Skazochnoe puteshestvie mistera Bilbo Begginsa, Khobbita (The Fantastic Journey of Mr. Bilbo Baggins, the Hobbit)

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The Fabulous Journey Of Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit

Accross the wild land, through the dark forest, and beyond the misty mountains.

There and back again.

After the fantastic novel by John Tolkien, "The Hobbit".

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.

Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, no!

It was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.

There is little or no magic about hobbits. They dress in bright colours.

They wear no shoes, because their feet grow natural leathery soles.

They have a good-natured faces. They are laugh often.

Especially after dinner, which they have twice a day.

When they can get it.

Our hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, was convinced that no adventure

would ever happened to him, and he never did anything unexpected.

But I will tell you a story of how he had an adventure,

and to his surprise, began to do and say the unexpected.

One day on a quiet, early morning,

in those days, when there was less noise in the world, and more green,

Bilbo Baggins was standing at his door after breakfast, smoking a wooden pipe.

Good morning.

What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning,

or mean that it is a good morning whether I want not?

Or that it is a morning to be good on for all?

All of them at once.

And a very fine morning to sit outside with a smoke.

Let's smoke a pipe together. Sit down, there’s no hurry,

we have all the day before us. Please.

Very pretty. But I have no time today.

I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging.

But it's not easy to find anyone.

Ho-ho-ho-ho! In our parts? Ha-ha.

We are hobbits, and we're plain quiet folk.

We have no love for adventures.

Nothing but trouble.

And discomfort.

If you're looking for participants, search them accross The River,

or over The Hill.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Good morning.

What a lot of things you do use good morning for.

Ai-ai-ai-ai-ai...Now you mean that you want to get rid of me?

Not at all, my dear sir.

Unfortunately, I have not the honour to know your name.

You have it, my dear sir.

And I do know your name, mr. Bilbo Baggins.

And you do know my name, though you don’t remember that I belong to it.

I am Gandalf, and Gandalf means me.

How? You are a Gendalf?

Imagine that.

Oh, are you really the one?

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...

The wandering wizard responsible for so many quiet lads and lasses

going off into no one knows where, for quest of adventure.

I beg your pardon, but I had no idea you were still in business.

Where else should I be?

My mother Belladonna, she told me lots of your stories,

about goblins and giants and the rescue of princesses.

All the same I am pleased to find you remember something about me.

It means you are not completely hopeless.

And for the sake of you mother, I will give you what you asked for.

I beg your pardon, sir, I have not asked you for anything!

No, twice now, you asked me for my pardon. I give it you.

Aaah... thank you.

I will go so far as to send you on my adventure.

Very amusing for me, and profitable for you. Ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha...

Thank you, mr. Gendalf, but I don't want it.

Yes.

Sorry, but some other time.

Other...Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...

But, of course, please come to me, any time you like. Tomorrow, for example.

We'll drink a cup of tea. But sorry, not today.

Bilbo scuttled inside his hole.

Let's agree, after this exhilarating conversation

he should to fortify himself immediately,

with a cake or two and a drink of something strong.

Next day, just before Bilbo was going to take tea,

there came a tremendous ring on the front-door bell.

Dwalin, at your service. Good day.

Aaa... good day... Bilbo Baggins, at yours.

I am just about to take tea. Will you join to me?

Please.

I see they have begun to arrive already. Balin at your service.

Bilbo Baggins, at yours. Don't you wish tea?

A little beer would suit me better, if you have it.

But I don’t mind a plum-cake, if it doesn't inconvenience you.

Not at all.

Kili at your service.

And Fili too.

Bilbo Baggins, at yours.

Balin and Dwalin are already here, as I see.

Yes.

So, let's join to the throng.

Please.

Very glad.

Someone else... I'm sorry.

More than one, I should say by the sound.

Dori.

Bilbo Baggins.

Nori.

B-Bilbo Baggins.

Ori.

Bilbo Baggins.

Oin.

Bilbo Baggins.

Gloin.

Bilbo Baggins.

Sit down...

It is not like you, Bilbo, to keep friends waiting on the mat, no?

Let me introduce... Bifur.

Bilbo Baggins.

Bofur.

Bilbo Baggins.

Bombur.

Bilbo Baggins.

And, especially, Thorin.

B-B-Bilbo Baggins.

Here you are.

So, now we are all here.

I hope there is something left for the late-comers to eat?

Of course!

- What’s that? - This is tea.

- Tea? - Yes.

Thank you very much. No tea. For me, I think a tankard of ale.

Also, gooseberry jam and apple-tart would be good!

Meat pies!

Cabbage pie!

More cupcakes!

And pudding.

A cup of coffee, please.

Two cups!

And please, grab the cold chicken.

Pickled cucumbers!

Of course!...

I hope they eat and drink themselves to death, these dwarves... Coming!

Less than half an hour later, all the larders in Bilbo's house were empty.

And then cheerfully twenty-six hands helped the hobbit to wash the dishes.

Crack the plates! Crack the plates!

Chip the glasses! Chip the glasses!

Bend the forks! Bend the forks! Blunt the knives!

Smash the bottles! Smash the bottles!

Burn the cloth! Burn the cloth!

Just give us the order!

Tear to pieces! Tear to pieces!

Tablecloths! Tablecloths!

Spill on the chairs, spill on the chairs, fat from the cutlet!

Peel and bones! Peel and bones!

Drop at your feet! Drop at your feet!

Smear the mustard over the floor!

Cups and glasses! Cups and glasses!

In a boiling bowl! In a boiling bowl!

Stir it with an iron bar! Stir it with an iron bar!

Take them out! Take them out!

Dry them off! Dry them off!

Then throw them away! Then throw them all away!

Who is sitting by idle? Let's take care of the fine china!

Meanwhile, the evening fell.

In the black sky, over the trees, the stars were scattered.

They sat by the fireplace and smoked their pipes.

Gandalf. Dwarves. Mr. Baggins.

We are met in the house of our friend and fellow conspirator,

an excellent and audacious hobbit, in order to discuss our plans.

Our object is, I suppose, well known to all of us.

But perhaps, for mr. Baggins - may the hair never fall from his feet -

and some younger dwarves...

I think I should be right in naming Fili and Kili,

the situation may require some explanation.

So, I explain.

Very soon, before dawn, we will go on a long journey,

on a dangerous journey, and many of us, probably all,

except for our friend and advisor, the ingenious wizard Gandalf,

I repeat... Maybe none of us will return from this journey.

Easily excitable person! Prone to unexplained bouts.

But one of the best! Fierce as a dragon with its tail in the door.

Do you think, he will do?

It's all very well for Gandalf to talk about this hobbit being fierce.

He fainted from fear!

In fact, if I hadn't seen the magic sign on the door,

then I would have thought that we had come to the wrong place.

And I immediately understood that something was wrong.

He looks more like a grocer than a burglar!

Pardon! Like a gro...

Like a grocer?

Like a grocer.

Like a grocer?!

Well, I will prove to you! I will prove you of what I am capable!

Like a grocer...

As soon as I saw your, pardon me, unsympathetic faces,

it seemed to me that you had come to the wrong place.

But continue as if you came to the right place!

Like a grocer!

Speak! Tell me what I must to do, and I will do it.

I'll do all of what I am capable, whoever I will have to fight.

So there.

I will not, I will not pretend, that I understand what this is about. I don't.

I especially do not understand the last statement about burglars.

Well here's what. I have chosen mr. Baggins, and that should be enough.

And if I say he is a burglar, well then a burglar he is.

Or he will be a burglar... when the time comes.

secret passage you will need burglary!