UnREAL

Graham: Welcome to "Everlasting."

Your suitor, Adam Cromwell!

Quinn: Let's go people,

I want nudity, 911 calls, cat fights.

Get me some good TV.

Producers produce things.

I create conditions for things to happen.

Chet Wilton -- creator of "Everlasting.

You're very lucky that your little stunt

got me boo-yah ratings last season.

Olive: Are you taking your meds?

Don't do that, mom. I'm sorry feel judged.

Don't shrink me.

Let's get out, have a real life, real friends.

"Everlasting" was my idea.

I'm starting my own company, and I want you to come with me.

Jeremy and I have started talking about getting out.

Quinn: Oh! Aren't you two so great at that together.

You are gonna come and work for me at my new company.

Jeremy: I know, Rach... about Adam.

I'm gonna make sure you never hurt anyone like this again.

Come with me. No, Mary!

Shia: She went off her meds.

I swapped out a few of her pills.

Sam: Going live. And action.

Man: Camera "A," do you see her? Where is she?

We have a runaway bride.

This is live television.

You've got to fix this.

I want your full support moving forward.

Anything. I'm about to lose my job.

Quinn: We won.

Quinn: We're gonna be kings this year, Goldie.

Kings! Rachel: Right? Money, dick, power.

Love it. Yes. In that order.

Oh! Quinn: Oh!

Yeah! Talk about it.

Gloomer. That's crazy.

Do me. It's a small, whole tattoo thing.

Okay, ready? What's up? What?

Oh, look at this place.

This does not look ready.

This place doesn't look ready!

Look at this. Nothing's ready.

More pink, more pink --

There's other colors in the rainbow.

No, really, this is it, though.

This is your year.

Dare to dream, lady.

Oh, come on, stop acting like you're not

as happy as a pig in shit right now.

Yes, no, I really am excited,

and I think it is the right thing to do for so many reasons.

Can you stop? Stop selling me.

Don't sell me. Okay, save it for the network.

That's why we go to Vegas.

We sell the network,

and as soon as they approve your idea,

then I can start just kicking back

and enjoying a seven-figure production deal.

Okay, how often are you gonna say

"seven-figure production deal"?

I just want to know what we're talking about.

Oh, I'm gonna say it a lot.

I'm gonna go, "Seven-figure, seven-figure, seven-figure."

Seven figures. Seven is a lucky number.

What's going on? You okay?

Yeah.

Great. All right, you ready?

Ohh! This bitch was born ready.

Let's do this.

We're talking Vegas.

Vegas! Here we go. Feeling it!

Going to Vegas, baby!

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Easy there, Amy Winehouse, all right?

This is for the executives we're buttering up.

All right.

Brad: I want to make a toast.

We are thrilled

that we have you under exclusive contract,

and we cannot wait to see what brilliant shows

that you dream up.

Thank you for 13 years of slave labor

to get an overall deal.

Cheers.

-Yeah! -To season 15.

All right. We have a surprise for you, Brad.

May I introduce "Everlasting's" next suitor --

pro quarterback...

Darius Beck!

Are you serious?

As a brain tumor.

Nice to meet you.

You just made my dick hard.

[ Indistinct shouting, Laughter ]

Man: You're a chieftain now, Chet.

Go get your kingdom back.

It was me.

The first black suitor.

It was me!

We're gonna make history.

Quinn: Everyone, shh. Network president.

Gary: He's black.

Yeah, he's the first black --

No, he's not that black.

All right, Gary?

He's like, uh, football black. I know who he is.

All right, I'm looking at him right now.

He's black.

Well, and how does it feel

to be finally beating the Eagles

given your well-known beef with Titus Washington?

Darius: Really? That's your question?

Well, Titus said -- Oh, who cares about what Titus said?

Uh, what about this scandal?

Uh, he called that reporter a bitch on TV.

Did you not see what I just did out there?

Bitch, please. I'm out of here, man. Hey, hey.

Scaring the hell out of her.

It looks like he's gonna hit her right there on ESPN.

-I'll break her! -Chill.

Darius: Man, Titus ain't got shit on me!

This is your idea of a love interest?

Quinn: Yeah, okay, first of all, Gary, all right,

he didn't call her a bitch.

He said, "Bitch, please,"

which is a term of endearment.

I mean, I say it to Rachel all the time.

And secondly, why would he do our show, okay?

These high-profile guys wouldn't be caught dead with us

unless they needed to rehab their image.

And you know, hell yes,

he's gonna be dating white chicks, okay?

And hopefully, he's gonna be making

deep, dark, nasty love to them, too.

I mean, the more white pussy the better.

Am I right, Gary?

Uh, I'm sorry, what?

I promise you 20 million viewers.

The minute he lays black hands on a white ass,

Twitter will melt down.

Oh, and the girls, Gary.

We have a hot racist,

an even hotter black activist power person.

Uh, a clergy. What?

And... You have that?

...we have a terrorist. A terrorist?

No. They will be at each other's throats from night 1.

It will be a ratings bonanza.

Or I can just get you

another small-dicked white boy from Missouri

with a bunch of horny kindergarten teachers

because nobody's bored by that.

Your call, Gary.

Gary: This is on you, Quinn. All right, it's your ass.

You hear me? Your ass.

Are you kidding?

Football black? Nice, I'm gonna use that.

Shut up, Brad.

All right, did you get all of that, though?

'Cause I have to pee. What?

The thing about all the Looney Tunes

that we promised Gary.

You have to go find them.

What are you talking about?

Quinn, the show's cast.

It's your new job, honey bear.

I'm Chet, you're Quinn.

I say crazy shit, and you make it happen.

-That's your ab workout? -It's like this.

You've never done it? -No, I don't do that.

Oh, so this is it.

Um... Oh.

Yes, this is it.

This is gonna be your house for the next nine weeks.

-Ooh. -Cool.

-Yeah. -Cool.

Okay, why does it seem like you're not that excited?

Darius: L-let me ask you this.

I'm-a be on camera 24 hours a day?

Um, you're the star of a television program.

Was there some sort of miscommunication?

Because we talked it out,

and I sort of had the impression

that you two were gonna talk it out.

My phone is ringing.

I have to take it.