Venus in Furs (Paroxismus)

It all began last year...

...near Istanbul...

...on the shore of the Black Sea.

Or, at least, I think it did...

...because at the time I...

...wasn't quite sure what was real and what wasn't.

I tried not to remember why I buried my horn.

It was like...

...burying my life.

But I had to find it, and dig it up, and keep running.

Musicians will understand.

A guy like me without a horn...

...is like...

...well...

...a man without words.

She was beautiful,

even though she was dead.

There was... a connection between us.

Maybe it was that jet set party.

Was it last week...

...or last month...

or last year?

When you don't know where you're at...

...man, I tell you, time is like the ocean.

You can't hold on to it.

I met a millionaire playboy...

...an art dealer named Kapp...

...Olga, a fashion photographer...

Her name was Wanda Reed.

I really dug that chick.

Look, I know she ran around

with the Riviera, Greek Island, yachting crowd...

...and I wasn't in her league...

...but I wanted to be...

...and it was buggin' the life out of me.

No!

No!

Come here.

Come here.

No!

Man, it was a wild scene.

Like, if they wanted to go that route,

it was their bag.

I told myself it was none of my business...

...but maybe I split because I was just as sick as they were

but couldn't face up to it.

I don't remember if it was last week,

last month, or last year.

All I remember is escaping from somebody or something.

Was it Wanda? Man, that's crazy.

How can you run from a dead person

unless you're dead yourself?

I didn't just leave Istanbul. I escaped.

Wandering around Europe.

funny thing, I ended up in one place

where people go on the lam to hide,

Rio,

and it was Carnival time.

Four crazy days and nights.

A wild scene when the whole city explodes into one big block party.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Rita.

What's the matter, baby?

I don't know.

I wanna get back to my music, but somehow I'm afraid to.

Something keeps stopping me.

Man, I can't. I'm through with playing.

Come on, honey.

Look, baby, I'm trying to tell you,

I can't play my horn anymore.

I've had it. I can't do anything.

For me, please, try one more day.

Please.

Rita had been around and she knew the score.

She could see I was a pretty mixed-up guy...

...but she didn't mind talking.

Even about the past.

Especially about what happened in Istanbul.

The whole world is a little less lonely

now that you've got somebody to talk to.

I talked and she listened,

and things became better for me.

Slowly, I was getting back on solid ground.

My music was in the groove. It was great.

Like being born all over again.

Suddenly I felt all the life being drained out of me.

Was this Wanda?

She was dead.

I found her body on the beach in Istanbul.

How could she suddenly walk in through a doorway in Rio?

It was crazy.

I was hypnotized.

I wanted to run,

but I had to follow her.

I was trapped in a whirlpool that kept sucking me in,

deeper and deeper.

Where was I going?

Why was this happening to me?

Why couldn't I fight it?

No, Jimmy.

Go back.

No, Jimmy. Go back.

Go back.

Who are you?

I don't know.

Oh, I see.

No names...

...no dates, and no stories.

This is the beginning and the end.

For me...

...everything ended a long time ago.

I left Wanda to walk the streets of the Carnival

to try to make sense of what was happening,

but nothing added up.

She was dead...

...but was she alive?

Was I dead,

or was I alive?

Hi.

Hi.

At Carnival time a guy...

...usually takes his girl with him.

I took a walk.

A... strange walk.

No questions.

You found your way home.

You know...

...that I'm- that I'm blind to that.

Rita, baby, believe me.

But sometimes it's lonesome.

Why didn't you go to sleep?

I was bored.

Next time please take me with you.

I don't like to be alone.

And when I'm not with you, I'm alone.

Come on.

Let's get some sleep.