On Golden Pond

Norman, come here. Come here.

Norman.

Hurry up.

The loons. The loons.

They're welcoming us back.

I don't hear a thing.

Just look at this place.

- It's a mess, isn't it? - Just take a second.

It'll be all shipshape again

and warmer.

Phone works!

At least I think it does.

Hello.

Hello!

Who the hell is that?

Who the hell's in this picture here?

Who the hell is that?

Hello. Who's this?

The operator?

What do you want?

You called. You must want something.

Oh, wait a minute.

I did call you, but you never answered.

Well, how are you?

How nice.

Listen, this is Norman Thayer, Jr. over on Golden Pond.

I have something I want you to do.

Call me up. Can you do that?

I want to check my phone, see if it still rings.

Hasn't rung all winter. May have lost its whatsie.

You have my number?

I have no idea.

It's got a nine, that's all I know.

It's in the book! You must have a book.

Norman Thayer, Jr.

Let's give her a try, shall we?

Who the hell is that?

Someone's at the door.

It's me, you old poop!

Well, look at you.

Look at me?

Quite a sight, aren't I?

Oh, Norman, it's so beautiful.

Everything's just waking up.

Little tiny birds, little tiny leaves.

I saw a patch of little tiny flowers

over by the old cellar hall.

I forget what they're called.

Little, tiny yellow things.

Well... want to help me with the dust covers?

I don't have anything else to do.

Come on.

What were you doing out in the woods?

Norman, what do you think I was doing?

I was getting wood.

Hey, I met the nicest couple.

- Huh? Where? - In the woods.

Couple of people?

No, a couple of antelope.

Of course, a couple of people.

The name is Migliori, I believe.

Migliori? What sort of name is that?

I don't know, darling. Italian, I suppose.

- They're up from Boston. - They speak English?

Well, of course they speak English.

They're a nice, middle-aged couple, just like us.

If they're just like us, they're not middle-aged.

Of course they are.

Middle-aged means the middle, Ethel.

Middle of life. People don't live to be 150!

Well, we're at the far edge of middle age, that's all.

We're not, you know.

We're not middle-aged. You're old and I'm ancient.

Oh, pooh!

You're in your 70s and I'm in my 60s.

Just barely, on both counts.

Would you like to spend the rest of the afternoon

quibbling about this?

We can if you like.

For the Lord's sake.

The Miglioris, whatever their age group,

have invited us to have dinner sometime.

Wouldn't that be nice?

No, I'm not sure my stomach's ready for rigatoni.

- That sort of thing. - Oh, no!

Poor Elmer!

He's had a terrible fall.

Poor little Elmer, the life you've led.

He was my first true love, you know.

Known all along I wasn't the first in line.

No, you were a rather cheap substitute for Elmer.

And now he's had a fall.

Maybe he wanted to kill himself. Maybe he wanted to be cremated.

Probably got cancer or termites or something.

- Shut up, Norman. - Not a bad way to go, huh?

A quick frontflip off the mantel, a bit of a kick at the last minute,

end up right in the fire... nothing to it.

Norman, will you shut up?

When my number's up, do that for me, will ya?

Prop me up on the mantel and point out which way is down.

Might even try for a full gainer with a half twist.

Norman Thayer Jr., your fascination with dying

is beginning to frazzle my good humor.

Not fascination.

- Just crosses my mind now and then. - Every five minutes.

Don't you have anything else to think about?

Nothing quite as interesting.

Well, what's stopping you?

Why don't you take your dive and get it over with?

And leave you alone with Elmer?

- You must be mad! - Oh, for pity's sake.

Come on, help me get the canoe off the porch.

Norman, are you paddling?

Of course I'm paddling.

Then you're not steering.

You want me to take the stern?

I most certainly do not.

Norman!

- Good God, what is it? - Look, look!

Oh, look, I've spotted the loons.

Oh, they're so lovely!

Here, here.

Look.

- Can you see them? - No.

Oh, my goodness! There they are.

Oh, they're so beautiful.

Yeah, they're huge.

I never saw such big loons in my life.

Those are boats, you poop.

Come in closer.

A husband and wife.

I think they're looking at us.

Yeah, they are.

What the hell's the matter with them?

Hey, buzz off!

Buzz off!

- Ethel, what are you doing? - What do you mean what am I doing?

- Don't do that. - Why not? You did it.

Never mind, I'll explain later.

5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11.

How about that? Right on your man.

Where were you?

Where was I?

Oh, come off it. Don't give me that.

5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10... damn!

11, yes. Damn it.

Good night, sweet prince.

5, 10, 15, and 20.

Well, mother!

You want to stay here and watch the boat

while I run into the store?

I think I'm qualified to watch the boat.

Come with me if you want to.

- No, thank you very much. - Okay.

- Hello, Sumner. - Good morning, Mrs. Thayer.

- Will you fill her up, please? - Sure.

Norman will help you.

That'll be $38, please, Mr. Thayer.

God...

you know how much gasoline cost when I was your age?

12 cents a gallon.

Is that a fact?

I didn't even know they had gas back then.

What are you, a couple of nitwits?

Think it's funny being old?

My whole goddamn body's falling apart.

Sometimes I can't even go to the bathroom when I want to.

But I'm still a man, let me tell you. And I can take on both you punks!

Norman! Here we go.

Thanks, boys.

I'll drive home.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

If I make the wrong turn and wind up in Michigan

or someplace, be sure you let me know.

Someone's at the door.

It's me, you old poop!

- Where you been? - Picking strawberries.

There were oodles and oodles of little strawberries

- along the old town road. - How nice.

What on earth you're doing in here

on a morning like this, Norman, is beyond me.

I've been quite busy looking through

yesterday's paper for gainful employment.

- Here we go again. - Very good prospects, I think.

Chauffeurs, yard work.

Dairy Divine wants a... ice cream dipper.

I think I can do something like that.

Don't you? What do you think?

What are you gonna do if you call and they say,

"Come on over and start tomorrow"?

I'll go on over and start tomorrow.

Oh, for the love of God, Norman,

what on earth's the matter with you?

Look, give me that stuff.

Why don't you take these buckets

and go pick us another quart of strawberries?

And I'll fix us up a scrumptious strawberry shortcake for lunch.

Go on.

You want me to pick strawberries?

Yep. Do I have to put an ad in the paper?