Curb Your Enthusiasm

Here's Amber, everybody, Amber, come on out.

Just, just move, just a little bit?

- I asked you to be ready when I got back. - Well, I'm...

Have you even moved since I left this morning?

Yes, of course, what are you talking about?

I got up, I got up to tip room service.

- Come on, that's funny. - No, it's not funny.

It might have been funny a week ago, but enough is enough.

Every time I walk in you're just sitting here

with your chips and your cookies and watching...

Maury.

You know, listen, we have got to meet that woman in a few minutes.

So, you need to get dressed so we can go look at that house.

Let me just finish.

- No, you need to get dressed now. - No, because they're gonna go to boot camp

and I want to see which ones get rehabilitated.

- Get up and get dressed. - They break them down and they cry.

And then when they're done with the boot camp, they're all better.

Have you just retired and this is what you're gonna do for the rest of your life?

- You're never going to work again? - Of course I'm gonna work again!

- When? - I don't know!

You're in the prime of your life! Are you just gonna...

I'm gonna work when something comes up that I want to do.

I would really like for you to get dressed so we can go look at this house.

- Fine. - Fine, thank you.

Alright, here's Britney, Britney, come on out.

Look at that girl come out, look.

You don't know me, you don't know me! Yeah, you all go fuck yourself!

That's right, yeah, come on!

Come on, come one, yeah, fuck you, fuck you!

No, fuck you!

- It's big. - Boy, it's really big. I think it's a little too big.

Look at the size of this place, are you kidding me?

- It's perfect. - Perfect?

This is like for the Osmonds, this place.

I didn't know why had to sell the old place. Just 'cause of the wire?

- That wire was making me crazy. - That's not a reason to move.

That is a reason to move, when you can't get rid of it.

Oh, there's the real estate agent.

- ( Female ) Hi. - Hi.

I don't know why we had to leave the hotel. I love the hotel.

I cannot live there any longer, it's not a house.

You get the room service, the wake-up calls.

When do you use the wake-up calls? You never leave.

- Naps. - Oh, my God.

- Hello. - Hi.

- Hello, hello, isn't this beautiful? - Yes, we were just...

- It's awfully big. - It's very exciting, you're going to love it.

So, here's the scoop.

They are highly motivated sellers. I think this one's a slam dunk.

If you like it, we'll go back and write an offer.

And I asked them about the cash. They were totally open to a cash offer.

So, that is the absolute best.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

So, you could maybe be in here in days.

Days, how's... what, days?

Oh, they bought another house. So, they are so ready to move.

- Hello, hi, Susan. - Hi, how are you?

- Good, how are you? - Barbara Schneider, Cheryl and Larry David.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Hello, hi.

Oh, my gosh, is that the ocean?

Oh, yeah. You get used to that in two days.

Come on in.

- Oh, this is gorgeous. - Yeah, it's great, isn't it?

We have vaulted ceilings.

- Very spacious. - Beautiful.

What about this furniture, it's fantastic, isn't it?

- Yeah, it fits perfectly in this room. - Beautiful.

- Beautiful house. - Really beautiful.

Thank you, and this is our amazing view.

Breakfast every morning, sunrise.

Oh, I love the sea.

My father was a fisherman, an Italian fisherman.

- Really? - Yeah, from the old country.

You know, this morning, you're going to love this. I saw a whale breach.

I've never seen that here before, it's very rare.

- Can you shoot the whales from the terrace? - What?

'Cause I like to have blubber for breakfast.

- Don't pay attention to him. - No, pay attention.

- Okay. - Are these the new suckers?

Larry David, Jay Schneider.

I would call you when you were at "Seinfeld".

I was working at the William Morris agency.

I would call him up and pitch my clients.

How you doing? Jay Schneider.

- Hi, I'm Cheryl. - Nice to meet you.

You're not gonna believe this, I just signed Jason Alexander.

- You're kidding, really? - Two months ago, we're two months into it.

He's phenomenal, I'm a lucky guy.

- A tremendous actor. - Unbelievable.

- How's he doing? - Honestly, he's kind of struggling right now.

- Is that right? - Everybody wants George Costanza.

- You know what, he's nothing like George. - He's nothing at all like George.

He's the antithesis, 'cause Jason is brilliant,

and George is an idiot, just an imbecile and,

you know, it's just tough to branch out with that.

The range of characters this guy can do.

- You think he's an idiot, huh? - It's the classic barnacle.

But, you know, every sitcom needs that.

- What have you been up to? - Nothing.

Yeah, I bet. You got any ideas? Got anything coming down the pike?

I've got ideas, but I choose not to carry them out.

I say we team up you and Jason again. Let's get you guys in a meeting.

