No Offence

You're both through to the shortlist for sergeant.

~ Danny is going to walk it, we all know that! ~ It's you. ~ You?

Oh, my God.

That's two Down's girls drowned within six months.

What if this is a hat-trick?

You're chasing a girl who is evidently not Down's.

~ It's the same girl. ~ He puts them in the water.

~ Requesting urgent medical assistance. ~ Oh, my God.

There's room for you at my house. Do we leave here together?

How long's she going to be staying?

~ We'll find out. ~ Well, how long did you say?

Let's see.

See you later, Cathy.

I get home at 3:30. I'll show you around.

~ Bye, Nana. ~ Tschuss.

Tessa's the mother I never asked for.

~ I'm starving in here! ~ And my mum's the kid I never deserved. Come on.

Here. To rinse our hands before breakfast. This one's yours.

We've got cereal, there's scrambled egg, bacon.

~ Or have both. ~ I couldn't have both. ~ Have both. ~ Have what you want.

She wants both. Have both.

~ And-And the room's OK? Slept OK? ~ The room's massive.

I slept like a log, thank you.

Excuse me. What are you doing?

Maclaren's taken over the Cathy Calvert case.

~ We're not allowed near it anymore. ~ Is he for real? Why?

Why do you think?

Because you moved Cathy Calvert into your spare room,

contaminating any prosecution if they decide we've a tainted witness.

How can he? She wouldn't be alive if it weren't for us. I-I couldn't...

No, I didn't drag her out of the river just to put her in the system.

~ Two for me, two for you. ~ Towels? ~ So we don't have to use theirs. ~ Who's?

~ That spa your mum got me signed up to. ~ Now?

~ I-I've tonnes of work piling up. ~ I've two vouchers. This is work.

Are you determined to sabotage my career?

Cathy Calvert needed protecting.

~ There are agencies. ~ Yeah, right.

Answer me this - if you hadn't just lost your job to Joy Freers,

~ would you have taken that child under your wing? ~ Answer me this -

why, once you knew I'd walked away from Mervin Manley's accident...

You chased a man under a bus.

Who we know for a fact had stabbed at least two...

If we'd known it for a fact, then he'd be in jail now not tapioca!

~ Nobody else knows about that. ~ Correct. Thanks to me.

Are we sure they don't speak English?

Joy deserves her position.

~ She still calls it going all the way and she chews her nails. ~ People do.

Her false nails.

If you got her on the cheap, Viv, thinking I'll spend

the rest of my career mopping up after her,

you've another think coming.

I love you whingeing about your future

when your present's going totally to shit.

~ They've really hurt her, Viv. ~ People do.

Oi!

Oh, so that's your game, is it?

For anyone on vouchers you make up your tips by tampering.

Well, here's a big tip for you, Aeroflot, wrong person,

wrong place, wrong tree, try it again

and I'll have you sex-trafficked by Albanians, you stick thin creep!

Viv, Viv, it was a joke.

A happy finish?

~ About bloody time. ~ Morning, sir. ~ What's up?

Couldn't fasten up your buttons or something?

We're meant to start a tournament at ten and we've got people

coming from as far as Chorlton to Bury, haven't we?

~ Come on, Cartman, let's see who you really are. ~ Are you OK, mate?

Can you tell me your name?

Tell me your name.

~ Jesus! ~ Are you OK?

Requesting urgent medical assistance.

Can you hear me? Tell me your name.

'Roger that, Tango Patrol. Ambulance is on its way.'

Oh, God! He's stopped breathing.

Joy, I'm sorry this happened

and I'll do anything to put right, but I'm not apologising for Cathy,

not to anybody. I'd walk first.

Well, that's not happening on my watch.

How can I work properly if I'm being ignored?

They're not angry with you they're angry...

They're pissed off with Maclaren, the thieving, lanky wanker.

But do you know what saddens me most?

There's not been a Tuesday or a Thursday since I turned 25

that I've not slept round your house,

and I can't do that any more, can I?

Not with Cathy as your new housemate and you won't sleep round mine.

Not till you kill the cat.

Ma'am.

'Maclaren wants one of us to report to him and his team of e-twats

'and it won't be me for this reason -

'I'd rather he had a go at YOU to see what he'd say

~ 'if I'm not in the room, you see?' ~ Course.

'Get your shit together and get round there

'and welcome to management.'

Oh, you stupid cow! What have you done to us all?!

No. No, you're moving.

To be honest, I won't mind having a look myself.

Well, one of us can't... There. There. There.

Don't... move. Don't dare move.

Maclaren was looking at Jocelyn Wade's client list.

