Muscle

"Mister You're A Better Man Than I" by Manfred Mann

Hello, can I speak to Sandra please?

Speaking.

Hello there, Sandra, this is Simon.

I'm the Promotional Manager at Studio 55.

I understand you spoke to one of my colleagues recently

about a competition we're running.

OK, yeah.

Yeah, Sandra, do you work?

Yeah. Yeah, why?

That's fine, actually, do you know what, Sandra?

I'm gonna give you these tickets.

You've just won a free VIP day out with us.

- Doing what? - You are going to meet

one of the best professional hairstylists in London.

You will also meet a make-up artist

and have a free makeover

and at the end of the day

you will have a fantastic photoshoot.

I really don't think that's for me, love.

No, you don't understand, Sandra.

It's free, you've won it.

Yeah, no, I'm not interested.

Come on, there's even free bubbly when you get here.

Oh, and you know, bring a few changes of outfit

obviously not your whole wardrobe!

Yeah, I suppose a day out down in London would be nice.

So can you tell me, is it a Visa, master

or debit card you'll be using today?

Sorry?

For the deposit. What kind of card will you be using?

Sorry, er, what deposit? You just said it was free.

Oh no, sorry, Sandra, you've got the wrong idea.

It's not any money at all.

All our... all our services are complimentary.

Yeah? - We just take a deposit

so you turn up... - OK.

But you get it straight back on the day.

Can you give me the long number across

the front of the card please? - Um, OK, right.

Just need to find my bag, hold on a second

just bear with me.

Yeah, got it.

Got it? Brilliant. - Yeah.

OK, so it's just that long number

across the front of the card, that'll be great

then we can process this.

It'll go through, you'll have a fabulous time.

Hold on a second. I think someone's at the door, y'know.

Oh, right, well, I tell you what...

Sorry, Simon, I have got to go. - I really don't...

Think it's important actually.

Can I say something to you? Can I say something?

Before you go, just last thing, right?

Yeah. - You know sometimes

you want things in life? - Yeah.

And you just put them off, you put them off

you sit on the wall...

Right, I'm just saying, jump off the wall.

There goes the door again.

I'm sorry. - Jump off the wall.

Just take the plunge...

I've gotta go and answer the door, OK?

Life-changing experience for you.

I know, I know.

Put a date in now, if you decide later on

you want to rearrange it then that's no problem

you can just give me a ring back.

I'll call you back, alright, Simon?

Bye, bye. - Hello? Hello? Ah...

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Alright?

Yeah.

Good day?

No, really fucking awful.

Oh, well.

You fancy a top-up?

Oh, go on then. Twist my arm.

That is lovely.

How was your day then? Good?

OK.

I looked at jobs back in London again.

Oh, really?

I thought you were happy here.

It's not challenging anymore.

I'm not getting anywhere staying up here.

Yeah, well.

Let's see how it goes, eh?

It's never a good time to talk, is it?

You're never interested in talking.

You're happy just to drift aimlessly.

Can we start again?

Fucking hell, Sarah, I've had a really crap day at work.

I've been in the door five minutes and you're on me!

I don't care. Get a different job.

You hate it there but you're happy to moan and groan

instead of changing it. You're pathetic.

Pathetic...

Yeah, that's right, say your bit

and then disappear for the night.

Fancy Chinese? I'll order.

Some duck and pancakes?

Lovey bottle of cold wine.

Whatever.

Look, I'm really sorry about earlier.

I do care. I just get stressed, is all.

I just...

I need some support from you.

I feel like I'm on my own sometimes.

I get it. I understand.

I'll go and order.

Anything else you want?

OK. The five steps.

Number one, fear of loss.

Fear of loss is greater than the need for gain.

Number two, sense of urgency.

You must create an urgency to buy today.

People will buy on impulse...

only if you get them excited about what you're fucking doing.

He can't get 'em excited, can he?

Shush.

Number three...

Jones effect, keeping up with.

Number four...

indifference.

Never appear desperate for a sale.

If you do, they become sceptical and will not buy.

Listen to me.

Listening.

Number five.

Greed.

They want more for less.

Make out to give it to them.

OK. That's your lot for today.

Remember, these seats and phones are loaned

to you on a daily basis.

Earn your seat every day.

Please. Own your seat.

Come on. - Come on!

OK, before you pick up the phones

I want to talk about today.

Today is a new day, right?

Yep. - Whatever problems you had

yesterday or the day before, for that matter, they've gone.

HE CLICKS FINGERS Finito.

Now, I know I speak for Alan here when I say

this really isn't rocket science.

Just focus on your leads, and dream big.

Reach those goals and you'll be living the dream, my friends.

Just don't forget, turn up with no make-up on.

Yeah, but your clothes. Lovely.

Right, thank you, Caroline, it's been a pleasure.

Take care. Bye-bye.

Get in there!

Jesus.

It's Action Man.

I'm thinking of joining the gym.

Oh, really?

Oh... I like your wobbly bits.

I'm serious. I'm gonna go first thing in the morning.

You do need to tone up a bit.

Won't take me long to get into shape.

I'll believe it when I see it.

Thanks for your support.

Anytime, cowboy.

Oh, no.

Hiya. I'd like to join the gym.

You had any kind of experience?

In what way?

Have you trained before?

Years ago.

Years ago.

When I was a kid.

Teenager.

Where?

Lime Boys Club.

Why don't you go back there?

It's in London.

This gym ain't for you, mate.

Get yourself a YMCA.

Take your Lycra pants with you.

I wanna train here.

Sign you up then.

Go on. Hold you up.

Easy.

Oi, oi, you don't fucking do it like that.

What's the matter with ya?

No one's done a pull-down like that since the '90s.

I'm sorry, no one showed me how to work it.

What's your game?

I said I'm sorry, I didn't know.

I ain't seen you in here before, have I?

Just joined.

Welcome. Terry.

Hi, I'm Simon.

So what's the goal then?

Well, I really just want to get fit.

Fit? Well, you can fuck fit.