French Without Tears

Morning, Babe. (SNIFFS)

"She has ideas above her station."

-What's that? -How would you say that in French?

-What? -" She has ideas above her station."

She has ideas above her station? She has ideas...

-Marianne? -Oui, monsieur.

I'm getting pretty hot at this stuff, don't you think?

You know, nowadays, it's quite an effort for me to go back to English.

Well, if you're so hot, you'd better tell me how to say

"She has ideas above her station."

Oh, yes, I forgot.

Well, it's fairly easy, old boy.

You can't do it like that.

You can't say... (SPEAKING FRENCH)

It isn't that sort of station.

-Don't ask me. -I thought you were so hot at French.

Well, as a matter of fact, that isn't strictly the truth.

Now, if a Frenchman asked me where the pen of his aunt was,

chances are I could give him a pretty snappy comeback,

tell him it was in the pocket of gardener.

Yes, doesn't help me much, though, does it?

Sorry, old boy.

Well, I suppose I'd better just do it literally.

Maingot'll throw a fit.

That doesn't worry you, does it?

Well, you're not going out into the Diplomatic.

He doesn't really get worked up about you.

I don't know about that.

The whole of his beard came off yesterday when I was having my lesson.

No, but he doesn't really mind.

You know, its absolute physical agony to him when I do something wrong.

He knows as well as I do I haven't got one chance in a thousand of getting in.

Don't say that, old boy. You're breaking my heart.

Yes, but it's true.

Well, as a matter of fact, Alan told me that you had a pretty good chance.

Did he really?

And he ought to know, oughtn't he?

Isn't he Maingot's red-hot tip for the Diplomatic Stakes?

If he was keener about getting in, he'd walk it.

Well, he will anyway, I should think.

I think I'll make a book on the result this year.

I'll lay evens on Alan.

A class colt with a nice free action. Will win if he can get the distance.

What about me?

I'll lay you threes about yourself.

Threes? Ha. More like twenties.

Oh, I don't know. Nice looking colt. Good stayer.

Bit of a dog from the starting gate, perhaps.

Well, say seven to two, then.

Ah, morning, Alan. We were just talking about you.

Morning, Brian. Morning, Babe.

Not one blood-stained letter.

What were you saying about me?

I'm making a book on the Diplomatic Stakes.

I'm laying evens about you.

Well, that's not very generous.

Hell, you're the favourite!

What about the startling rumour the favourite may be scratched?

Why, have they accepted your novel?

Do I look as if they've accepted my novel?

Don't know how you do look when they accept your novels.

Well, I hope, my dear Brian,

that one day you'll have the chance of finding out.

But what's all this about your scratching, then?

Probably just to give you a better chance, ducky.

You're not serious about it, though, old boy?

-Probably not. -Alan, you must be mad.

Well, even if you do want to write you could still do it in the Diplomatic.

Honestly, it seems quite crazy...

You're giving a tolerably good imitation of my father. Pass the sugar.

What does His Excellency have to say about the matter, by the way?

Sugar, half-wit.

Oh.

His Excellency says he doesn't mind my choosing my own career one bit,

providing always it's the one that he's chosen for me.

Broad-minded, eh?

That's right. Always sees two sides to every question,

his own, which is the right one

and everybody else's , which is the wrong one.

But seriously, Alan, you can't really...

Stop it, child, for God's sake, I didn't say I was going to scratch.

Well, you said you were thinking about it.

Well, you know I'm always thinking about it.

I very rarely think about anything else.

But I won't do it, so don't worry your dear little head about it.

Ah, mes oeufs, as I live.

Ah, well...

-She's talking to you, old boy. -(CHUCKLING)

Bien, monsieur.

-Bien. -Bien, monsieur.

What did she want?

Wanted to know if the Commander took eggs with his breakfast.

Oh, I meant to ask you.

Did you see him when he arrived last night?

Yes. I went to the station with Maingot to meet him.

-What's he like? -Very naval commander.

Oh, yes, old boy, but what's that?

Well, you know, carries with him the salty tang of the sea wherever he goes.

