Untitled Home Invasion Romance

Suzie.

I knew from the very first night I met you,

somehow only three months ago...

...that the two of us

would be standing up here today.

Kevin, if someone told me I was gonna marry

the guy who wore sweatpants to our first real date...

...I'd have told them to get their head checked.

It's been a whirlwind,

and yet I feel like I've known you my whole life.

Every day I learn something new about you,

and every day I fall in love with you all over again.

I love the way you tease me,

I love your little smirk

that tells me you're up to something.

I love the way you make me laugh.

How you truly get me.

I promise to always be your greatest ally,

your protector,

your knight in shining armor.

My goofball,

my utterly shameless karaoke partner.

I promise to love you...

To support and respect you.

In the happy times, and the not so happy ones.

To be faithful, patient,

and yes, forgiving.

And to always, always fight for us.

Stay away from my wife.

You don't know what I'm capable of.

Kevin!

Shit! Just a minute!

Did you not get my text? I'm double-parked.

Oh, sorry, just two seconds.

All right, I'll wait downstairs.

Oh, hey, uh, do you mind if I drive?

Kevin, I'm stressed as it is.

You don't want to spoil the surprise, do you?

Thanks for agreeing to spend the weekend with me.

Of course.

You know, I've really been working on myself.

Oh yeah? Yeah. Yeah.

I made a lot of... a lot of changes, good ones.

That's great, Kev.

You know I never asked you to change, right?

After you left, you know, I took a long,

hard look at myself, and, uh... don't know,

I think you're gonna be in for a surprise this weekend.

You may not even recognize your own husband.

After two months?

Yeah, that would be quite the surprise, Kev.

Can you look at the road, please?

Sorry. Yeah.

Yeah, you know, I've really been using our break

to get healthier.

Hmm.

Yeah, I've been going out on a lot more auditions,

which is nice, exercising.

Kev, I appreciate what you're trying to do. I--

My point is, Suzie, that I think this break

has actually been really good for us.

And now that it's over, I think this getaway

is exactly what we need.

You know, like a second honeymoon.

Just you and me,

and a nice, romantic weekend.

Kevin!

Hey, uh, mind if I pull over up here?

Need to use the bathroom.

Hey, there's a line!

And there's a fellow in there already!

We'll just be two minutes.

Ernie?

Oh. Hey, bud. How's it going?

What the fuck? What's the emergency?

You tell me. I mean, you barged in here, so...

You said code yellow.

Oh, right, 'cause I had to stop to pee,

but it's way more of a code brown.

Code yellow means emergency.

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't guest star

on Grey's Anatomy, Dr. Tyler.

Oh, that doesn't work.

God, it reeks in here.

No need to be rude, but okay.

Hey, while I have you, I would love to run some dialogue tweaks by you.

The script is fine the way it is.

Kevin, how long have we been in acting class together, bro?

You know I have an ear for that type of stuff.

Brother, if this scene is not 100% authentic,

she's gonna see right through you.

You're not listening to me, are you?

Fucking miss her, man.

This plan has to work.

I need to show her that I can step up, you know?

I know, and that's why we gotta get this right, right?

I know. We do this right,

she's gonna be so impressed. Oh, yeah,

so impressed she'll run straight into your arms

and then boom, brother! Boom.

You're a motherfucking hero! What's up? Come on!

All right, see you tonight.

Ten o'clock, do not be late.

We're gonna save your fucking marriage, dude.

Almost there. Suzie!

Suzie! Hey! You awake?

Yep, I am now.

How far are we from the resort?

Who said anything about a resort?

Please don't tell me we're camping.

No. We are not.

Just want to see how long it takes you to guess.

No, you didn't.

I did.

It's all ours for the weekend.

Your dad said he hasn't used it in years.

You spoke to my dad?

Well, uh, his secretary.

He's in Bangkok. Or Boise. Something.

Uh, but Jenny said that you guys used to come here every summer.

Kevin, you... Wha--

Why didn't you ask me?

Because I was being romantic. What's the matter, honey?

I thought this would make you happy.

Yeah, it's... it's fine.

I'll take it.

Shit.

The pink champagne you ordered, madam.

Thanks.

You look very familiar.

You remind me of a dear girl I met once

at an Irish pub on West 14th Street,

what was it, uh, two years ago.

A couple of Wall Street knuckleheads were hassling her.

So what did I do?

Hmm. Your accent changed.

No, it-- Yes, it did.

It did? Oh, yeah.

- Deal with it. - So what did I do?

Marched right over there,

and I rescued her from those goons

like a proper white knight.

And then I did what I do best.

I made her laugh.

At one point, she looked me straight in the eye.

She said, "Do you want to get out of here?"

To which I responded, "And go where?"

How about Aruba?

"How about Aruba?"

You weren't messing around.

You got us two round-trip tickets before I could buy you

a second drink, and I knew right then and there

that I would do anything to make you happy.

Honey, I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about the house.

Honestly, I thought it would bring back good memories.

Let me make it up to you.

I'm going to cook us a Michelin-star dinner.

Kev, just hang on.

I see how hard you're trying.

I do.

This isn't our second honeymoon.

This is our first night after the separation.

Break.

I think we just need to ease into it.

I have to figure out if this is something

that still works for me.

Yep. Of course.

So what do you want to do?

What do you want to do?

Yahtzee?

Let's-Let's just get out of this house, okay?

Let's go to a bar.

Wait, really?

Yeah, let's see if we could just have a good time together.

Well, I-I am having a-a good time here.

You want another round?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Jesus Christ.

Excuse me, what's your Wi-Fi?

No effin' way.

Suzie Stone?

Heather. Oh my God, am I dreaming?

'Cause I... I really never thought that I'd see you again.

Oh my God, come here. How long has it been?

I mean, let's not do the math, okay?

How on earth do you look so friggin' young?

We're supposed to be the same age, aren't we?

Heather, you look incredible.

Pfft. I don't. I don't.

Oh, this is my coworker Murphy.

This is my husband. Mr. Softie, right?

He's in the commercials.

You are Mr. Softie, aren't you?

I mean, that's one of the roles I've played, but Kevin is fine.

Nice. Mr. Softie.

Kevin. Uh, how--

Sorry, how do you two know each other?

We...

Well, Heather,

come on.