Life Itself

Cue "Love Sick," Bob Dylan,

track one, "Time Out of Mind."

Yeah, that's good.

That's real good.

We open tight on a man.

Oh, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, let me rephrase.

We open on our hero.

We push in on his face.

Motherfucker, I said push in on that shit.

Mid-20s, handsome, gay...

gay in that cool cat kind of way.

Gay like "Billy on the Street" gay.

Gay like, "It's who I am, it's not all I am, baby."

Yeah, that's one cool cat we got over here.

But right now, this cat's anything but cool.

This cat's in crisis.

I feel ashamed, I guess.

I know this doesn't make me look very good,

but it's, uh, breaking me, and, um...

Let it go, brother,

let it go like a proud asshole.

Let it go, let it go.

I just...

He and I have been together for so long.

I know it sounds cliché, but I guess...

I like knowing he's on my team, you know?

I know, my brother. I hear you, my brother.

Let it go.

Well, this new guy has come along.

Hmm, proceed.

He's new, he's exciting,

and he's so much younger.

Aw, ain't no shame, brother.

I know I can't stick with someone out of loyalty.

And you know this.

Okay, I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna put Sterling Shepard in my flex wide receiver spot

and drop Larry Fitzgerald

and maybe I'll pick up Miami D off waivers, too.

Say what now?

Henry.

You know we've talked about how obsessing over fantasy football

can't simply replace obsessing over food.

Okay, my bad.

That motherfucker is not our hero.

Look at that pretty therapist over there.

Calming his anorexic fantasy football-loving ass down.

Push in on her for a sec.

Okay.

JACKSON I said push in, man! Come on!

Oh, yeah.

Now I'm seeing it.

That's a hero right there.

Amazing smile, the silky smooth hair.

Let me look at you, girl.

Whoo! That's what I'm talking 'bout.

Now we in bidness, ladies and gentlemen.

We got ourselves a hero.

Now, like any great hero, our hero wasn't perfect.

She smoked, first of all,

which they normally don't let you show in movies anymore,

even though we all still smoke sometimes.

You know you smoke sometimes.

You and the wife have a date night,

you each have two martinis, you guys are feeling wild

so you buy a pack of smokes on the way home

and you each smoke one in the 7-Eleven parking lot.

Then she makes you throw out the pack,

but instead of throwing it out, you hide it in a plant,

and some nights, you sneak out and have one.

But she smells that shit on you

like she's a nicotine detective.

She smells that shit on you

like she's Mariska Hargitay on "Law & Order: SVU,"

- Hey. - Marg Helgenberger on "CSI,"

Big fan.

S. Epatha Merkerson on "Law & Order,"

Angie Harmon on "Rizzoli & Isles..."

What the fuck?!

Oh, my God.

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

She just got straight-up run over by a bus!

Ma'am?

She's gonna be okay, everybody.

Probably a little banged up, but she's gonna be fine.

She's our hero, she's gonna be...

Fuck!

Ma'am?

Ma'am, can you hear me?

Will Dempsey was 35 years old

when he gave up on his

Sam Jackson Unreliable Narrator screenplay.

Will was not well,

but you don't need me to tell you that.

Top o' the morning to you, good sir.

- Oh, boy. - What could I get for you?

Double espresso, large cup.

You got it.

- And what's your name? - Will.

Is that Will with one "L" or two "L"s?

It's two "L" s.

W-I-L-L.

Fuck you so much.

- Will! - Yep.

Double espresso, large cup.

Oh, delicious.

Thank you.

Just gonna do a long pour here.

Double.

Thank you. You want one?

No, thanks.

- It's Xanax. - Still no.

Boo humbug.

It's actually "bah humbug."

That's what she said.

It's Dylan! "Standing in the Doorway."

Third track on "Time Out of Mind."

It's his comeback album.

The whole thing's like a giant fucking Keats poem.

- Sir? - You're gonna love it.

Just give it a chance. You're gonna make me leave?

- I am. - Bah humbug.

Sir? Okay. Strum outside. Here we go.

Here we go. Thank you very much.

- Sir. - You got to give it a chance!

- No. Get out. - Give it a chance.

It's gonna grow on you. You're gonna love it!

Will hadn't always been not well.

It had really only been since his wife had left him.

You know what, we'll get to that.

Right now, let's just enjoy them as they were.

- Give it a chance. - It'll grow on you.

He sound, he sounds like he's suffering.

He is suffering.

- He's suffering like... - From a throat infection.

...every great artist is suffering.

I think it's sinusitis, is what it is.

No one rocks a sinus infection like Bob Dylan.

- I'll give him that. - Just, just...

just, like, just give him a chance.

Well, he ain't the only one suffering.

Come here, Fuckface.

- Uh-oh. - Hello, buddy.

Hey, little buddy. What?

- You feeling left out? - See, Fuckface gets it.

Come here, Fuckface.

Will loved his wife Abby with an intensity

usually reserved for stalkers.

She was everything a man could ask for in a wife.

She was nurturing and she was beautiful,

and she ate any kind of sushi the chef served to her,

even the uni.

Yes, Will was sure of it:

Abby Dempsey was absolutely perfect.

At least back then she was.

Listen to this for 30 seconds,

and then try and tell me Bob Dylan's not a poet.

Okay. Let's listen to Hoobastank now.

See? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just 30 seconds...

- To Mars? - Thir...

- Okay, let's pop that in. - Just 30 seconds.

Baby, we've been listening to him gargle

Shh.

- ...for, like, a month. - Because... I know,

- because I'm in a phase. - I can't hear this, like,

- Chewbacca noise anymore. - I'm in a phase...

I just want you to just lean into it with me, okay?

Will you please?

This is an important album.

I mean, this is the comeback album.

They thought he was done. Everybody just wrote him off.

They said you don't come back from the crazy he had,

and then boom.

'97, "Time Out of Mind."

He won three Grammys, including Album of the Year.

He beat Radiohead and Paul McCartney.

It was this intense, unexpected genius.

Just hard and dark and...

and... I mean, he said, "I'm Bob Dylan, you're not.

Eat a dick."

He told everybody to eat a dick?

Metaphorically, he told everyone to eat a dick.

So, listen... like, okay.

Okay, okay.

Shh, just listen to this.

Listen to this. The man's a genius.

He's pulling from the poetry of Keats.

He's getting...

Shh. Stop it. Stop.

Shh, shh. Stop.

Stop.

This is important to me.

Okay?

Thank you.

Appreciate this with me.

Stop.

It sounds like he has a huge cock lodged in his throat.

You are an asshole.

You are an asshole.