- You should call him. - You're not doing anything, let's take a meeting.

- You know, I just... - Yeah, you're not doing anything.

Let's sit down and just kick around, kick around some ideas.

- ( Cheryl ) I think it's a good idea. - Don't want to push.

- Nice sweater. - Thank you, thank you, it's cashmere.

- Really? - It's not for sale.

That's cashmere?

- 100%. - It's nice, yeah.

- Well, let's go see the rest of the place. - Yeah, yeah, let's see the rest of it.

I love it. I really, I think it's perfect. Larry, did you love it?

- I liked it. - You think it's perfect?

I really like it, it's a nice house. It's big, but I like it.

- Alright, that's all I needed. - And the master bedroom?

I love the master bedroom. I love the downstairs, I love the fireplace.

Let me ask you something,

Did you notice that when I asked him about the sweater

he said it was 100% cashmere?

There's no way that sweater's 100% cashmere.

It's, like, maybe 35, 40, 50 at the most, but 100?

- That can't be... - The sooner the better, I'm ready to...

Wait a second, I mean, do you trust this guy...

'cause the guy's lying about a cashmere sweater.

You feel comfortable with that?

We're not buying a sweater, we're buying a house.

Okay, listen, we have to talk about how much to offer.

Absolutely...

What kind a person lies

about a percentage of cashmere in his sweater?

You know, uh, fake cashmere and all,

I do think it's a good idea for you to work with Jason.

I just, you know, I love Jason. I just don't want to go back and do TV now.

- Oh, come on, TV's a great medium. - Too much work.

- Too much work? You have to work. - It's a pain in the ass, I can't do it.

No, you need to work, you need to work.

I'm married, that's plenty of work.

Okay, but you need to start writing.

Just, you know, I think for your own good, for your own sanity.

Why, I'm not insane. You think I'm insane?

Listen, Richard Lewis wants me to manage him.

- Really? - Yeah.

- But I need you to be honest with me. - Oh, sure.

- No, really honest with me. - Okay.

Is he a high maintenance guy?

- What, are you kidding? - So, his act is pretty close to...

Well, yeah, but so what?

I'm gonna sign him, that's cool, you like that. Oh, good.

I can't believe he didn't even mention that to me.

Hey, Tom.

- How are you, man? - Jeff, hi, good to see you.

- Good to see you, too. - Tom Clark, Larry David.

- How you doin'? - Larry David, nice to meet you.

Tom, sit down, man.

- Dealer, yeah. But I like to sell, too. - Do you?

- Somebody special comes in, a big wig... - He's a big wig?

- Yeah, he manages. - That's good, I'm managed by a big wig.

- What do you drive? - I drive a Prius.

- You're happy with the Prius, though. - Very happy.

And the Prius is extremely happy with me.

Let me ask you a question. How does somebody become a car salesman?

Do you have to have a lot of experience to do something like that?

It was in my blood, yeah. It takes years to be a car salesman.

You know, I always felt I could be a great salesman.

- Well, you gotta have the gift. - I could talk anybody into anything.

Except women into sex, that's the only thing I can't do.

But other than that, I know how to manipulate people, I'm very good at it.

- Car salesmen are not bullshit. - No, of course, they're not.

We're an honest pack, between ourselves especially.

To be honest with you, I like to make money. But I love to sell cars, I really do.

If I wanted to do that for one day...

- Sell cars. - Yeah, just for a day.

- Huh? - I don't think so.

I just want to see if I could do it. 'Cause I always thought that I'd be great at it.

But you can't do it, you're a writer.

- What do you do? - ( Jeff ) Do you know who he is?

- That's Larry David, he created "Seinfeld". - Oh.

Forget that, I just want to try it for a day.

I think that would be great. Come in and work for me.

Maybe I'll do it for two or three days.

What're you doing?! What are you talking about?

- What's that, two or three days? - Wait a second, what do you care?

- What do I care?! - What if I'm good at it?

- What if you're good at it? - You're not gonna sell a car the first day.

Let me tell you something, I guarantee you

I will sell more cars than anybody in your showroom, guarantee it.

You won't sell a car the first day. Nobody does it the first day.

- You'll see, okay, fine. - You know what, I'll tell you what.

Come by, get some brochures, you know where we are.

I'll get the brochures, I'll study up and I'll learn everything, don't worry about it.

- I'll have it down when I get there. - Uh, come by on Monday?

I really appreciate this, this is like a little fantasy that I have.

- This'll be great, Monday morning. - You got it.

Thank you.

I'm pretty excited.

Oh, my gosh, that's wonderful. No, no, that is no problem.

Oh, Larry just walked in, can't wait to tell him. Okay, bye.

You're not gonna believe this. We can move into the house on Monday.