No!

~ Only me, ma'am. ~ Only.

Amber alert from the poisons unit. Ooh, hello.

Erm, Stuart and Tegan accompanied a sudden death down at St Michael's.

There's chemicals on the street that shouldn't be.

Three more on this patch, not dead yet but not far off.

~ What are we talking? ~ Some mephedrone-ketamine reboot

and something new they can't yet identify, ma'am.

If they've mutated mephedrone we'll be cleaning up middle-aged,

middle-class shit off the streets till the next Olympics.

Yeah, well, the last one

was a 19-year-old economics student at Manchester.

Take the address, take Jonah with you to inform next of kin.

Hiya.

There's a window right at the back of the ladies' toilets.

You'll be able to see much better,

although you've got to remove the automatic light bulb.

Is that the dead on arrival that Stuart and Tegan just called in?

Yeah, poor little sod. Nearly all his organs had started liquefying.

Eurgh! Enough! His mother is in reception.

I think she's trying to report him missing.

He'd gone out to score drugs.

The only time he borrowed the car was while I was at the gym,

because I was at a drink after with the girls and got taxis home.

He always put it back exactly where and how I'd left it.

~ Except the cab smelt of fresh weed. ~ Just weed?

His father died a month ago.

I know what I've needed to get through it, so God help him.

We don't think he was robbed, but we couldn't find his phone.

He left it behind. That's why...

That's why I couldn't find him.

Yeah. Come on. Let's get you home, Suzanne.

I've spoken to your sister and she's with your mum at your house.

~ How did you get my mum from Worcester? ~ I called in favours.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

DC Kowalska will come with you to take a full statement.

I know it seems indecent but we need the information now, yeah?

God bless you.

Get the intelligence lads off Spotify and onto this.

I need a phone log cross referencing urgently.

So, the Down's killer case. Where's Darren Maclaren leading us?

~ Back to Jocelyn Wade's client list. ~ How do you know that?

Well, he thinks that's the most viable lead.

Utter expensive bollocks.

Jocelyn Wade's clients aren't suspects,

they're just horny, twisted freaks.

We need to get inside Cathy Calvert's head.

Get her to talk.

The minute she's fit to speak,

I'll be the closest one listening. You have my word.

Do keep me posted, meanwhile, there's a guy out there

killing Down's syndrome girls who's not quite as patient as you.

From intelligence. The dead lad's phone logs led to this guy.

We've got him in custody. His name is Roy Proctor. He's a postman.

Not known to us but recently acknowledged by locals

as a casual supplier. Weed only usually,

but in this case, he pilfered an unregistered

parcel on his round that - Bingo! - contained non-specific capsules.

~ Going to which address? ~ He'd burnt the packaging for his own benefit.

Where was his round?

I forget but it's not a toilet.

Erm... Richmond Fall's area.

No way am I looking at Sandy Street.

See, this is where we was asked to help on surveillance last November.

But we were all shouted down once they realised

~ there was no explosives involved. ~ They were definitely manufacturing.

~ Yeah, but just hydroponics and shit. ~ Hydroponics don't cause that.

OK, well, if they've upped their game, so will we.

And they've caught me on a full moon so they won't know what's hit them.

All right?

Is this you? Couldn't it wait till people had eaten?

It needed to wait until I was ready.

Sarge.

Ooh, I think I've had an idea that might just get us

~ back in the running on the Down's syndrome case. ~ Mm, yeah?

It's a bit tricky and it relates to Cathy Calvert.

Given that Cathy's not talking and Dinah wouldn't even let us try

we need new ideas to get round the formalities...

~ How much are you asking for? ~ 400.

Keep your idea to yourself, spend five.

22 and 24 Sandy Street,

two semis that have been bought in the last 12 months.

But they're not semis, they're a drugs lab.

We're working on a theory that they've scattered a test batch into the human field.

Five people are already dead or dying because of it.

I want that kitchen closed.

Tonight.

We could have done with a lot more preparation, but big tough titty.

Excuse me.

Do we know what it is they're making?

We've just got young Luke Hyatt's toxicology in, and it's

looking like a transmutation of good old 4-methylmethcathinone with...

Yeah, but it's souped-up MCat, in other words.

Yeah, which they're a long way off, cos this stuff's only half modified,

but still a neurotoxin that shuts down your immunity till... well, you drown in your own blood, basically.

Joseph Raphael, of number 22.

Sounds foreign, but he's English as a muffin and by reputation

a very nasty little prick.

People who've messed with him haven't been seen since.

Angelina Costeros, from number 24 Sandy Street.