The Simpsons

I'm scared, Mom.

What if they take me?

Don't worry, Barterfinger.

You're always the last.

Even boxes of stale raisins go before you, Butterfinger...

I mean, Barterfinger.

No one ever wants the apple.

They must be afraid there's a razor blade in me.

Yeah. That's the reason.

Maybe you'll be dipped in caramel.

Oh, whoop-dee-doo.

What the... Where am I going?

You're going to heaven, Dad.

Those pearly gates look a lot like teeth!

Change is always hard.

Well, I guess that...

Cigarette breath!

Oh, thank God.

We made it through the night.

And now you're on a high shelf,

where they'll forget about you forever!

: Why won't the earth take me?

I hear you, my friend.

Mmm, candy.

Homer, no!

Don't be silly, honey.

Chocolate doesn't feel anything.

No! God, no!

Dad...!

I can't listen to this horror!

Okay, I'm on it.

Thank you.

It's here! Maggie's first Pazuzu!

Your father ordered this because...

Mm, why did you order this?

I thought it was pizza.

Yeah, I'll send it back tomorrow.

Tonight we have a cocktail party.

And we came early.

And I left my face on your hand towel.

Hmm.

Don't worry, Maggie.

While Mommy and Daddy carouse downstairs,

you'll be here in the dark with Pazuzu!

Sweet dreams, Maggie.

Don't let the Beelzebubs bite.

- (PIANO PLAYING) - (LIVELY CHATTER)

Nobody's eating my chowder.

Maybe I can take it back home with me.

Maggie, sweetie, you should be in bed.

: No one leaves alive.

Ooh, her first words!

Did someone get that on their phone?

Aw, she's got red eye.

She's a demon from hell!

Also, generic cola?

Really? (CHUCKLES)

Cocktail fail.

Thank you.

Well, at least we still got the liquor.

Ah, my chowder!

Someone's starting the terrible twos.

: Someone's having an affair with his nurse.

- Say "ah." - A... dulterer.

179? I...

I'm afraid that little devil needs an exorcism.

I'm afraid they didn't teach me those at Pepperdine.

Bible ribbons, that'll hold her.

- (GROANS) - (TOY SIREN WAILING)

Oh, good, the police are here.

When is that exorcist gonna get here?

Marge, we'll be fine.

Maggie just learned what a circle is.

Okay, whoever she stops at has to change her diaper,

which appears to contain flaming lava.

Oh, you just never want to change a diaper.

I'll handle this.

- (GASPS) - (SHOUTING GIBBERISH)

Oops. Sorry about that.

First thing, we'll see just how powerful

our demon here truly is.

The chicken goes...

Well, there's only one answer here,

- cut her loose! - Are you sure?

If you can't trust a Catholic priest with a child,

who can you trust?

By the power of Christ, I say devil be out!

That's all you've got?

Well, I say it three times.

This guy's good.

Devil be out!

I am Pazuzu, demon of the southwest wind.

Wait, wait, so you're not even as powerful as the south wind

or the west wind?

How lame is that?

I used to be very important.

Google it.

- Devil be out! - (THUNDER CRASHES)

Google it!

Your baby is saved.

Fantastic.

She's not going to be a religious weirdo, is she?

- No. - Fantastic.

Now hush.

Pazuzu is still among us.

But where?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

Bart?

: Let me out, let me out!

This boy has the darkest soul I've ever seen.

It's worse than working for David Schwimmer!

Yo, Pazuzu, grow me some horns.

Those aren't horns, those are nubs. (LAUGHS)

No, no, no!

: Well, at least it'll get me out of jury duty.

So, anyone want to pick up litter at the park today?

How about you, Maggie?

She's still got a touch of Pazuzu.

At least she never threw up.

That's just great.

Everywhere but the sink.

Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong family.

Oh? Hey, Mr. Cat.

What are you playing with?

A secret door?

We don't have smoke alarms, but we have this?

HOMER (IN DISTANCE): Smoke is its own alarm.

No, no, Snowball, come back!

It's too dangerous!

Sometimes tiny doors lead to big opportunities.

- (GASPS) You could talk? - Indeed.

For centuries, the cat has been the symbol of intelligence,

the other world savoir faire...

Ooh, shiny!

Oh, there it is. Where'd it go?

There it is. Where'd it go?

There it is. Where'd it go?

Enough.

Let's go meet your other family.

Other family?

Already the talking cat isn't the most interesting thing.

- (DOOR CREAKS) - (LISA GASPS)

Whoa! For a Halloween show middle segment, this is amazing.

- (HOMER HUMMING A MELODY) - (BART CHEWING NOISILY)

Every girl's dream, a perfect family.

Good morning, sleepyhead.

For breakfast, tofu or kale?

Oh, that's nice.

But what's with the button eyes?

We don't all have button eyes, silly.

Some have button mouths.

: What's up?!

Lisa, would you like to jam with us?

You like jazz?

You're all good, but not better than me.

I wish I could stay forever.

Oh, but you can.

All right. Let me guess.

Do you have to sew buttons over my eyes?

Don't worry, sugar plum,

we'll give you a button to bite on

while we sew 'em on.

- (SCREAMS) - Hold steady.