Year of the Rabbit

Tanner. If I was you I'd put that bag down!

It's every man for himself these days!

Holy fu...

This was meant for Rabbit.

You can't be police!

I'm as good as any bloke in there. I'm a fist with legs.

I have a little club for women.

I think you and I are going to become great friends.

There's gonna be an enquiry. Police brutality!

Guess who's in charge of the enquiry.

Run, Rabbit, run.

Whales' eyes!

Bloody big case of whales' eyes!

Lovely in bread, darlin'!

Someone went to work on you all right.

I got set upon by a bunch of good-time boys. Bastards had dusters.

We made our own weapons in my day. None of your shop-bought.

- So, what happened? - Well...

.. it all started last Thursday.

You know what?

I can't be arsed.

Why don't I heal like I used to?

You've got a few years on you now, Rabbit. Slow down a bit.

I'll slow down when crime slows down!

News!

We have a youth gang problem.

I know, I know, we nabbed the Blue Hand Mob and the Poplar Oysters and we thought "Job done!"

But that's the trouble with young people. They will keep on being born!

Here's the gangs we're going into...

The Stepney Boys.

Known by their distinctive yellow ties, their greeting of "Oy, oy, Malloy!"

and the look in their eye that says "I really like crime. I'm gonna do some."

The Flower Girls. Flower in the hair,

flower-based nicknames, and a flower sticking out yer arse after they've finished with you.

- Look out! - The rest is in the bumf.

Mabel, deploy bumf.

Nah, I don't need none of that. Just put me in the gangs, Guv,

and I'll do the rest!

- What you laughing at? - They're youth gangs, Grandad!

So?

So you're an old fucker!

- How's your eye? - Strauss,

- you'll join the Stepney Boys. - Jolly splendid.

Two words that'll get you killed, son.

- Rabbit, prep him. - Don't send a boy to do a man's job... of joining some boys.

And we'll need someone in the Flower Girls.

Dad! I was literally born for this!

Sergeant Keith Carnival.

- You can tuck it in, can't you? - I can, sir! It does tuck!

Then, grab a wig. You're our flower girl.

Excuse me, everyone!

Why get him to tuck it in when I've got a perfectly good pair of tits and a for-real quim?

Whoa! No!

Females can't be police, love,

because males already are. That's logic.

I've met people who say that in the future, there'll be no patriarchy!

Ha-ha! That's not even a word!

This is Ricardo. He'll get you both into the gangs

in exchange for not going to jail with a load of nasty perverts.

- Carry on. - Hold up!

Why didn't you pick me for that Stepney Boys gig? I've still got what it takes.

I'm 32.

32 stone!

Anyway, I've got something really juicy for you, Rabbit.

- Deaths at an old folks' home? - That's right.

Dying's what they're meant to do!

There's been more than usual. Ten dead in a month.

Juicy, you said! You're having a bubble bath! I ain't doing that!

You'll bloody do what I bloody say, when I say it,

- until I bloody say don't do what I bloody say! - All right!

Piss off!

'Hello there!'

Off up the apples and pears to Bedfordshire, innit?

Let's go up the apples and pears!

You need someone to kick the Cockney right up you so it don't come out!

And I know just the chap to do it!

Tanner...

Did you want something, Rabbit?

I was just going to say, it can't be easy after the old explosion

and everyone coming up to you saying, "Is there anything I can do?"

I'm fine, thank you very much.

- I'm just sitting here on my sweet - Harris

writing a vicious little report all about you.

Look here! Inspector Rabbit beat up --

I once saw a young chimney sweep shoot 100 feet up in the air

when his master threw a tin of wood polish in the fire.

The fucking state of him when he hit the ground.

A holiday compared to what I've got planned for you.

Good to catch up.

See ya!

No! No, no, no!

This is the emotional finale!

We have to fuck them in the heart!

Am I fucked in the heart?

No, I am not.

From the top, please, Wesley!

- Hello, Joe. - Agh!

Oh, I thought you were the theatre ghost. What are you after, Rabbit?

Strauss needs to play the part of an East-End hooligan by tomorrow, otherwise he's cat meat.

That one? With two-dozen silver spoons in his gob?

- It can't be done. - Oh.

Is what a lesser artiste would say!

Rabbit, leave him to me.

I'm going to break you.

And then I will remake you.

What do you mean, it won't tuck?

I don't know, sir. It tucked last week.

Sounds to me like someone needs to shit or get off the pot.

It's age. It happens to us all.

I was one of the best tuckers on the force.

And then one day...

Dad? Dad?

Dad! Dad!

Inspector Rabbit. I've come about the 'omocides.

I'm so glad they sent a more experienced officer.

I'm not old, if that's what you're implying.

- What happened to your eyebrow? - The dog chewed it off last Christmas Eve.

Sounds frightful. Anyway, come in!

A man your age shouldn't stand in a stiff breeze.

Jesus!

Here they all are, the residents.

Although I like to think of them as friends.

There's Jokey Jane. She's always making us laugh.

That's Baby, because she's only 72.

- She helps me. - Not lost 'em yet, boy!

There's the Gazelle,

the Masturbator.

If you tie his hands, he still finds a way.

And I think that woman next to him is called...

- .. Julie. - Julie...

Why don't you all say hello to Inspector Rabbit?

Can they see me?

They like you.

You fit in.

Mr Brown wore his crown

upside down around the town.

Piss poor.

No, no, no, no, no! Like this...

"A'riiiight?

"A'riiight?"

Brown bread.

Brown bread.

Bran?

Wider! You're a slum boy!

- Town. - Taaahn.

Towwwn.

Tahn. - Towwwn. - Tahn.

Tan!

Don't go easy on him!

There! But more bronchial.

That's it!

"Mr Brahn wore his crahn upside dahn around the tahn."

My dear boy,

I think you might be ready!

- Splendid! - Oy!

I mean fucking cushty!

I think you did really well.

Miss McKenrick, do any of your "friends"

leave you as sole beneficiary in their wills?

These are poor people, Inspector. They have nothing but the clothes on their backs.

What about the undertaker? Do you slip him the backhander?

I do not. He does it as an act of charity.

Are they into anything weird or kinky? Like devil worship

- or docking? - Docking?

What is this docking?

Docking's where one fella sticks his old chap...

.. into the... It doesn't matter!

What's down there?

Nothing. Nothing is down there.

- She comes in the night! - Aye, aye, aye! - The angel of death! - Angel of what?

But I'm ready for the scythe.

Look, Inspector,

I made it easy for her!

Very nice.

Better look for this angel, then, hadn't I?

- (That guy over there...) - Oy, oy, Malloy.

Oy, oy, Malloy.

Ricardo says you're good.

He says you've got in the bollocks.

I'm what you need, pal. I'll cut a fucker's nose as soon as look at him,

and then I scoff it just for shits!

That's the chutney.

All right, girls?

Let's have a wonk at your Aprils, lass.

I'm dead behind the eyes because I'm such a massive crim.

If you're gonna be a Flower Girl,

know this...

If I send you to get the crumble, you bring me all the crumble.

- Comprende? - Totally.

And by crumble, do you mean money?

I like you.

Let's hope, for the sake of your pretty pumpkin,

it stays that way.

So, what we shifting, shooters, 'orses?

No, no, no. Bodies.

Bodies?

- Bodies? - It's nasty work, body-snatching.

Rats eating faces while maggots eat the rats.

Have you got the guts to steal human guts?

When do I start?