BUNK'D

Stamps, postcards,

the last shreds of my self-respect.

I'll take two shreds.

Why are all you CITs selling stuff?

Gladys is making us.

Apparently varicose vein removal is not cheap.

I like her legs.

They remind me of a New York City subway map.

Candy here!

Get your delectable, sugary treats!

And speaking of delectable, notice how my rump is rocking these bike shorts.

Your geek is on fleek.

Campers! Big announcement, so stop what you're doing!

Ow!

Last night I was stood up for a date.

How can a pint of ice cream

and a George Clooney movie stand you up?

It was Serge, the candy delivery man.

Sheesh, you post bail for a guy,

and he doesn't even take you to dinner?

Been there, done that!

Since Serge is not returning my calls, texts,

or banging on his front door,

I have decided to punish him

by no longer ordering candy for the camp!

Whoa, whoa!

Why do we all have to suffer just because

you're hideous and no one wants to date you?

Let me rephrase that.

Too late, you're going in the hole!

Don't worry, it's more comfortable than the bunks.

And since candy reminds me of Serge,

it is now banned from camp!

So, enjoy what's left in Candy Boy's cart,

'cause that's the last of it.

Okay, people.

Uh, one at a time, please.

Oh, perhaps a single file.

Get him!

Stop!

You are pulling my taffy!

Will Xander ever ask me out?

Ugh, this stupid eight-ball isn't magic at all.

Hi, sister from another mister!

Hi, Lou.

Hey, Woodchucks never frown.

No, seriously, it's impossible.

Their massive incisors prevent mouth inversion.

I'm totes bummed about Xander.

It's been a week and he still hasn't asked me out.

I thought he liked me.

Aw, Emma, look, boys are like hotdogs.

Delicious,

but wondering about what's inside will make you puke.

You're right. I'm going to stop obsessing over him.

I don't care if I ever see Xander again.

Hey, Woodchucks!

Hey, Xander! (LAUGHS)

Uh, that kind of sounded like you care.

Emma, I wrote a song I want you to hear.

Great, let's do this!

Thanks, but I got it.

Oh, right.

A solo sitch. Hit it!

Emma, if you don't say yes, I will.

I'd love to go out with you, Xander.

Yay! You two go together like peanut butter and eggs.

What? It's delicious.

Are you done yet?

Yup.

I've been working on this for two solid weeks

and I am finally done.

I smell candy!

Oops, looks like you broke your horsey.

She's weird.

Anyhoo,

I'll give you fifty bucks

for the last bite of your candy bar.

Whoa!

You're willing to give me 50 bucks for a bite?

And any of my bodily organs.

That gives me an idea.

But please don't take my tonsils!

I need those to pee.

Or breathe.

I don't really pay attention in science.

My point is,

if you're willing to pay me 50 bucks for a bite,

do you have any idea what the campers would pay for a whole bar?

No. I don't pay attention in math, either.

Thank you for the ice, Miss Gladys.

I can endure these bruises,

but what those barbarians did to my taffy

will haunt me forever.

That'll be ten bucks.

These varicose veins are killin' me.

I'm really nervous about tonight with Emma.

Don't be.

I'm sure this time it won't be as messy

as it was with your last girlfriend.

Ugh, I hope not.

That was gruesome.

I'm glad Amanda is gone forever.

Me, too.

You did everyone a favor by getting rid of her.

Look, boss!

I sold two whole cases of candy.

Hey! You're a dollar short.

You trying to rip me off?

No, no! I swear!

Oh, look.

This dollar somehow got stuck in my pocket.

They moved the archery range.

You would think that would merit an announcement.

Hey, Tiff.

You know what would make you feel better?

Buying some candy.

You're selling candy out of our cabin?

But it's been banned.

Exactly!

That's why I can charge ten bucks

for a single chocolate chip.

Well, I am not going to get in trouble for your criminal enterprise.

I'm telling.

Gladys!

No, no, no, please don't tell!

Yeah, we'll give you all the free candy you want!

Whoa, slow your roll.

Maybe we can talk discount.

My mom's never even let me try candy.

Gladys!

Look at all the colors!

Everything is so much more alive!

We've got ourselves a new customer.

What's so important I had to pause George Clooney?

Oh! I just wanted to tell you that...

Serge lost a heck of a woman when he stood you up.

Oh, thank you. (GIGGLES)

I've always liked you,

whatever your name is.

Thanks for not ratting us out, Tiffany.

You're welcome.

And I can't wait to knock Emma off her feet with this.

Oh, man, she won't know what hit her!

Then, before Emma has the chance to catch her breath,

I'm going to whip out my trusty axe...

...and get to shredding.

OMG, Emma is going to die!

Oh!

We should really cut back that poison ivy. Yeah.

Poison ivy?

Campers,

I've heard a lot of you are upset

about your lack of candy.

Well, I'm upset about my lack of man candy.

So, none of us are gettin' any sugar.

That's life, deal with it.

Hey, looking to score?

I've got candy.

Hey, Zuri.

"Say hello to my little friend!"

He just paid me 20 bucks for a Scooter bar!

What's with the suit?

What part of "inconspicuous" don't you understand?