Us

Douglas.

Douglas.

Douglas, I need to say something.

Douglas, I've been thinking about leaving.

I think our marriage might be over.

- When you say "leaving"...? - Starting again.

- A new life, but not together. - So divorce?

That...that's not the most important thing at the moment.

Ah, so a trial separation?

Except not a trial.

I mean breaking up.

Don't say "breaking up". 16-year-olds break up.

What you're saying is, you'd rather be alone?

We're gonna be alone, Connie.

Yes, I know.

Well, tell me, tell me clearly.

I just feel that things between us might have run their course.

I don't agree.

Oh, well, if you don't agree...

We don't talk!

We talk.

About the boiler, about holidays and insurance - we don't have conversations.

So what do you want to tell me?

- It's not you. - Oh, don't say, "It's not you, it's me."

- It's not me either, it's us. - No, it's not "us",

because I don't want to leave!

I just feel...

Don't say, "I just feel, I just feel."

- Say what you want. - I want change.

Right. OK, well...

...what can I do?

What do you mean?

Well, this is obviously, erm, a catalyst thing,

what-d'you-call-it, a wake-up call.

So what can I change about myself?

- I don't want you to be someone else. - Because I'm quite capable of change.

You're great! I just don't think I can spend my whole life with you.

I'm sorry I'm not able to be more articulate.

No, no.

That bit was quite clear.

All those years as a parent, being called Mum

until it's like my name, and then suddenly it stops.

I... I think of how empty it's going to be, every evening,

for the rest of our lives, just the two of us rattling around.

Doesn't that frighten you?

No! We wouldn't rattle, we'd do things, we'd work, we'd travel...

And then we'd come home.

I have this word in my head - "box sets".

Every time I hear it, I can feel my heart racing.

I don't know what it is yet...

- ...but I need to find something else. - Great.

Then...let's find it together.

- Have you only stayed because of Albie? - No!

We've been through a lot.

I think we've been happy.

But now...

...don't you ever think our work is done?

It was never work to me.

Well, it was for me...

...sometimes.

D'you think we could get a little sleep now?

I do feel quite relaxed.

Let's try.

Hmm.

Why do you always do this?

It's very hard to get a slot.

On a Sunday too.

If I'd known you were leaving me, I'd have pushed it to nine.

Do you want to accept the substitutes?

I don't know, Connie, do you want to accept the substitutes?

I'm sure the substitutes are fine.

- Is there someone else? - No! I told you...

Oh, you check the eggs?

- No, I'm sure the eggs are fine... - I'll check the eggs.

Yes, the eggs are fine.

So, er, who wants to do the honours?

Thanks.

Brilliant. Erm, have... Have a great weekend.

Of course, we're gonna have to cancel the holiday.

- You think so? - Well, we don't want it to be

the trip of a lifetime for all the wrong reasons, do we?

No. I can see that...

Three whole weeks is a long time to fix a smile, don't you think?

- I like mine darker. - I know that.

And of course we're gonna lose all the deposits,

which is hundreds of pounds. Thousands, actually.

- The train tickets, the hotel rooms... - Isn't it all insured?

- Not against despair, no! - Sh! Albie can hear you...

- Clearly, I should have thought of that. - I never said...

If my wife feels suffocated all of a sudden, are we covered?!

Well, if you're so concerned about the money...

Oh, Connie, do you really believe the money is my main concern here?

Afternoon!

Please don't bring food in here, it's like a petri dish.

And open the window.

Ah!

Birds have been smoking on the windowsill again, I see.

Swallows rolling their own little cigarettes.

You can't hear anything I say, can you?

Little bit of news.

Mum's leaving me.

I'm going to the dump.

Got anything for the dump?

No?

OK, fine, you stay there...

...all day.

What's up with him?

Nothing. Just fancied going to the dump - his fortress of solitude.

Come on. Come on.

That's better.

Better email those hotels,

- see what I can salvage... - Douglas, let's go for a walk.

Come on, come on.

Should one of us... move out or check into a hotel?

That's what you're meant to do, isn't it?

Do you want me to?

Well, I don't think that's necessary.

Not while Albie's at home.

- Can you stand it until the autumn? - I think so.

Look here's the thing, though. Bear with me.

I think we should still go.

- On holiday? - For Albie's sake.

We're going on holiday

- for the sake of the kid? - Why not?

You've done all that planning,

and it'd be good for you and Albie to spend some time together,

be a nice memory, before he goes to college.

And maybe if he flunks his art exam,

we could have another year of marriage.

But then maybe you can't flunk art. What is there to get wrong?

You see, this is exactly why you and I...

And when we come back, you don't even have to unpack.

You and Albie can just chuck your suitcases into the taxi.

Let's have this one last summer... as a family.

No. I'm sorry. I don't think I can.

Douglas, you're late.

I came straight from the lab!

It looks like it. Cords and checks. What is this shirt? Is it graph paper?

You look like something out of Millets' catalogue.

- You're gonna have to go home and change. - If I go home, I won't come back.

Fine! Oh, who knits a tie?

Honestly, Douglas, I love you but you're a liability.

Come here.

- Connie Moore. - What?

- Connie Moore. Connie. - Who's Connie?

That's who you're sitting next to.

She's newly single, she's smart, she's funny, she's intelligent...

You promised you wouldn't do this again.

And the best thing is, she's not a snob about how people look.

- No, no, I'm off. - OK, too late!

Everyone... Everyone! This is my brother Douglas.

Hey!

Be nice to him, he's very shy.

- I'm not shy! - Connie!

No. Can you just make room?

- Hello. - Hello!

- So, you're a, er, scientist? - Er, yeah, that's right.

- An evil scientist or mad scientist? - I alternate.

- Oh. - (WHISPERS) I can't really talk about it.

Oh, is it a military-industrial thing.

Too dull. My sister's torn up my list.

- List? - Conversational gambits.

An actual written-down list?

In my head - where do you live, how do you know Karen,

what do you do for a living?

- Let's skip that part. - Well, now you have to tell me.

Well, it's not a living but I trained as an artist.

I still do it, I just always feel stupid saying it.

Oh, is that watercolours or oils or...

Watercolours? It's a bit more complicated than that, mate.

- Jake's a kind of artist too. - Yeah.

- Trapeze artist, yeah. - In a circus?

How do you join a circus?

Is it...is it just a question of running away to it or...?

Well, I mean, do you... do you want the long version or the..

Short version.

Yeah.

- (LAUGHTER) The scientific name is

Drosophila melanogaster, aka the common fruit fly.

Oh.

Flies.

Want to move seats?

No. Keep going.

OK, er, well, we're investigating mutagens.

So we're using chemical agents to induce genetic mutation...

Why would you mutate a fruit fly? That's not natural.

Well, there's nothing inherently unnatural about mutation.

- It's just another word for evolution... - It's...it's like fungicides, pesticides.

You know, it's...it's wicked.

I don't think a chemical compound can be wicked in itself.

It can be used irresponsibly or foolishly.

We've all lost touch with, you know, our...our roots.

Nobody knows what a carrot tastes like any more.

- Erm, sorry, I've lost track... - Everything's chemical.

Everything is a chemical.

- Mm. - Carrots are chemicals.

- Hmm. - Karen's pasta bake

- is a chemical... - Er...

- You're chemical. - Oh, I'm not.

- You're 65% oxygen, 18% carbon... - Don't try and limit me...