Dirty Laundry

("Cruisin' with the Top Down" by Sam Winans and Jim Bond)

- So Jay, you finally ran outta clean clothes, huh?

Well that's a fine observation, Oscar.

Wanna go down to the laundry for a spin?

Oh, no thanks.

I'm workin' on a computer program

that'll cut my homework time in half.

Brain of yours never stops, does it?

- Only for sex or sleep, not necessarily in that order.

You know Jay, I know you're a sound man and all;

but too much loud music in the ear's gonna make you go deaf.

What?

No actually, I wear these so I can tune out

the rest of the world.

Bye, world.

Jerk!

Jerk!

Oh, don't mind him.

He's a little weird, but he's a nice guy.

Now myself on the other hand, I'm free tonight

and I was thinkin' maybe we.

Trish Burton, Entertainment World.

Trish Burton, Entertainment World.

Trish Burton, Entertainment World.

Trish Burton, Entertainment World.

Tell me.

Ooh, my god!

Excuse me.

Trish Burton, Entertainment World.

Tell me Ricky, what do you think about (shrieks).

Hey, you're that lady from the--

Let go of me.

Ricky, how was the Florida tour?

- Excuse me, are you up for the LA concerts?

Do you think you can handle this kinda schedule?

Tell 'em I can't communicate today.

Folks, folks.

Ricky's not able to answer any questions right now.

Tell 'em to go piss off.

- Ricky's color analyst says-- - We heard him.

- There's a couple things I have to do at the hotel.

so you go ahead and go and I'll meet ya there, okay?

- All right, see ya later. - All right,

talk to ya in a little.

Gorgon here, what do ya want?

Mr. Gorgon, it's Trish.

Trish.

Trish who?

Your new reporter.

Oh oh, yeah.

Big mouth, clean cut, yeah. - That's me.

Did you get the Ricky Savoy story?

I want that piece on my desk.

Did you get it yet?

Well, not exactly.

You mean no, Mr. Gorgon, sir.

I ain't got your goddamn interview

because I'm a lazy, good-for-nothin' little skirt

who ain't got the brains of a garden variety turnip.

That's what you mean!

Well that's one way of putting it, sir.

Not quite the way I choose.

Listen, girly.

Listen real good.

There are six girls in that waiting room

dreaming of a job like yours, you got that?

Mr. Gorgon, don't you think

you're exaggerating a little bit?

Anybody out there wanna be a reporter?

- Yes! - Yes, Mr. Gorgon!

Satisfied?

Yeah.

Now get it straight, little lady.

Your interview on my desk by midnight tonight

or you're back-tappin' the tarmac.

That means walkin' the streets.

Catch my drift?

Yes, sir.

I'm sorry, sir.

Yes, yes.

Now I hope he's not late.

Oh, close the door.

Naughty, naughty, naughty.

Hey hey, it won't be the end.

Theo, I told ya it was over.

Over!

Now look, don't gimme no lip about this.

You comin' home and you comin' home.

- And just where were you last night anyway?

- Hey, that ain't none of your damn business.

I'm not feelin' it.

I know it ain't none of my business no more.

I don't care 'bout you.

- Now look, you comin' home and you comin' home now.

- Before I scream. - Go and scream!

Scream all you want.

What you think, someone's gonna do somethin' huh, huh?

Well I never.

You stop this!

Stop this right now!

- What's that, a friend of yours or somethin'?

That's your mama's friend.

You better let go of me.

Theo, stop before I scream.

Vern, this is none of your business.

- Huh, huh? - You know

I'm not playin' wit you, Theo.

You better let me go.

You know what?

You may look like Joe Frazier. - I just washed these clothes!

But you sure don't box like him.

C'mon, killer. - Theo, Theo, Theo.

C'mon! - Theo.

All nutso!

It's over, Theo. (laughs)

37 and Kurtz, 607.

Can't even eat a donut in peace.

I'll meet you later.

Has he got the right bag?

Oh, officers.

Officers, we saw the whole thing.

It was fantastic.

They had a fight!

This man and this woman, they came through the door.

Look, the glass is all over the floor.

- You buddy, you see any of what happened here?

What?

You see any of this that happened here?

Huh?

What are you doin' here anyway?

What am I doing here?

Oh, I'm entering the high-tech world

of computer maintenance.

What d'you think I'm doin' here?

I'm doin' my laundry.

Well you better move it along.

This here is a crime scene now.

Officer, this is Los Angeles.

Everywhere's a scene of a crime.

Yeah well, move it along

and take your weird noises with you.

I got you.

- It's just like Saturday night at the wrestling match.

You know when Hulk Hogan gets a hold of that--

Son of a bitch.

- That and he grabs him this way and he grabs him that way.

Oh I tell you, it's really something, isn't it?

It's wonderful. (laughs)

No no no, Vern.

That's enough. - Well.

Well well well, what have we here?

That's your granddaughter's.

Sure.

Well, we don't like it either.

We just do the laundry. - Uh-huh.

- Getting back to the man in the parking lot.

Young man, is that really necessary?

Standard procedure.

Just doin' my job, ma'am.

Well just relax, for god's sake.

It's only soap powder.

- Let me do that. - No, I'll get it.

- Let me do that. - I'll get this.

I'll get it.

Now now, I don't see why you policemen

have to harass innocent citizens like us.

Well for heaven's sake, we were only trying

to report a vicious and dangerous example of civic unrest.

- Hey. - What is it now?

This isn't soap powder. (sniffs)

This is cocaine.

Wally. - Shall I, Heidi?

- I'm afraid so. - All of these are cocaine.

These old ladies are dealin' cocaine.

Damn pigs, you'll never take us alive!