Pity he's carried it here.

Paucot-sur-Mer could do without any more salty tang

than it's got at the moment.

Has he a rolling gait?

Well, he was sober when he arrived.

No, no, no, old boy. Drunk or sober, all sailors have a rolling gait.

Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour.

-Seriously, though, what's he like? -Pretty hellish, I thought.

-Po-faced, I suppose? -Mmm-hmm.

Qu'est-ce que c'est que ça, " po-faced" ?

Est-ce que vous connaissez... un Lord Heybrook?

-Non, monsieur. -Ah?

-Do you know him? -Lord Heybrook? No, old boy.

As matter of fact, I did know a peer once.

But he died. What about this Lord Heybrook, anyway?

-Coming here on the 15th. -Français, monsieur!

-Soûl? -Drunk.

Oh. Non, monsieur.

Bonjour, Monsieur le Commandant.

Monsieur Curtis. Monsieur Commander Rogers.

Monsieur Lake. Monsieur Commander Rogers.

-Monsieur Howard vous connaissez déjà. -Bonjour.

-Yes, we met last night. -Hmm.

Shall I sit here?

That's Kit Neilan's place, as a matter of fact. I think this is your place.

Thanks.

I've been told to ask you if you'd like eggs with your breakfast...

Oui, monsieur! Mais voulez-vous parler français, s'il vous plaît!

I'm afraid I don't speak your lingo at all, you know.

Lingo? (CONTINUES SPEAKING FRENCH)

You must try.

Oui. No.

-What? -Pardon?

Oui. Je ne...

-...want any eggs. -Right. I'll tell Marianne.

Did you have a good crossing, sir?

Pretty bad, as a matter of fact. Still, that didn't worry me.

You're a good sailor? -(CHUCKLING)

Of course, you would be. I mean you are, aren't you?

Hah! Damn silly, old boy.

Oh. Moi, monsieur.

Poor Babe. He's going to be slaughtered.

Really? Why?

Well, what does that mean?

Well, it doesn't mean, "She has ideas above her station."

The professor's pretty strict, I suppose.

-Where work is concerned, he's a sadist. -I'm glad to hear it.

I want to learn as much French as I can and I'm starting from scratch, you know.

Are you learning it for any special reason, then?

Yes, Interpretership exam, seven months' time.

If you stay here for seven months you'll either be dead or a Frenchman.

How long have you been here?

On and off for about a year.

But then I have a way of preserving my nationality.

I wear a special charm.

Are you very pro-German, then?

Oh, he only wears that coat to annoy Maingot.

I see. What do you wear in Germany?

A beret, usually. Sabots are too uncomfortable.

Poor Babe. But he had it coming to him.

The Babe was having the horrors this morning before you came down.

He said he hadn't got one chance in a thousand of getting in.

-He hasn't . -Of getting in what?

The Diplomatic.

Oh, you're all budding diplomats, I suppose.

All except me.

I'm learning French for, uh, commercial reasons.

He knows a lot already. He can say " How much?" in French.

And you know how valuable that phrase is in the world of, uh, commerce.

And that's not all, old boy.

I can say, " 50 francs? Do you think I'm made of money?"

-Po-faced. -Yes.

Who else is staying here at the moment?

Well, there's only Kit Neilan, I think, you haven't met.

-Is he going into the Diplomatic, too? -Yes.

By the way, Brian, what odds did you lay against Kit in your book?

I didn't . But I should think

five to two against would about make the case.

Oh, I don't know.

Odds must have lengthened considerably these last few weeks.

Why? Oh, you mean Diana?

I say, old boy, I hadn't thought of that.

You don't suppose there's a chance of a well-fancied colt being withdrawn

before the big contest?

Oh, no, she won't marry him.

That is, not until she's exhausted other possibilities.

Um, who is this girl?

Diana? She's Babe's , er, Kenneth Lake's sister.

She's staying here.

Is she learning French, too?

No, she just stops us from learning it.

No, she's staying here because her people live in India

and she has nowhere else to go.

It must be rather dull for her here.