The Office

- Hey ya, may I help you on here ? - I'm all set thank you.

Good, I *go with the rows*. That's a good idea.

Today is diversity day,

and someone is going to come in and talk to us about diversity,

something that I've been pushing,

that I've been wanting to push for a long time, and corporate mandated it,

I never actually talked to corporate about it,

they kind of beat me with the punch,

those bastards !

But I was going to, and I think it's very important that we have this,

I'm very very excited.

That's the thing, it's a very sturdy paper,

and on the back it says : 100% post customer contempt.

What ? Hello, haha, wait what ?

I'm sorry mister Decker, I think I'm losing you.

Hello ? Hello ? Yeah, hold on one sec, hold on one second.

- Do you really have to do that right now ? - Yes I do.

I should have done this weeks ago actually.

Mister Decker, I'm sorry about that, would you wait one second ?

Yeah, just one second. Thanks.

Hello ? That's it, perfect. So what I was saying was... hello ?

- Thanks Dwight. - "Retaliation". Tit for tit.

- That is not the expression. - Well that should be.

This is my bigger sale of the year.

They love me over there, for some reason, I’m not really sure why,

but you know I make one call over there, every year, just to renew their account.

And that one call ends up being 25% of my commission, for the whole year.

So you know, I buy a mini bottle of champagne, and celebrate.

And this year, I'm pushing recycle paper on them, for one percent more.

I know, getting cocky right.

- Solitaire ? - Yeah, free cell.

- A 6 on 7. - I know, I saw that.

- So then why didn't you do it ? - I'm saving that,

- cause I like it when the cards go... - Who doesn't love that ?

- Hey ! Oscar, how you doing man ? - All right.

A good week end going there ?

- It was fun. - Oh yeah bet it was fun

- Oh hey ! This is Oscar. - Martinez.

- See, I didn't even know, first thing basis. - We're all set.

Oh hey, diversity everybody let's do it.

Oscar works in here.

- Jim can you rapid up please ? - Yeah.

It's diversity day Jim,

wish everyday was diversity day.

You know what, I'm actually gonna have to call you back.

Thank you, sorry about that.

- Thank you - Get in the cars ! Get in the car !

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Ok thanks for filling these, I promise this will be quick.

At diversity today our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations,

we believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance.

You know what ? This is a color free zone here.

Stanley, I don't look at you as another race.

See, this is what I'm talking about, we don't have to pretend that we're colorblind.

- Exactly. We're not colorblinds. - That's fighting ignorance with - With intolerance.

No, with more ignorance. Right exactly. Instead we need to celebrate our diversity.

Let's celebrate.

"Celebrate good times. Come on !" Let's celebrate diversity right ?

Yes, exactly. Now, here's what we're gonna do, I’ve noticed that uh...

You know what, here's what we're gonna do.

What if we go around and everybody, everybody,

say a race that you are attracted to sexually, I will go last. Go.

I have two. White and Indian.

Actually I prefer not to start that way.

Michael I would love to have your permission to run this session, can I have your permission ?

- Yes. - Thank you very much.

And it would also help me if you were seated.

Thank you. Ok.

Now, at the start of the session I had you write down an incident

that you found offensive in the workplace.

- Now what I'm gonna do is choose one and we're gonna act like... - A few other ground rules ?

Why don't you run it by me and I run it by him ?

OK. Can we steer away from gay people ?

I'm sorry it's an orientation, it's not a race.

Plus a lot of other racists are also intolerant at gays so,

paradox.

Well we only have an hour.

- Why don't we just refer to Mr. uh ? - Mr. brown.

Oh all right ! ok !

First test, I will not call you that !

Well it's my name it's not a test, ok ?

So. Looking few cards I've noticed that many of you wrote down the same incident,

which is ironic,

because it's the exact incident I was brought in here to respond to.

Now how many of you are familiar with the Chris Rock routine ?

Very good, ok.

How come Chris rock can do a routine,

and everybody finds it hilarious, and ground breaking,

and I go into the exact same routine, same comedy timing,

and people file a complaint to corporate ?

Is it because I’m white, and Chris is black ?

So we're gonna reenact this with a more positive outcome.

I will play the Chris rock guy !

I would like to see someone else pull this off.

Oh let's have someone who wasn't involve in the reenactment ?

Ok, I will play guy listening.

Great, guy listening.

- Ok anyone else remember ? - I remember.

Great you're the Chris rock guy and you're the guy listening.

Kevin is a great guy,

he's a great accountant, he is not much of an entertainer.

Basically, there are two types of black people.

And black people are actually more racists,

because they hate the other type of black people.

Every time the one type wants to have a good time,

then the other type comes in and makes a real mess.

Ok I’m sorry, I’m sorry he's ruining, he's butchering it, could you just let me...

Every time, every time black people want to have a good time,

some biiiip ass biiiip, I take care of my kids !

... always want credit for something they're supposed to do !

Stop it !

What do you want ? Cookie ?

Now this is a simple acronym, H.E.R.O.

At diversity today we believe it's very easy to be a hero.

All you need are Honesty, Empathy, Respect and Open mindedness.

- Excuse me ? I'm sorry but that's not all it takes to be a hero. - Oh great, what is a hero to you ?

A hero kills people. People that wish him harm.

Ok.

A hero is part human, part supernatural,

a hero is born out of a child with trauma, or out of a disaster,

that must be avenged.

- Ok, you're thinking of a superhero. - We all have a hero in our heart.

Now I need you to take these forms,

this is the kind of expresses the joint experience we had today.

and I want you to look them over and sign them, as a kind of a group pledge.

I don't think I can sign this.

I can't leave until you do.

It says here that I've learned something,

and I knew all this stuff already so...

You know I could sign something that says that I taught something

or that I helped you teach something so, Pam, where's she ?

- Pam could we change something on this ? - Michael can I talk to you candidly ?

- Sure. - We both know that I’m here because of the comments that you've made.

Here's the thing, this office, I think it's very advanced,

in terms of racial awareness.

And it's probably more advanced than you're used to.

- That's probably throwing you off. - It's not throwing me, I need your signature.

- Ok I know you told me that, several times. - Yes, but you're not listening to me,

- yours is the only signature I need. - Oh ok.

Those are my instructions from the corporate offices

is to put your through this seminar, for the comments that you made,

and the only reason why I made copies for everyone was that you wouldn’t be embarrassed.

Well here I am thinking that you actually cared about diversity training,

and you don't.

- Don't worry about dating. - I won't.

- Ok thank you. - Yep.

I regret my actions, I regret offending my co-workers.

I pledge to bring my best spirit of honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness,