Anger Management

- Just gonna drop her on the couch. - Okay.

I'll pick her up tomorrow.

You're not driving home until you have another cup of coffee.

Hey, don't worry about whispering.

She slept through everything.

Jet engines, turbulence, bipolar flight attendants.

I hate her so much, I hate you!

No, I don't. I love you.

I resent her youth.

Coffee may not be the answer.

How long has it been since you've slept?

Eh, let's see...

I didn't get any sleep at your parents',

both our flights were delayed,

somebody phoned in a bomb threat to the taco bell express,

they shut down the airport, so...

487 hours?

You need to lay down. Come on.

Okay.

No, no, no, no.

We don't sleep on pool tables anymore.

We're parents now. Nothing fun or weird.

- Your mother's a bitch. - Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, where'd that come from? I thought you liked her.

Never did.

Your dad, on the other hand, he's a flirt.

Has he ever flirted with you?

No, he only flirts with people he likes. Okay.

Ahh. Oh, my God.

Oh, this is heaven.

What are you doing in heaven?

Part of the exchange program.

Gandhi's down there at a strip club with Mussolini.

- Just sleep. - Mm. Okay.

Hey, remember that time when I tried to trick you

into getting me pregnant to save our marriage?

What? No!

Yeah. Sam was eight

and I stopped taking the pill and started sleeping naked.

You remember?

I remember the naked thing.

I didn't think you wanted a baby.

- I thought you wanted a new car. - Mm.

But it's all right.

We have the greatest kid ever

and you're a good dad. Good night.

Wait, wait, wait. Before you fall asleep...

The time we went to Vegas and you told me that you got robbed.

- Did that really happen? - No, I lost it all on Blackjack.

- You remember? - This is like a truth serum.

Is it hard for you to find another guy because I set the bar too high?

- No. - What do you know? You're half asleep.

Nolan?

Nolan!

What do you think about the fact that ed just called you a pussy?

I didn't hear that.

- Ed? - Pussy.

Probably right.

Now, hold on. Before everybody leaves,

I want to invite you all to take part in something

that I am very excited about.

Oh, I knew this day was coming.

It's either real estate or vitamins.

No, Ed. A few nights ago,

I had an experience that led me to believe

that we could advance the frontiers of psychological study.

I'm talking about stripping away your defenses to a point

where inhibitions come down and truths come out.

So, what? We're all going to get drunk?

No. I'm talking about sleep deprivation therapy.

Can I be drunk for that?

No. Because sometimes when people get drunk,

they grab a gun and shoot their boyfriends in the testicles.

- You're talking about me, aren't you? - I thought that was abundantly clear.

Now, I've done a lot of research on this.

I think if we stay up long enough,

we can get to a whole new level of honesty.

That's the way my old associate in Nam used to do it.

You ought to bring Pho Than Kwon in here.

That old boy kept me awake 70 hours straight

at the Hanoi Hilton, getting intel out of me.

Seriously, you can get him.

He's got a noodle shop down at the music center.

He gives me 10% off because he tortured me.

A real sweetheart.

It's your mistake for staying at a Hilton.

I want you all here on Friday for a weekend workshop.

Some of us might have plans this weekend.

And what were you planning to do?

Call my friends and ask them why they never invite me anywhere on the weekends.

I guess I could reschedule it for next weekend.

How are we going to stay up that long?

The way Pho Than kept us awake,

he'd take a car battery and some jumper cables

and clamp them onto our nipples.

- I think we'll start with coffee. - Pho Than used coffee, too.

He'd boil up a big pot and then make us bend over...

- we're just going to drink it. - Oh, we drank it.

anyway, so they make me empty my pockets

with all my good-luck charms in front of everybody,

including Jake Slater.

It's midterms, I had all my good luck stuff.

My silver dollar, my dream catcher, my monopoly dog...

hey, at least you didn't have a pouch full of your baby teeth. Right?

- Heh. - Oh, yup. You had the baby teeth.

Well, I had to. I had an algebra test.

- I'm a freak. - No, you're not.

I know tons of people who carry good-luck charms.

Here.

My dad made this penny for me when we went to Carlsbad Caverns.

It was the best day we ever had.

- Do you always carry this with you? - Yeah.

So I guess I'm a freak, too.

If Jake Slater doesn't like you

because you carry a pouch full of baby teeth, then...

well, you understand why, right?

- - It's open.

- Hey, Charlie. Hey, Sam. - Hi.

Hey, Kate. I'm going to go pack.

Why doesn't she like me?

Do you think she knows we're sleeping together?

Nobody knows. Maybe she's just intimidated by you.

That's cool.

So why am I here?

Because I want to ask you to help me with my sleep deprivation project.

I need another psychologist there to supervise the group

for a few hours while I rest so I can be fresh for the session.

Well, I would, but you're not still going through with that, are you?

Kate, Kate. This is breakthrough research

and really positive for my patients.

Breakthrough research?

Somebody wants to get into the "journal of applied psychology."

But my primary concern is my patients.

Come on, Charlie. You're desperate for recognition.

You can't play baseball anymore, so you're trying to get it in psychotherapy.

So? What's wrong with wanting to be known as the best in your profession?

Because you're experimenting on human beings

and sleep deprivation is not a recognized therapeutic tool.

God, you can be so stubborn.

I am not being stubborn.

I'm laying the foundation for a new methodology.

And, for the record, you're a therapeutic tool.

Drat. Outwitted.

Hey, Charlie. Hey, Kate. Sam ready to go?

She's upstairs grabbing her bag, and thanks again for taking her on my weekend.

Oh, well, it's probably a good idea she's not here

for your crazy people stay-up-all-night party.

I mean, I'm not a professional, but it seems to me

that unstable people need as much sleep as possible.

Right. Get some rest.

You know, there's something I've been wanting to say to you for a long time.

- Yeah? - It's really stupid,

but for the longest time I thought you and Charlie

had the hots for each other.

- You're kidding. - I know. It's crazy.

I mean, you're gay, right?

I mean, I'm not gay gay.

I mean, I like to live in the moment.

You're so cool. We should hang out.

Patrick, you're early.

Didn't realize traffic was going to be so light,

but since I'm the first person here

for our "no sleepover," I'll just take the couch.

Patrick, if you want the couch, just say you got here early to take the couch.

Nobody is going to be petty enough to compete with you for the couch.

Damn it! I wanted the couch.

Oh, crap! The couch is gone.

I told you if I let you pick me up, you had to be on time.

I'm sorry. I've never been to your house before.

Please. I've seen you parked outside my house for hours.

Well, not in daytime.

Okay, guys. As you can see,

I've set up a few cameras around to document the workshop.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I did not agree to be filmed.

Okay, I will make sure that no footage of you ends up in my presentation.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I did not agree not to be filmed.

Okay. We've all been up for about 12 hours,

but most sleep deprivation symptoms don't kick in until after 36.

So we'll start the session tomorrow night.

Until then, the only rule is to stay awake.

Ed, wake up.

Ed?

- Ed! - Oh, my God. He's not breathing.

Ha ha!

You hit your feet, you lose your seat.

I think I can trace a lot of my anger back to the moment

I found out my mother died.

I was in the back of a cab with my brother.

He hung up the phone, he turned to me

and he said, "mom's dead."

There was nothing in his eyes.

It was like he didn't even care.

I said, "what's the matter with you? Our mother is dead!"

You know what? That sucked. Okay.

Patrick, we're 24 hours in. You've been in front of the camera for half that.

So far your mother has died in a cab,

on a train, on a plane, in a boat.

The only place she hasn't died is in a box with a fox.