American Dad!

Daddy's home!

Another mission, survived.

Oh, Stan!

It's always such a relief to have you back...

You're soaked in sweat!

Where was your mission, inside a giant pair of ski boots?

We relocated a family for the witness protection program,

and part of that is actually helping the people move.

Dick made fun of me for wearing a back brace

then threw his own back out trying to show off.

It was awesome.

I had to move two pool tables by myself, but totally worth it.

Witness protection?! How exciting!

How did the people end up there? Did they see someone get iced?

Sorry. Those are state secrets.

Which is unfortunate for you

'cause this town's crawlin' with fascinating witnesses!

But I'm a vault, baby! These secrets die with me.

Unless I die after 2035.

That's when they become public domain.

Attention, please. I have an announcement.

I found my first gray hair.

And I couldn't be happier!

I'd always hoped to go full gray by the end of high school,

and this is the first step towards that silver-fox dream!

Like Jamie Lee Curtis!

This is great news!

My boy is ready for a man's barber shop.

You can finally come to Bushwhackers!

The haircuts are whatever, but the vibe's incredible.

We sit around for hours just choppin' it up.

- Chopping what up? - You know, "choppin' it up."

Gabbin', shootin' the shit,

smokin' and jokin' without the smokin'.

Chit-chat on steroids. You're gonna love it.

Let's go!

Also, babe, on my walk this morning,

I made contact with a really big dog

and I finally found my dinosaur book and...

- Jeff! What's up? - Not much.

No. Why are you telling me

about every little thing in your life?

I am trying to read Cinnabon's privacy policy.

Well, my memory's so bad that I know

if I don't tell you everything right away,

the important stuff will slip through the cracks.

How about this... Instead of telling me

everything as it happens,

write it all down in this notebook.

Oh, I get it!

And then I can go through it

and share the most important parts with you

No!

You ever see the show Cheers?

I'm kinda the Sam Malone around here.

You have to be Kirstie Alley. Everyone else is taken.

Oh! No, I knew you were gonna say that!

- Oh, you... - That's Tony. He's great.

He has a bunch of brothers who refuse to talk to him,

and he won't tell us why.

It was a soul-stirring episode.

No, no, no, no, no! No Masked Singer talk.

I wasn't able to watch last night 'cause I...

was on a date!

So, where'd you take Tuttle's mom?

Yeah! Where'd you take my mom, Tony?

My mom missed my ninth birthday party

'cause of a vicious yeast infection.

I'm, sorry to hear that, Stan.

Tony, this is my son, Steve.

He just got his first gray hair.

I remember my first gray hair...

but it wasn't on my head.

Hey, Steve, pretty soon

the whole town's gonna know about your gray hair.

Raymont here's a real blabbermouth.

It's true!

That's why I became a news director.

Lewis was talking about his PEEEE-NISSSSS!

So, my date last night.

You'll never guess who it was with.

Dracula! Dracula's a funny guess!

Oh, no...

Guys, it was Tanya from the nail salon across the street.

- He-yo! - Va-va-va voom!

Suck your blood!

Hey, Tony, want to see a picture of a rose?

It's got the reddest petals, like red on steroids!

I should probably focus on the kid's hair.

So how'd the date go?

Yeah. Did ya get lucky?

Actually, boys, I did get lucky...

'cause I forgot my wallet and she had to pay!

Classic Tony!

Save that money, bitch!

Who wants to hear more

about my mother's yeast infection?

Another great trip to the barber shop.

Damn. I was on "fi-ah" today.

"Steve got his hairs cut.

Mr. S got caught on fire.

Mrs. S is watching pornography on the living-room TV."

Must have been cool seeing your dad in his element?

It was... It was fine, I guess.

You guess? Come on! Tell your mother how awesome I was.

- I can't. - Sure, you can!

It's not braggin' if you're talking about somebody else.

Dad, you were completely out of sync.

Every time you spoke,

the conversation came to a screeching halt.

No! I'm good at chopping it up.

I'm Sam from Cheers!

No chance. You're...

Gosh, I can't even give you the quiet guy with glasses

who pops up like every 10 episodes.

You're so out of place, it'd be like if a character

from a completely different show came in the bar...

Maybe Gargamel from The Smurfs?

And I feel like that's even generous.

Nope. We are going back to Bushwhackers.

I'm gonna show you how wrong you are!

I think Doctor Throbber's wiener may have never been broken.

Well, I'm on your side, Brian.

It sounds like vengeance was necessary.

The kid's neck is ready for another shave, Tony.

Okay, what are we talking about?

I was just explaining to the fellas

why the Coast Guard keeps coming around looking for me.

Coast Guard, coast is clear, Clear Channel, English Channel.

Go, Bazooka Sharks, guv'na!

Not exactly a standing ovation.

But that's okay. Let's go with a classic.

Hey, have I ever shown you guys this amazing picture of a rose?!

Gargamel...

Gargamel...

Gargamel...

Am I bad at chopping it up?

So I told him, "For a perfect ham sandwich,

the secret is... uncooked black beans."

Secrets?! You want secrets?!

Well, Tuttle's in the witness protection program

'cause he saw a bunch of murders!

Stan! How could you?!

Stan, if that's true, you basically just killed Tuttle.

Hey, we're... we're just guys chopping it up, right?

What happens at Bushwhackers stays at Bushwhack...

Gotta go!

I'm receiving breaking news from my boss

with another Chop From the Barber Shop.

Langley Falls' own Al Tuttle

is in the witness protection program.

Is this station responsible for the certain death of Al Tuttle?

We blame the person who told us... Stan Smith.

As always, our file photos come from Pogofest 2017.

I can't believe he's dead.

Goes to show, you can go at any moment,

no matter how perfect your body is.

If I'm God, I'd want that back, too.

This is tragic!

I was about to get Tuttle to lend me 16 bucks.

- I needed that 16! - Why?

I'm getting sued for renting someone

an apartment I don't own.

It costs 16 bucks to park at the courthouse,

where I will tell that person to go himself.

You're doing great. We'll be done here soon,

then we'll set you up with a new identity.

- Thanks, Stan... - Oh, God!

I just miss you so much, buddy!

So sad! So unsuspicious!

Today we lay to rest Al Tuttle.

Tuttle was recently outed as a snitch

against multiple crime families.

But even more recently, he happened to die...

Murdered by one of the many prostitutes

he had grown to trust.

But most importantly, Tuttle is now very dead,

and anyone who came to town looking to kill him

can head home.

God did the job for you.

I thought a prostitute killed him?

The prostitute's name was God.

She was... Dutch, I believe.

No more questions. This funeral's over.

Why all the long faces?

It's a beautiful day. Let's chop it up.

Is there any difference between heavy cream

and heavy whipping cream?

Yeah. They add a protein that makes it easier to whip.

Oh. Well...

Tuttle's still alive! We faked the whole thing!

Well, shit. Up and at 'em. Time for plan B.

I'm going, too?!

Absolutely.

Your dad's been off his game.

I can't leave you thinking that's how Big Stan operates.

Is this really a mission for a 14-year-old to be going on?!

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I was talking to a gray-haired man.

Oh, my God!

Tuttle was dead, and now he's back to life!