Who's That Knocking at My Door

Okay , it's eight minutes before the big time for news!

Yes , sir , it's WCAG here , with 64 beautiful degrees out.

Okay , now.

- What do you say, Joe? - Hello, Curtie.

There he is.

Let's go, Curtie.

How are you?

- Let me look at your cards. - Sure.

Thank you.

It's a good hand.

What about you, Gaga? Can I look at your cards?

- Yeah. - Thank you, Gaga.

You lose.

What's wrong, Joey, huh?

You lose because you're playing with my money.

- Joey! Joey, cut it out! - You like to steal?

- Don't! - You like to steal? You wanna steal?

- You steal from your mother, not me. - I'm sorry!

Your priest you tell you're sorry to. Me, you don't tell you're sorry to!

I don't give absolution. Me, you don't steal from.

How was I to know...?

- Never again, right? - Right!

- Never again. - All right.

- Joey, I swear on my mother... - Don't swear to me.

I don't want swearing. Just don't steal no more.

I'm warning you, the next time you do, I go right to your brothers.

- You know what happens then, right? - Okay, okay.

No more aggravation. Have a drink. We'll forget about this.

Now, that's enough.

One thing I don't understand, why do you call him Gaga?

Why do I call him Gaga?

Because he's stupid, that's why.

You can look at it if you want to.

No, no. That's all right. I was just looking.

Oh, I know.

But if you'd like to read it, you can.

I'm not annoyed.

I just noticed the picture of what's his name over there.

- Wayne. You know, John Wayne. - Oh, yes.

Yeah, but that isn't an American magazine...

...and it just seemed funny to me. You know what I mean?

Yes.

- What kind of magazine is that? - French.

That doesn't look French. Do you read French?

No.

Well, just a few words.

They should have an English version, though.

Yeah, like the Italian movies, when they dub it.

No, it just threw me, because I've seen foreign magazines before...

...but, like, the Italian ones, you can tell right away what kind they are.

- You know what I mean? - Oh, yes, like Oggi.

Excuse me?

Oggi. That's an Italian magazine.

- O-G-G-I. - Oh, yeah.

- That one that looks like Life , yeah. - Right.

- " Oggi ," that means "today," you know? - Yes, I know.

It's like The Today Show. I think it comes out every week, you know, like Life.

It's like a news thing, you know. They make it...

...like a type of news thing. - Yes.

So that's really a French magazine, huh?

- Yes, I'm afraid it is. - Well ...

How the hell did they ever get ahold of The Searchers ?

The what?

The Searchers. It's a movie made about, you know, 11 years ago.

That picture of John Wayne is from that movie.

I don't seem to remember it.

Well, you know, with John Wayne.

Oh, that other guy was in it. What's his name? He ...

He played Christ three years ago in some movie.

I don't think I know it.

- Oh, was he Swedish? - No, no. American.

- Roland ... - Recent picture?

- Just a few years ago. - It's a Western.

Yeah.

- Oh, you mean Jeffrey Hunter? - That's right. Hunter, right.

Oh, now you remember the picture?

No, I don't.

It was in color.

- Nope. - No.

Well.

Wait, you know what? Natalie Wood did a small part in that, one of her first parts.

She had a big scene at the end there with Hunter, you know.

She comes running down the desert over to Hunter, and she says:

"Unnt-meah! Go, Martin! Go! Unnt-meah! Go! Go!"

She's trying to get him to go, you know?

I don't remember it.

Well, I'll tell you, you missed a good picture.

Sorry.

Oh, there was one scene in that movie that was a classic.

You know, the chief of the tribe, his name is Cicatrice, Spanish for "scar."

He talks English to John Wayne, and Wayne says:

"You talk good English. Somebody teach you?" But real nasty.

And then when Wayne talks Comanche, not Comanche, but Comanche...

...to Scar, Scar says:

"You talk good Comanche. Somebody teach you?" But ...

- Sounds like a nasty fellow. - Who?

- The man with the... The Indian. - Cicatrice, Spanish for "scar." Yeah.

He was more nasty than Wayne could ever get.

But then again, he was a bad guy.

There were a lot of nasty Comanches in that picture.

- Nasty picture. - Well, then again...

...John Wayne could get pretty nasty too, when he wanted to be.

Wait, was that the picture where Jeffrey Hunter is supposed to be trading rugs...

