Victoria & Abdul

Idiot!

Ah! Mr. Karim!

I wanted to speak to you about the carpets

we sent to the British Exhibition.

There is a problem, sir? No, no.

The carpets went down very well.

In fact, the Governor General

has received a letter from the Royal Household

thanking him personally.

It's all been such a success, he has decided

to present the Queen with a "Mohur" as part of the Jubilee.

A "Mohur," sir?

A Mohur.

Apparently, it's some sort of ceremonial coin.

I have been asked to find someone tall to present it.

You're the tallest person here.

When will she be arriving, sir?

Not in Agra...

In England!

You will travel to England

and present the Mohur at an official function.

Like an equerry.

On a horse?

I don't think there'll be a horse.

Equerry always has a horse, Mr. Tyler, sir.

Well, maybe not like an equerry, exactly.

Morning!

Ah! Morning!

This is Major Bigge...

Extra Groom-in-Waiting to the Royal Household, Windsor,

who will be in charge of your journey.

This is Abdul. Top hole!

And this is Mohammed,

who will also be presenting the Mohur.

He's very short.

We had to swap him at the last moment.

The tall chap had an accident with an elephant.

Good morning, Your Majesty.

At the head is the Lord Chamberlain,

then the Private Secretary, the Deputy Private Secretary,

the ladies-in-waiting, the upper servants, the lower-upper servants.

Then the members of the Household.

One, the Head of the Bedchamber.

Two, the Personal Head of Staff.

Three, the Butler in Chief, who is in charge of the Household Butler,

the kitchen factotum, the Head Chef, the head of waiting staff,

the ordinary waiting staff, Windsor, the table maids,

then you. Any questions?

Uh-huh. Who will have the Mohur, sir?

I'm not exactly sure as yet.

I suspect you'll both carry it on a cushion.

Do we both get a cushion?

I really don't know.

The key to good service is standing still and moving backwards.

The most important thing is you must not look at her.

Have you any idea how cold it is in England?

We're gonna die there.

Why did you agree to come?

The tall one fell off an elephant.

I wasn't given a choice.

Ugh! Five thousand miles to present a bloody medal

to the oppressor of the entire Indian subcontinent.

You don't realize what a great honor this is for us.

Have you ever tasted English food? They eat pigs' blood.

They do not eat pigs' blood. I'm telling you.

They put pigs' blood in the sausages and brains of sheep.

Ugh!

The place is completely barbaric.

Give me some money.

Please, sir.

Civilization!

Give us a farthing.

Give us a farthing, sir.

Arms.

Arms.

We copied them from some drawings in the British Museum.

Splendid!

You do know a sash is not traditional, sir?

The Indian drawings didn't look very... "Indian."

So we made some innovations.

The important thing is to look

authentic.

Looks jolly good to me.

Jubilee celebrations. 9:00, breakfast in London.

Quarter to 10:00, changing of the guard.

11:00, meeting with the Swedish Ambassador.

12:00, luncheon with Oscar II, King of Sweden and Norway,

the Norwegian Ambassador, the Chief Under-Secretary of State

for the Southern Norwegian Provinces,

the Junior Under-Secretary of State

for the Northern Norwegian Provinces.

2:00, ceremonial drive down the Mall.

Half past 2:00,

tea party at Hyde Park for 30,000 children.

Half past 4:00,

Household departs on the Royal train for Windsor.

Half past 6:00, dinner in the Great Hall.

Come on, men! Chop, chop!

And the ceremonial presentation

of a Mohur.

The Hindus, sir!

But they're completely different sizes.

There was an incident, sir, with an elephant.

Hmm.

The Queen arrives.

Fanfares.

Ceremonial entrance.

The Royal Entourage make their way to the table

to be seated thus.

Her Majesty.

Sir Henry Ponsonby, Private Secretary,

the Secretary of State for India,

the Emperor of Russia, Dr. Reid, Lady Churchill, Miss Phipps,

et cetera, et cetera.

Grace.

Soup, pot age Saint-Germain with purée de Madeleine.

Fish course, morue aux huîtres.

Fanfare.

Entrée, quenelle with regency sauce, et cetera, et cetera.

Dessert, pain d'épinards,

tartelettes à la suisse, profiteroles.

Always profiteroles.

You will come from the northwest service entrance.

Process together.

And you will stand here.

No!

A little bit. That's it.

Presenting the tray thus.

Tray?

I thought it was a cushion.

You will present the tray...

Excuse me.

Do I get a tray?

No. We've only got one tray.

So, what do I do?

You'll just have to improvise.

Whatever you do, you must not look at Her Majesty.

You will bow again. Then moving backwards,

you will turn to your left, you will lead thus,

and you will process down the hall

to be met by Mr. Bigge,

who will walk you to the north wall, where you will stand

till the end of the meal.

Would you like me to run through that again?

Mr. Yorke, she's heading to Paddington!

Everybody out!

You two, stairs, now!

Jesus Christ! Where are the quenelles?

Oi, you two,

out of it!

She's at the station, sir!

Jesus H Christ, she's at the station!

For God's sake, just wait where you were told.

Open the door.

Open the doors!

Open the doors!

Open the doors!

She's here.

Soup.

Soup!

Soup! Soup!

Soup!

Soup!

Thank heavens!

Soup, Your Majesty.

What, are you taking it all?

I haven't finished yet.

I'm afraid you have to be quick.

They take it off you as soon as she's done.

One down, six to go.

The morue aux huîtres, and then the quenelle.

Yes, sir.

"The morue aux huîtres, and then the quenelles."

This is bloody ridiculous.

Two months in a boat, and I haven't even got a tray?

Yes. Apparently you have to chew it 32 times.

I have the Mohur.

Is that it?

Your Majesty?

Your Majesty?

The, uh...

The profiteroles.

Is that it?

Profiteroles have gone.

Gentlemen, process, turn, bow, present,

and absolutely no eye contact whatsoever.

A gift from the Indian Empire.

A Mohur, Your Majesty.

A what?

A Mughal coin, Your Majesty.

In honor of your service to the subcontinent.

Have we finished?

We still have coffee, Your Majesty.

Eyes!

Good morning, Your Majesty.

Breakfast with the Royal Princes of Belgium.

11:00, an audience with the Sultan of Dubai

where Her Majesty will be presented with the Diamond of Ooojay.

Garden party where Her Majesty will receive

Oscar II, King of Sweden and Norway, again.