Milf

Did you get a good look up there?

What?

You were checking out my ass.

I wasn't...

You're in my econ class, right?

I'm going to tell everyone what a creep you are.

No.

Dick.

No. No.

What the heck is wrong with you?

Dickhead!

Well, what's up, dickface?

Look, I'm headed into econ class.

I'm telling you, blow it off, you big nerd.

Spend the afternoon with me and Lori.

Lori is my mom, dude, and I can't miss econ again,

It's the only professor I have the takes attendance.

Dude, stop calling my mom Lori.

Relax. I'm almost there.

She's single. I'm allowed.

That's my mom.

What? We're in college now.

I am now officially one year older

Than she was when she birthed you.

You don't call adults you've known your entire life

By their first name.

It's that lack of sophistication

That's keeping you from getting laid, Brandon.

Look, dude, I'm headed into econ class now.

Just go get the booze and don't talk to Lor... To my mom.

Please, Anthony, I'm asking, just focus, man.

We need to get the booze for tonight's party.

Okay, I'm here.

I will tell Lori you said hello.

Ass. I'll talk to you later.

Later.

Hey, lo...

Hi, Anthony.

Mrs. Murphy.

Where's Brandon?

Brandon is at econ class,

And he wanted me

To pick up a few things in the garage.

Yeah, come in.

Okay. Cool.

So how's your mom? I heard what happened.

Is she all right?

Oh, yeah, yeah. She's fine.

She's cool.

She just moved into a new place.

And she's just enjoying her new freedom.

I bet.

Well, I'm going to be seeing holly tonight.

She just needs to get over that loneliness.

That's all.

Yeah.

You know where the garage is.

I'm taking off, Mrs. Murphy.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

My towel!

Mrs. Murphy...

where is he?

The party started ages ago.

I don't know. He should be back by now, though.

This sucks.

We can't dominate this game properly

With three of us.

Yeah, well, if we had beer,

We could gain access to the party.

If we gain access to the party,

We gain access to the pussy.

Hey, contact right! Frag out!

Damn it!

Oh, come on. Like you guys

Are going to get anywhere at the party.

Returning fire!

Oh! Whatever.

Ross and I here read a book the other day.

Oh, yeah. It was pretty good stuff.

It was called the mystery method.

We are gonna get laid tonight, that's for sure.

Hey, skinny in the window. Take 'em out.

To the right.

Mystery method? Does that work?

Contact frag!

It's pretty despicable stuff.

Doesn't go with my game.

Hey, Brandon, cover my six!

Oh, damn it!

Whatever.

Tell you what. All I know is

It works a hell of a lot better if they are drunk.

Take that, newb!

It's about time, Mr. Slow.

What happened, man?

I was just...

I just...

Traffic.

Yes!

You already opened it?

What's in the box?

New camera gear.

Cameras? That'll be good later on tonight

When I land a freshman spinner on my dick.

No, you'll just break it.

Why didn't you just get it sent here?

Because of him.

Brent the douchebag next door would've taken it.

Okay nerds, enough tech talk.

Let's go get our sex on?

A philosophy major, eh?

What are you going to do with that?

Contemplate for hours

About what a shitty idea it was

To become a philosophy major? Yeah?

He just broke up with you?

I'm so sorry to hear that.

I know. And he's so mean.

You're so sweet to listen to me.

Oh, thanks.

Randy?

Erica? I'm so glad I found you!

I'm so sorry I was such a jerk earlier.

Can you forgive me?

Oh, randy.

For, like, seven days. It was so gross.

So anyway I was, like, in the middle of the jungle,

Like, in Thailand,

And I was, like, riding an elephant.

I was just, like, so totally, like,

Scared and nervous, but, like, at the same time

I was, like, so in awe of the natural beauty

And I just couldn't believe

It was, like, actually happening, you know?

Hello?

Hello?

Okay. I'm gonna go.

No luck, buddy?

Yeah, that kind of night, I guess.

Well, I'm going to get a beer.

Nice chatting.

God, why is it at all these parties,

Everyone just drinks all the crappy domestic beer?

How's this?

That's a good start.

A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees.

Well, okay, there, Mr. Blake.

I'm impressed.

With your choice in microbrews, that is.

I'm Brandon.

Alex.

So, Alex, you're not from around here, are you?

Really?

I'm sorry. That was lame.

No, Brandon, I'm not from around here.

I'm from across campus.

That's a neat pattern. Look at that.

Oh, thanks. I made it myself.

Really? That's awesome.

Hey!

Nothing but this gay microbrew crap!

Where's my bud?

Bud!

Must be tough to live life as a clichй.

God.

Yeah.

You might want to...

come on! That is such a weak move.

You can do better than that.

You know, you might...

So, Brandon,

How did you become such a connoisseur

Of beer and generic pick-Up lines?

Yeah, yeah.

I watch a lot of tits... Titles.

Movies, yeah.

More books than anything.

A lot of stuff in 'em. It helps.

It helps me.

Oh, cool.

So... do you go to school here?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you nailed it. I'm here.

Yeah, I'm an econ major.

Economics. Same thing.

You know, small word.

It's loud in here.

Yeah.

I was thinking that, too.

'Cause I can't... Did you say some...

I hear you, but I don't know...

are you okay?

Yeah. I've got a credit card in my name. Of course.

What?

I said, are you okay?

Hey, Brando. How's it going?

Hey, your tit's hanging out.

Is that what you were looking at?

You dog, you. Come on, high five.

No, I wasn't...