to the White Continent?

Question mark.

Uh, and we'll need whatever's on

the recommended packing list.

Uh... just use the same credit card.

Oh, yes, Manjula, one very important thing.

I'd like a fishing vest.

You know, one replete with the zippered pockets.

And apparently, I need some

blackberry bushes in my yard removed.

The sooner the better.

Audrey, next door, thinks nothing

of traipsing through my yard.

Who does that! Exclamation point.

Ice Cream?

Ice Cream?

- Oh. - (ICE CREAM WHINING)

Ice Cream.

How did you get in there?

This is really inconvenient, Ice Cream.

- You wait there! - (ICE CREAM WHINES)

Ta-da!

Oh. Um...

As much as I love

clip art hand prints...

Uh-huh. - I think we need

to try to find an image

that better articulates success.

- Mm-hmm. - Like, um,

- a coat of arms... - Ooh.

With something in it.

- Like a calculator. - Oh, that's good.

Right? Or, or diplomas. Like a rainbow of diplomas.

Cute.

Maybe there's a sketch of a brain,

and it has a cap and gown on, right?

We, we just have to remember we're trying to attract

the right kind of kindergarten families.

- Okay. Thanks, Mindy.