Empty Nest

UH-HUH, YEAH.

NO, CAROL, DEAR,

I WON'T BE COMING HOME FOR DINNER TONIGHT.

IT'S THE HOSPITAL BOARD MEETING.

LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU AND BARBARA GO OUT AND HAVE A GOOD TIME?

NO, I MEANT TOGETHER.

WELL, BABY, YOU TWO USED TO PLAY TOGETHER

WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE GIRLS.

YOU DIDN'T? YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME YOU DID.

BYE, CAROL.

- GET READY TO EARN YOUR MONEY.

JEFFREY MILLSTEIN, ROOM ONE.

- JEFFREY'S BACK. OKAY.

WHAT IS IT THIS TIME? - WHO KNOWS?

WITH HIM, IT COULD BE ANYTHING

FROM A SPLIT LIP TO A SPLIT PERSONALITY.

WELL, JEFFREY. - HELLO, DR. WESTON.

NURSE TODD, YOU'RE LOOKING

ESPECIALLY LOVELY AND ANTISEPTIC TODAY.

THANK YOU.

- ALL RIGHT, COME ON, WHAT'S UP?

MY PULSE IS RACING.

I'M EXPERIENCING FREE-FLOATING ANXIETY

AND OCCASIONAL OUTBURSTS OF IRRITABILITY.

AND SO IT BEGINS.

- LOOK, NOW, JEFFREY, THIS SOUNDS LIKE IT COULD BE STRESS.

ANYTHING UNUSUAL GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE?

NOT REALLY, DR. WESTON.

SCHOOL IS FINE. SOCIAL LIFE IS FINE.

TOMORROW I DEFEND MY TITLE

IN THE MIAMI JUNIOR CHESS TOURNAMENT--

A MAJOR SOURCE OF MY SELF-ESTEEM.

MY DIET IS FINE. - WHOA-HO-HO-HO-HO.

WAIT A MINUTE. LET'S BACK UP THIS CHESS-TOURNAMENT THING.

- THE CHESS TOURNAMENT, OF COURSE.

YOU'RE A GENIUS, DR. WESTON.

- WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY GENIUS.

DITTO.

- YOU CAN'T IMAGINE THE PRESSURE I'M UNDER.

FOR THE LAST SIX YEARS, I'VE WON THIS CHESS TOURNAMENT.

AND WITH EACH YEAR, IT GETS HARDER.

WHEN YOU'RE THE BEST, THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE OUT THERE

TRYING TO TAKE YOUR PLACE.

I FEEL LIKE THAT AGING GUNFIGHTER

WHO NEVER KNOWS IF HIS NEXT DRAW WILL BE HIS LAST.

I USED THAT OLD WEST ANALOGY IN DEFERENCE TO YOU, NURSE TODD.

- JEFFREY, DEAR, UH, WHAT YOU'RE FORGETTING HERE

IS THAT CHESS IS JUST A GAME.

GO OUT THERE AND HAVE A LITTLE FUN.

DON'T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY.

- I'LL TRY. - YOU'LL SEE.

YOU SHOULD HAVE A GOOD TIME.

BUT FIRST I'M GONNA GO HOME

AND SHAVE ALL MY BODY HAIR ON THE OFF CHANCE

THAT AERODYNAMICS PLAYS SOME SMALL ROLE IN CHESS.

SORRY YOU HAD TO HEAR THAT, NURSE TODD.

- GRILLED SEA BASS, VERY DRY, NO BUTTER, NO SALT.

- RIBS, FRIES, AND ANOTHER PIÑA COLADA.

- THAT'S DEATH. YOU JUST ORDERED DEATH.

- NO, EXCUSE ME. WE DIDN'T ORDER WINE.

- COMPLIMENTS OF THE GENTLEMAN AT THE BAR.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- HE'S CUTE. - BARBARA, LOOK DEEPER.

HE'S REAL CUTE.

- NOW. WHAT I SEE IS A MAN WHO IS WELL-READ,

ENJOYS FOREIGN FILMS,

AND HAS A DEEP APPRECIATION FOR GERMAN EXPRESSIONISM.

- I'D LIKE TO SEE HIM IN CUTOFFS.

ME TOO.

LOOK, BARBARA, HE'S BLIND.

HI, CAN I JOIN YOU?

- WE'D BE DELIGHTED.

- I'M ALAN HUDSON. - THIS IS BARBARA WESTON,

AND I'M HER SISTER, CAROL.

THAT'S HOW THEY GET TO KNOW YOU.

- I HAVE AN ARRANGEMENT WITH THE BARTENDER.

ANYTIME A GOOD-LOOKING LADY COMES IN, HE LETS ME KNOW.

APPARENTLY, I JUST HIT THE DAILY DOUBLE.

- SO HOW'D YOU GET HERE TONIGHT?

YOU DIDN'T DRIVE. - BARBARA!

WHAT?

- IT'S OKAY. I TAKE CABS EVERYWHERE.

BETWEEN YOU AND ME, I HAVE A HUNCH

THEY TAKE ME MILES OUT OF MY WAY TO UP THE FARE.

THEY CLAIM IT'S THE SCENIC ROUTE,

BUT A LOT OF GOOD THAT DOES ME.

AH, THAT'S MY BEEPER.

GOT TO CALL MY OFFICE.

IN THE MEANTIME, WHY DON'T YOU WRITE YOUR PHONE NUMBER DOWN?

I'LL HAVE MY SECRETARY PUT IT INTO BRAILLE.

