A Boy and His Dog

World War Ill, hot and cold, lasted from...

Hold.

Female.

Rover pack has her, 125 yards.

Solo, waiting to move in, 75 yards.

No!

Keep away from me!

Help!

Maniacs! Stop it!

Help! No!

No!

- Say it again! ' No!

Say that again, you bitch!

Hey, did you see her jerk when I cut her?

Hold, one more.

You're still constantly overreacting.

I've absolutely no idea how I've managed to keep you alive so long.

I wouldn't bother going down in there, unless your taste has changed radically.

They left an ugly mess.

- I said they left a mess! - I heard you.

Oh, pearls before swine.

All my directives go completely unregarded.

Sometimes you’re just as ignorant as any other common rover.

One indication of a female alone and it's caution to the wind,

the eyes glaze, the glands swell, and the brain freezes.

I can't see a thing in there. Smell it!

I thought you were doing all the scouting today, Vic.

Damn it Blood, don't give me a hard time, smell it!

It's clean.

Ain't that a shame.

Hell, they didn't have to cut her.

She could have been used three or more times.

Ah, war is hell.

All right. Run it again.

You're so funny when you're sexually frustrated.

I'm funny enough to kick you upside the butt!

I said find, and I ain't kidding.

One does not say ain't, Albert. Simply say I'm not kidding.

Fine, dog meat. And stop calling me Albert.

Ah, and you would stone a poor defenseless animal, wouldn't you?

Yes, I can tell that would. I can tell by your short breath

and your disgusting aggressive behavior that you would.

And that's because you're not a nice person, Albert.

You're not a nice person at all.

Do I gawk at you when you're working?

I'll locate a female if there is one.

You go look for food.

I detect no living female person within my range, sir.

I have sniffed and I have cast and I have a negative reading.

However I'd be delighted to tell you a suggestive story,

if you think that would help.

Pass, fuzzy-butt.

A cautious young fella named Lodge

had seat belts installed in his Dodge.

When his date was strapped in,

he committed a sin without even leaving the garage.

That's clever, isn't it?

Let's see, from March 1953 to June...

Albert, you have all the cranial capacity of a canary.

Now, I'm going to recount these events

of historical significance once again.

Now, please, please try to assimilate them this time.

World War Ill, hot and cold,

lasted from June 1950 to March 1983,

when the Vatican armistice was signed between the Eastern and Western blocs,

a total of 33 years.

Is this too fast for you?

- No, I'm right with you. - Oh, good.

Now World War IV lasted five days,

just long enough for the final missiles to leave their silos on both sides.

What's left here where once were homes and families with warm hearths...

Come on, teats! Would you get off my back, you mad dog?

Now only desolation,

civilization lies smothered and decaying under an ocean of mud,

belonging to anyone who's strong enough

to dig and fight and take it for his own.

God, that's dramatic, I like that.

So, spread about us, the city of Phoenix, Arizona,

where in 2006, 18-odd years ago, you managed

to come into the world and we became associates.

Now, let's hear that back.

Now let's run through the modern presidents.

What good's all this history crap gonna do me?

Just do the Presidents.

Oh, God.

- Eisenhower, Truman... - Truman, Eisenhower.

Truman, Eisenhower...

Kennedy... Johnson...

Nixon... Ford...

Kennedy... Kennedy... Kennedy...

Your continued narrow-minded refusal to believe in Over The Hill

is possibly costing us a better life, you know.

Over The Hill, my ass.

Well, when do we start looking for it again?

- Soon as I get my heart started. - I mean let's stop the crap.

I know what you mean: Over the Hill, where the deer and the antelope play

and it's warm and clean and we can relax and have fun.

Man, they grow food right out of the ground.

- How do like that pipe dream? - It's called farming.

Oh, I believe you.

And they also have a great crop of clothes and guns and gorgeous chicks.

You're gonna tell me how you saw

the whole wonderful thing with your baby blues.

Never said I saw it, I said I heard about it.

And from who?

From whom, and you know from whom.

And whom the hell's gonna believe a police dog?

I'm sorry, Blood.

I believe you about Over the Hill. Hell, I believe anything you tell me.

And even if we don't know for sure, it's worth checking on, right?

- Right?] - Whatever you say.

And we will go,just like I promised.

Right now I'm hungry and I wanna get laid.

So find me a broad, and we'll go to the promised land.

That's what you always say.

I know, I know, but I mean it this time.

Find me a chick and we'll go.

I'm hungry.

So am I!

I tell you what. You go find a chick, and I'll hustle us up some food.

I'm hungry.

You already said that, god damn it, and I just said...

I can't do good work when I'm hungry.

You ain't pulling that crap on me again!

And you can shove that part about how you lost the ability

to hunt for food when you learned how to talk!

Oh, hell, all you're good for is finding hard, stringy scumbags

that are just liable to cut off my goddamn...

No food, no females.

Okay, you just sit there on your fluffy butt

while I do all the goddamn work!

But I'll tell you one goddamn thing, you better do some practicing.

It's been six weeks since I been laid,

and it sure as hell ain't been that long since you ate.

By God, it damn well may be if you don't start producing.

Here, right! Here, right!

Heave! Heave away!

Pull! Pull!

Hey, there, pull on that line! Pull on it, there!

Get out there! Dig!

Dig, you suckers! Get that dirt outta there.

Must be something special. They got the whole bunch.

You get up and get in that hole. Get up!

You get yourself up, or you ain't never gonna get up!

How'd Fellini know there’s be a house here?

'Cause he's smarter, that's how!

Wonder why they hang around him?

Hmm, probably just charisma.

Hey, there!

You dig.

Move your foot if you don't want any--!

Hey, watch were you throw that crap!

Dig!

Hey!

Play!

Play!

Play "Melancholy Baby"!

God, I wish he'd tune that.

Well?

I don't know. Checked out Cracker Jack to here.

Think he just might do.

Maybe.

- Get that out of there. - Look at that!

Keep your hands off of that. Now get away from there.

Look at all that food.

- I'll knock your stupid head in. - You and who else?

Just me!

Boy!

I need shoes! Anybody see some shoes?

Dig! Dig, you pigs! Get down in there and dig.

This place ought to be loaded. Get it out of there.

Might work.

We'll wait like we always do.

To hell with waiting.

Vic, come back here!

Get away from here!

Help! He's taking' our bag!

Help, help, help, help!

Get back down in here, you idiots, get back in here.

- Leave him go. - We got him, didn't we, Blood?

Oh, shut up and keep running!

At least he's got some guts. Now, dig in there!

Get out of there and guard that wagon.

- Now watch him take it out on us! - Run, boy!

Come back any time, though.

Dig, you suckers!

That's our boy. Put out the cheese.

What do you want to do tonight?

Oh, doesn't really matter to me.

Whatever you'd like to do, Albert... uh, Vic.

Well, now that we're loaded, I guess we could hit The Turf.

Yes, we could do that.

- Well, if you'd rather not. - Oh, no, no, no, that'd be fine.

We could probably even afford a little pop-- popcorn.

Mat's good for the rifle. Put it in the water there.

They're getting wet there, move them over. Goes to rust fast.

Move on along.

You money-grabbing toad, you move my stuff over!

Move his heat. We don't want no trouble tonight.

If it picks up one rust spot,