The Eric Andre Show

here we go!

Here we go! Here we go!

hey, what the now?

Get back there, get back there. Get back there.

Band: 5, 6, 7, go!

Come on, come on!

I'm the new nigga in this mother

King kong ain't got shit on me!

What's good, my goon? Let's get it!

Let's get it, let's get it, let's get it!

let's go! Let's go!

Okay.

Hey, reese. Anybody ever tell you

You look like barbra streisand

a klingon.

That's up.

You look like medusa drowned.

a'ight.

Quick impression of reese witherspoon.

that's what you sound like.

That's how you sound like to me, also.

You sound like a post-chipotle fart to me.

Damn.

And you basically look

Like mother --

You look like the cowardly lion from "the wiz."

Nah, you look like, oh...

You know who you look like?

You look like a cracked-out...

Uh, what's -- what's --

Hey, buddy. No tow trucks here. What's that?

See that sign? No tow trucks.

I gotta tow you, brother.

I gotta get my stuff.

My bag's in there.

Yo, where you going, mad max?

Well, I gotta get my stuff.

I don't need excuses. I need you to read the sign.

Well, I read the sign.

Tell me what it says.

It says no tow trucks. Well, there you go.

Listen, buddy, it's yom kippur.

By sundown, I gotta be at home eating with my wife.

Eh...

I get all the high holidays off.

Well, it is what it is. You know, I'll just...

How about this?

We will take your truck off the tow right now

If I can watch you kiss your wife.

Huh?

I don't have to touch anybody.

I'll be 12 feet away.

I have a girlfriend.

I can send an uber right now, pick up your girlfriend,

I watch you guys kiss,

And what I do is my business.

Let me call her real quick. Hold on.

call her up.

Hello? Woman: Hi.

Uh, hey, babe. Sorry to call right now,

But there's some weird stuff going on over here.

This guy's trying to make a deal with me

That they will take the truck off the other truck

If you are willing to come over here and kiss.

What?

That's -- that's --

That's the deal he's making.

They want -- they want me to come over there...

Yes. He says he just wants to see my girlfriend kiss.

He'll send an uber over.

I'll drive.

you'll drive?

Send me the address.

I'm coming down, so what is it?

Eric: We're gonna have fun tonight, baby!

Ladies and gentlemen, chanel west coast!

Hello! What's up, sunshine?

How you doing, my little biscuit?

Have a seat. What's up, chicken mama?

You a big ol' chicken mama.

I love that bitch.

Your birth name is chelsea greenberg leventhal,

And you changed it so you would seem less jewish.

No, my real name is chelsea chanel dudley.

And then your grandfather was bugle boy alaska.

No. So, you're a trust fund kid,

And you just basically inherited all your money

And chanel west coasted your way through life?

No, I had a single mom.

Ooh! Yummy!

You want some?

Can you identify this body?

Oh, lord.

Um... I cannot identify the body. You know him?

You know him? I don't know him.

I-is he dead?

I ain't dead yet, mother chanel: Oh, my god.

What?

shit.

Look at him. That's my son! Oh!

Doing good, son. Doing good.

Look at him! Watch this.

It's no nips November.

Wait. What the

I have no nipples.

That has to be just makeup.

No, I have no nipples. What?

I've never shown you this?

Why do you not have nipples? It's a genetic thing.

Incredible.

That's reese witherspoon.

Wait, what? I am reese witherspoon.

That's who exactly I am.

Man: can you hear me?

Hey, can you get me out of here, please?

Let me out of here, please!

I've been in here! I'm stuck!

can you hear me?

Shut the up.

wha-- man: Oh, please.

oh!

How you doing? Hey. How you doing?

Can you help me just rake some of these leaves?

I'm just trying to build a pile here.

My partner dropped out on me.

It's rosh hashanah, so he took the day off. Right.

Be careful, them got thorns on 'em.

Hey, could you do me a favor?

'cause I can't reach it. See that?

Yeah, yeah. Grab that and push it.

Right now. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it!

Turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it!

Turn it! Which way?

Turn it the other way!

Turn it the other way! Turn it the other way!

Oh, shit!

God damn, man!