The League

I'll figure it out.

Just do it one more time, I will figure it out.

It's too complicated for you.

It's not too complicated for me.

He wants to play the game, let's give him the game.

Okay, fine.

You pick someone this time.

You tell me.

Okay, fine.

Go.

Plug 'em up. Look away.

You good?

Yeah.

Right here.

Okay. (clears throat)

Some people think he's the best in the game.

Nobody thought the game would pass him by.

Together, him and his teammates... Drew Brees.

Thank you!

Nice, easy one.

You got it now, right?

You understand it, right?

No.

You have to under... That was so simple.

It took me a while to figure out the game, too.

It took him a while to figure it out.

This thing knows how to do it?

Yeah.

Want me to show you how?

He'll teach you.

Whoa! The champion has arrived!

What's up?

Will you stop saying that word, please?

Gentlemen, as your league champion, it is time to talk draft.

As we all know, the league champion determines where we

hold the draft.

There's an abandoned video store near my place, and they

have couches.

No, no, no, Taco, you're thinking too small.

You know what, guys?

Let's just blow it out this year... Vegas.

Vegas?

Vegas draft.

We've never done the traditional Vegas draft.

Blow it out!

I was gonna say that.

You were gonna say what?

It was my idea.

The Vegas was my idea.

We all just heard him say Vegas.

Pete said it.

In the end, it doesn't really matter whose idea it was...

It was mine.

Well, you can book it.

You can run with it.

I did, I ran with it.

Guys, guys, enough bickering, okay?

Vegas is a great idea for the draft, and we should really

raise a glass to Pete for coming up with it.

Oh, it was just an idea, guys, really.

- To Vegas! - It was my idea!

So, Vegas.

Yeah.

I kind of want to go.

Why? I mean, all we're gonna do is, you know, get drunk and

maybe go to a strip club.

I want to be in the league.

But you're... you are.

You're... you help me.

You're, like... almost in the league.

Almost in the league, but I'm not really in the league.

You'll be on my team with me.

I don't want to be on your team with you; I want my own team.

Those three out-of-town dudes never even show up.

I'm here, and I can be there, and I just, I have all this

knowledge, okay?

Help me, then.

I need to use it.

Give it to me.

It doesn't help you.

You still manage to shoot yourself in the foot.

Come on.

I can't do it.

Why? You are the commissioner.

My hands are tied.

It's an eight-team league, it

always has been, it always will be.

Okay, fine. If one of the eight drops out... No one drops out.

It's like the Supreme Court. People just die on the bench.

Supreme Court has 9 judges.

: I feared this day would come.

All those years of free fantasy advice... here comes the bill.

I love my wife, but I don't want her in the league.

I mean, this is my thing.

That she does for you, essentially.

I mean, do you realize without her help how frighteningly bad

you would be?

I wouldn't be that bad.

Oh, my God... Vegas hat!

Oh!

Vegas! Right?

Wow, that's ugly.

Best idea ever.

Very good idea, not Andre.

Right, it was my idea.

Hey, if we do need a ninth, my brother-in-law Ralphie's

available.

No. No.

Brolo... Bro, no... He stinks, man.

As league champion, I shoot it down.

Here, happy birthday.

This is a belated gift from Jenny and I.

Oh, my God, I can't believe you guys gave me your butt

beads... that's so nice.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Open it up in Vegas. Okay?

Okay.

Oh, this is your plane ticket, Taco.

Thank you for paying for it, brother.

To pay you back, I will teach Ellie to ride a motorcycle.

That's not necessary.

She's only six.

Okay, now, look, as your league champion, it's come to my

attention that we need to determine the order of the draft.

I have already done that.

Please... ladies, follow moi.

Very simple: security line, right over here.

First person through the security line gets the first

pick in the draft. Huh?

Wait, wait, you son of a bitch... you checked all your bags.

That's because I'm in it to win it.

Go!

: Kevin!

I'm a doctor, and there's a medical emergency.

I need to get on a flight.

I don't believe you, and a doctor wouldn't wear that hat.

Cactus. Be careful. It's... All these colors don't go together.

It was designed by Santana.

Pardon me, pardon me!

Look out!

Goddamn slip-ons!

It's a joke bomb!

It's a joke bomb!

Sir, don't use the word "bomb" in this airport.

It's a classic Kevin joke.

Excuse me for one second.

No, no, no. No. Hey!

No, no, no!

Oh... sack!

Number one pick! Whoo!

You can body-cavity search me all you want... all you're gonna

find is Tennessee running back Chris Johnson!

Whoo! Suck it.

Smells like Vegas.

So, it's, like, a word scramble?

No, that's not it.

Oh, I hate this game.

Don't hate the game, hate the player, buddy.

I'm the player.

I know.

Dudes, check it out, all right?

We are living the life.

This weekend is going to be amazing.

But I have one rule: what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

- No, it does not. - What do you mean, no, it doesn't?

- It's a rule. - I don't subscribe to that rule.

Okay, so you're gonna do nothing... that the people at

home wouldn't want to hear about?

Nope. Oh, and by the way, the term "What happens in Vegas,"

that should be, like, buried in a graveyard of overused

expressions along with "You go, girl" and "Show me the money."

Come on, homie don't play that.

Really?

Come on, let's just go check out the suite.

It's so money.

Vegas, baby!

Gentlemen... Shit.

...meet Las Vegas.

It's Spanish for "Andre is awesome."

Wow!

Well done, Andre, well done.

Yeah.

I got to admit, this is... kind of great.

Well, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

Gentlemen... welcome to Las Vegas.

What?!

Chad Ochocinco.

In the flesh.

Hey, come on up, man.

What?!

Chad's gonna be our special guest... you know, our master of

ceremonies.

How are you here?

What... I don't... Chad and I are getting into

the calf implant business.

I'm making molds of his calves in two sizes.

Preseason... and Playoff Push, baby.

Why are you working with him?

Yeah.

Child, please! I won... No. Stop.