- BARBARA, GIVE ME A PEN. HE WANTS MY NUMBER.

YOUR NUMBER?

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE WANTS TO CALL YOU AND NOT ME?

- BECAUSE FOR ONCE, CUTENESS DOESN'T COUNT.

THIS IS A BLIND MAN.

THAT LITTLE HAIR-FLIP MOVE OF YOURS

IS GOING TO GET YOU NOWHERE.

YEAH, AND YOU CAN FORGET

LEANING OVER THE TABLE FOR THE BUTTER.

- ALAN, I THINK THERE'S BEEN

A SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING.

WE WEREN'T SURE WHO'S PHONE NUMBER YOU WANTED.

- ACTUALLY, I-- - NOW, BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING,

JUST REMEMBER THIS IS CAROL.

AND THIS IS BARBARA.

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

HE CHOSE A DINNER ROLL OVER ME.

HEY!

NOW, HERE'S A SURPRISE.

IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT.

BARBARA'S OUT, AND CAROL'S HOME WITH DADDY.

- CHARLEY, GO A LITTLE EASY HERE.

CAROL'S FEELING HURT.

BOTH THE GIRLS MET THIS MAN AT THE SAME TIME.

HE ASKED BARBARA OUT.

- DADDY, IT WASN'T JUST ANY MAN.

HE WAS BLIND.

HOLD IT.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

A BLIND GUY TURNED YOU DOWN?

DOES THE PHRASE "HIT BOTTOM" MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

ALL RIGHT, CHARLEY...

- DADDY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

I MEAN, ALAN'S BLIND. HE'S VULNERABLE.

THE MAN NEEDS SENSITIVITY AND COMPASSION,

AND HE CHOOSES BARBARA?

I MEAN, WHY WOULD HE CHOOSE BARBARA?

- MAYBE HE DOESN'T WANT WHINING.

YOU CAN HEAR WHINING.

- I MEAN, IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

HE FELT MY FACE AND EVERYTHING.

- HOUSTON, WE HAVE ISOLATED THE PROBLEM.

- CHARLEY, ISN'T THERE SOME SORT

OF PORKY'S FILM FESTIVAL YOU SHOULD BE ATTENDING?

HEY, I CAN TAKE A HINT.

- DADDY, YOU DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYTHING PATHETIC

ABOUT YOU AND ME BEING HOME TOGETHER

ON A SATURDAY NIGHT, DO YOU? - NO, HONEY, NOT AT ALL.

COME ON, DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT CHARLEY SAYS.

WELL, GOT A DATE. GOT TO GO.

ENJOY YOURSELF, DEAR.

DREYFUSS.

- WELL, GOOD NIGHT, ALAN. I HAD A NICE TIME.

- I HAD A GOOD TIME TOO. - I'LL JUST LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.

- BARBARA, I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

- I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUCH A GREAT IDEA.

GOOD NIGHT, ALAN. - UH, ALAN, WAIT A SECOND.

BARBARA, MAY I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?

BARBARA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THAT MAN JUST ASKED YOU OUT FOR ANOTHER DATE,

AND YOU SAID NO? - I DO THAT A LOT.

- WELL, YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH HIM.

WHY NOT?

- HE'S BLIND! HE'S BLIND! HE'S BLIND!

- I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE THE GUY AGAIN, OKAY?

WHY NOT?

- BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT HIM.

HE IS NOT THE SAME GUY WE MET AT THE RESTAURANT.

HE'S RUDE. HE'S NOT VERY THOUGHTFUL.

HE JUST GIVES ME THE CREEPS.

OH, THIS IS SOMETHING.

THE MAN IS VISUALLY IMPAIRED.

HE'S NEVER SEEN A LEAF OR A SUNSET.

THE GIFT OF SIGHT HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM HIM.

AND YOU, MY SISTER, DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN

BECAUSE HE JUST GIVES YOU THE CREEPS?

RIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, ALAN.

ALAN, OH, I'M SO SORRY.

YOU MUST BE SO HURT.

DON'T BE UPSET WITH BARBARA.

IT'S JUST THAT SHE'S YOUNG

AND--AND NEW TO THE WORLD OF THE--THE UNSIGHTED.

- YOU'RE A VERY UNUSUAL GIRL, CAROL,

I COULD TELL FROM THE MOMENT WE MET, YOU WERE...

SENSITIVE?

YEAH, OKAY.

- IT'S SO INTERESTING THAT YOU SHOULD CHOOSE THAT WORD.

- CAROL, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO YOU AND ME GOING OUT?

OH, ALAN!

FEEL MY HAPPINESS.

HI, JEFFREY.

WHAT HAPPENED? - FREAK ACCIDENT.

I WAS MOVING PAWN TO QUEEN'S BISHOP THREE

WHEN I HEARD A SNAP.

MY OWN FAULT, DR. WESTON.

I DIDN'T STRETCH BEFORE THE MATCH.

- LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. - NOT NECESSARY!

IF YOU'LL MERELY WRITE A NOTE EXCUSING ME FROM THE TOURNAMENT,

I'LL BE ON MY WAY.

- JEFFREY, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS ARM.

MAYBE THIS, UH, FIVER

WILL GET YOU TO TAKE A SECOND LOOK?

JEFFREY, COME ON!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

- WHAT I'VE BEEN FEARING FOR THE LAST SIX YEARS

HAS FINALLY COME TO PASS.

I'VE MET MY MATCH, DR. WESTON.

HIS NAME IS LUNYA VALENOVICH, A NINE-YEAR-OLD RUSSIAN EMIGRE.