The Mindy Project

This has been "Women's Health Minute with Dr. Mindy Lahiri."

Ladies, that's why it's so important

for to you use a multivitamin with calcium

to prevent osteoporosis in your bones.

Psst, psst, psst, psst.

What's that, Erica Everywoman? You don't have bones?

This has been "Women's Health Minute

with Dr. Mindy Lahiri."

Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.

Oh, yeah. We forgot our song.

That's Mindy. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Why would you do this?

Taxi TV was looking for short,

educational, entertaining little videos,

and I thought it would help blicize the practice.

It is you.

You are... You are Mindy minute.

Yes, sir. Yes, it's me.

I get recognized

anywhere between zero and three times a day.

Today's two.

All day I hear you. "Dr. Mindy. Bye-bye."

I want to drive into pole!

Okay, sir. Uh, thank you for your feedback.

It's just... You're dressed as a dog.

Well, rowlf from the muppets...

Is the idea that you're some kind of reverse veterinarian?

Danny, you have such a literal perspective.

I feel sorry for you.

Ah! That voice is sharp,

like scimitar,

but it also grates, like rusty scimitar!

Okay.

No more!

Sir.

I cannot hear my video, sir.

My phone was on 100 when I left my house,

and now it is on nine.

Danny, nine. Mm.

I don't even know how many apps I had open.

What floor? Four, please.

The midwives.

Same.

Uh, yeah. Four for me too, please.

Four. Okay, yeah,

I got it... Four is pressed.

Which one's your favorite? I like Duncan.

Is it even possible the Deslauriers

are as handsome as they are in their ads?

Ads?

Handsome?

A gentle fall of rain,

our earth's gargantuan ocean,

the endangered arctic ice shelf...

What do they have in common?

Timeless beauty? Oh, without question,

but they've also existed for eons

before the obstetrician.

And for eons, so existed have we.

We're the downtown women's holistic health center.

The midwives.

Our practice, plastic bottle-free since 2009,

offers a safe alternative to big doctor.

As a woman, I'm made up of billions of cells

and millions of feelings.

I trust all of them

with downtown women's holistic health center.

Thanks, Maria.

If you enjoyed the music in this ad,

please check out Duncan's page on iTunes.

I can't believe they got Maria Menounos to do their ad.

Guys, she is my hair idol.

Once one TV host falls to the midwives,

they all fall... Nancy O'Dell, Mary Hart.

Before you know it, they've got Billy Bush.

No, no, no, no. This isn't happening.

If we're gonna best these guys,

we need a media strategy... Come on.

Okay, okay, what about the ads on the diner placemats?

They shut that place down for human trafficking.

Ah. I know.

So sad. I love their pork chops.

You know what we should do?

Celebrity endorsements, you guys,

and guess what. I see Sigourney Weaver

at the gym all the time,

and I've actually spoken to her once or t...

You know what? She's never gonna go for this.

Okay, maybe you should leave the marketing strategy

to partners a little less cloaked in shame...

You know, the taxi video.

Mindy, you know, don't dwell on the past.

Just focus on trying to make the future less disastrous.

That's the beauty of my ageism lawsuit...

You had to rehire me.

Finally, a job where I don't have to "warsh" my hands.

You should still "warsh" them.

You know, back when you were a nurse here,

you never got this close without trying to give me a wedgie.

My wedgie days are in the past, God willing.

I'm not gonna let this job slip through my filthy hands.

Oh. Okay, well, this is your excel, firefox, quickbooks.

This is a calculator.

Sure, sure, right.

Now, your username will be "adminassist002,"

and your password can be whatever you want,

but it has to have four letters,

one in caps, three numbers, and two underscores,

not dashes.

Obviously.

Don't worry. I know all about computers...

Clicking, clacking, these guys.

Why don't you just set up your email?

Okay, Kelsey, well, like last time,

your discomfort is not from early labor.

It is from gas.

Oh, what a relief.

I was supposed to be a ring-card girl

at a UFC match tonight.

Are you serious?

What do you think? I... okay.

You got me.

Oh, my... my... my blood test...

Yeah? I'm anemic, right?

No, you are not anemic.

Why does everyone always think they're anemic?

I think they all read the same article in self or something.

You are healthy. Your baby's healthy.

You just have to stop worrying.

Did my blood tests show all that ecstasy

I did last weekend?

What? Are you insane?

Relax, I am joking.

Obviously, I am not doing ecstasy.

It's not like it's 1994.

Kelsey, you pose a big challenge for me

as a physician, because on one hand,

you are incredibly sarcastic,

but on the other hand, you're, like, this major worrier.

Part of me feels like it maybe is coming from the same place,

but then... I don't know. It's not my field.

What is your field?

Oh, really cool taxi cab videos.

That was sarcasm.

How do you two deal with a patient

that you just straight up don't like?

I love all my patients.

What about that old lady who's racist against everybody?

Even to me. I'm not even a race.

She called me a toffee head.

Oh!

Speak of the devil,

and America's next top broadcaster appears.

- We've been looking for you. - Huh? Heh?

Mindy, I think they're talking to me.

Dr. Jeremy Reed. This is all so sudden.

No, we're here for her. Mm-hmm.

I'm Nick. This is Helen.

We produce the channel 8 news.

Guys, I watch that show all the time.

I'm a huge fan.

Oh, my God, yes. Your segment

on how to "zazz" up leftovers... That was emmy-worthy.

You know, they fought me on that segment.

It's disgusting.

I've never seen such overt sexism.

It's like, "let her do the damn piece on leftovers!"

All right, honey. We won, so it's all right.

Um, we saw your taxi TV spot.

Okay, that is enough, all right?

If you didn't like my segment,

you did not have to come to my place of work and tell me.

You could have just been like everybody else

and shouted it from a bus. You're bullies.

"Didn't like it"? Wha...

We have a proposal for you.

Let me get this straight.

You want me to host a segment on the 5:00 news?

Let's slow it down.

In our business, there's a measure called the "Q" rating.

It measures audience awareness of a celebrity.

Did I score a huge "Q" rating?

You know, I wanted to be a celebrity doctor

before I even wanted to be a doctor.

Yeah, no. Your "Q" rating was effectively zero.

Out of 100.

Sorry. Uh, Mindy, could you help me

update my photo for my I.D. Card with this one?

This is really something for the security office

at the hospital. I know. It's just...

It's better if you do it.

I'm just gonna leave those there...

What? For you.

I do not know what that was.

Anyways, your "Q" rating was a disaster,

but your "P" rating was off the charts.

"P" for popularity?

Pity. Sure.

You scored a "P" rating equal to that of the dog