...and he trades for an Indian bride? - Right!

That's the picture.

- That was a good picture. - Good? That picture was great.

Well, I'm not used to admitting I like Westerns.

Oh, yeah. Why not, huh? Everybody should like Westerns.

Solve everybody's problems if they liked Westerns.

- Okay, I like Westerns! - Okay, then.

Man, that was some picture.

Some picture.

Here. Take the magazine and look at it.

- Oh, no. - Come on. Go ahead.

- I don't wanna. - I don't mind.

- Go ahead. - All right.

Thanks.

You have to give it back, though.

- I swear to God I'll give it back. - Okay.

You come around a lot? Got people here?

No, no. This is the first time. I just came for the ride.

- The ride? What ride? - The ferry.

Oh, no. You mean to tell me you do this for fun?

Yeah. Why?

Well, I just don't look at this as being a cruise, you know?

I had to pick up this package at my grandmother's, you know?

Oh, that's nice.

Well, it's not really all that nice.

I gotta bring it back. I have no car so I had to take the ferry.

You know, the one that goes across the river to New York.

It doesn't sound like you take the ferry often.

You can bet your life I don't.

Don't you like Staten Island?

Well, I've got nothing against it personally, you know.

But , really , it kind of shortens your breath. The air is lousy.

If you're not used to it , it can get you.

That's right. I'm not used to it. I don't like tropical climates.

There's one way around it.

Go to down to Canal Street and Broadway, into an army surplus store.

You pick up a couple of gas masks, get halfway across the river, put them on.

- You like being stared at? - I'd stare right back.

- You would? - That's right.

Okay. I don't think I'd do it.

I tell you, I once saw this guy back in 196o. You know, that big snowfall we had?

Right in the middle of 14th and Broadway, this guy's playing golf.

- Golf? - I swear to God.

- Right in the street? - In the middle.

Wait a second, he says, "The trouble with the world today...

...is that if a guy wants to play golf in the street...

...people stare at him." - I don't believe you.

Would l...? I wouldn't lie to you.

You know how those knickers, whatever you call them, and the hat...?

- The whole outfit? The whole thing? - Right. Golf clubs, yeah.

That's crazy.

Yeah, well. It's kind of nice, though.

- Why? - The guy did what he wanted to do, golf.

I guess so.

Should you always do what you want to do?

Yeah, I think so.

- Do you? - Yeah.

I don't know , I hadn't thought about it. I guess so.

Thank you very much.

Ten minutes I've been talking. Nobody pays me any attention, right?

Now maybe I can say something.

Listen, let me ask you guys something.

Why can't I walk out in the street? No, don't answer me, I'll tell you why I can't.

Because you owe everybody in the world money.

Your friend owes everybody in the world money.

I want to go to Chinatown. I happen to like Chinese food, right?

I live right next door to Chinatown.

Biggest Chinatown in the world, but I can't go.

Seven blocks, I can't walk.

I walk out of here, people jump out of every block to get me when I walk.

So I may have to go to China to get Chinese food.

So do me that favor. No borrowing from Chinese people, okay? Good.

I only got one more thing to say.

Now, what are we gonna do tonight?

- Go to Chinatown. - What, you haven't been listening to me?

I can't walk to Chinatown because of you two.

I don't even like what they put in the food.

- Makes you sick. - You've eaten it before.

Yeah, and I got sick before, so I don't eat it anymore.

I'll tell you what, let's go uptown.

Come on. I hear they got a new broad uptown. We'll go and have some fun.

- I don't feel like going uptown. - What do you mean, you don't?

There's a new broad. She's supposed to be very nice. We'll take a ride and go uptown.

- I don't feel like going. - All right...

Let's go down to the Village, get a couple drinks.

Go down to the Village and get a couple drinks?

- What do you think I got? - I'm paying.

You're paying for it. I'm not worried about it.

You're a jerk-off. What do you think I got, a library?

- I got all the booze you want. - Don't worry about it. I'm paying!

I'll get you a drink.

I gotta go sit in Greenwich Village with a bunch of fairies? I don't need that.

- Let's go. - I don't feel like going uptown.

I don't feel good. I have to go up there?

You don't feel good? You just wanted a drink.

- Shut up, will you? - Hey, the kid's right.

When he's right, he's right. You don't feel good, why you want a drink?