Everybody Loves Raymond

Hi.

Hi, Marie.

Why was a truck in front of the house.

With the dancing little bugs on top?

- We've got termites. - Oh, my god!

Oh!

Oh, dear! I told you, dear.

You have to keep up with your housekeeping.

Marie, why don't you...

Oh, children, come on.

Off the floor right now.

Come on, come on. Come on.

You're all coming to stay with grandma.

No, we have a hotel that we're gonna stay at.

While they tent the house.

A hotel?

Those places are even dirtier than here.

It's the Raymond bar one living memorial.

- Yeah. - So what happens?

Every 45 minutes, an actor dressed as you comes in.

And recreates scenes from your life, huh?

Yeah.

"oh, no, where's my retainer?"

"Oh!

"Hey, what's that? A pimple?

You know, all the other guys have hair down here."

Yeah. That's it.

That's the whole show.

All right, here we go.

The honeymoon suite.

We've got the closet right over here.

Toilet down the hall...

Light switch.

Okay, we've got it. Thank you.

I'm not tipping you, Robert.

No, no. I just can't believe you're back.

Don't worry, Robert.

It's just for a couple of days.

Yeah. That's what I said.

I'm sure you'll have a marvelous time.

Mom's going all out now that

"Raymond has come home!"

All right, thank you.

All right, and by the way, there's a few rules.

I take my showers at 6:35 in the a.M.

You will please refrain from any and all flushing.

Despite what dad thinks, it is not funny.

Enjoy your stay.

- What are you doing? - Setting my alarm for 6:35.

Hey, they're touching my stuff.

- Who? - Your kids.

The two boys and the other one.

I had a whole stack of quarters.

Now it's a pile!

He keeps his quarters stacked up on the dresser.

And I don't like anyone touching them!

You know that! - I know!

- You bet you do! - I know that I do!

And don't you forget it!

I know, dad! I won't!

It's so-o-o peaceful here.

And I'll say this,

It's much smaller than a hotel room would have been.

Come on. In a hotel room, you...

You couldn't get the complete set.

Of "the book of knowledge."

Hey, let's look up reproductive organs.

That's all I had.

That's all I had.

Oh, Debra.

You're here. - Hi.

Hi.

I was just getting ready to watch my program.

Now.

Bonjour, mes etudiants de francais,

And welcome to "everyday french every day."

This is my french lesson.

I watch it every day...

At 4:00...

Here.

You know, Debra, I tidied up raymond's room.

Wouldn't you be more comfortable there?

Oh, the twins are napping in there.

Oh.

Say it with me.

"Une baguette avec du from age."

Une baguette avec du from age.

Debra, you're reading,

And I'm sure this is distracting for you.

Oh, no. I'm used to tv.

I can just tune it right out.

A blood sausage...

Du boudin.

Du boudin.

It was glaring on the screen.

- Yeah. -

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's probably too dark in here for you now.

No, no. That's fine.

Oh, good.

Good.

So long as you're comfortable.

That's the important thing.

I can't stand it! I can't live here this way.

You're leaving?

Hey, you're eating the brownies!

They're for...

I know. Everything's for our very special guest...

Raymond.

Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond,

Raymond, Raymond...

Raymond, you have to do something.

All right, well, I didn't prepare anything,

But how about this?

I'm trying to watch my french class in there,

And it's very difficult.

Tres difficile.

Aw, ma, don't french, okay?

Why? What's the matter?

Well, debra's in there reading.

- What? Out loud? - No!

But I just don't feel free to participate.

It's very intrusive.

What?

Yeah, and one of your kids.

Is clomping around in my shoes.

Some people find that cute.

I hate that.

Yeah, and, ray,

Who flushed this morning while I was conditioning?

J'accuse.

Oh.

Oh...

That's good, Robbie. Good.

He's accusing you.

I'm ignoring him.

Ray. Please, Raymond, go in and talk to Debra.

I'm missing my french class.

Ma, no!

- Oh, please, please. - No.

Please. S'il vous plait.

Yah-ha! Ma...

Don't "boo bah blah" me. All right.

Hey, could you go read in the other room?

Why?

My mom's trying to be french in here,

And you're...

Intruding.

What?

I don't know. You're in the way.

Look at you.

Wait. Let me get this straight.

Sitting quietly on the sofa.

Reading to myself is intruding?

You know how the french are.

I'm intruding...

But her coming over to my house every day with food,

And rewashing the kids' clothes,

And your father fixing things until they're broken,

That's not intruding? - Okay, all right, look.

It's one more day. - Oh, this is... I love this.

- Now I really love this. - Just play along.

One more. That's all.

- - what?

What?

You know what?

She thinks reading is intrusive?

okay.

Oh, what the hell was that?

What was what?

That, that "heh heh... Okay"? What?

Nothing. No. I was just thinking.

termite bastards.

I wanna watch "care bears."

Hey, get outta the way!

Sweetie.

Sweetie!

Ally, here's your corn dog, honey.

Ally's having a corn dog now?

Yeah.

I made enough for everybody. You want one?

But it's almost dinner, and mom's making lasagne.

Mmm.

We shouldn't...

be having corn dogs now.

Get one for me too.

- Yeah! Corn dog! -

Hey, bubble wrap. - Hi.

How was the rest of your day, hmm?

- It's better now. - Yep.

Hey, I'm back.

Oh, and I got all kinds of goodies here for you.