Scared Shitless

Shit.

Shit!

Oh, yeah.

Ooh! Ow!

Whoa.

Game on.

You're both gone!

Yeah!

Sonny! Dinner!

Sonny!

All right. Damn it.

It's getting cold, Sonny.

If you keep washing like that, there's not gonna be any skin left.

I, um, I spit-shined those myself, so...

Okay.

To my favorite son.

To my fucked-up stomach.

Nice. Cheers.

Mmm.

Ah, man.

You know, it...

It sucks, the bad stomach thing,

but I think this germ thing might suck more.

Yeah. Yeah. Um, I think they're connected.

But, you know, I'm trying to... I'm trying to deal with it.

Hmm. What did your therapist lady say?

Um, she said my phobia is related to what happened to Mom.

Look, I don't...

I don't want you thinking that what happened to your mother

could happen to you. Okay?

Because that was a one-in-a-million germ thing.

Okay?

Sonny, the germs... germs are everywhere.

Okay? They're on everything.

I mean, do you have any idea how many germs

you're touching and drinking and... and eating all day long?

Millions upon millions of germs.

And germs actually are there to make you stronger.

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Okay, I... I get it.

I'm dealing with it.

All right?

You know, it was a tragedy what happened to your mother,

but these are the cards we're dealt,

and we're not in the business of feeling sorry for ourselves.

So what do we do?

Stay in bed all day? That's pretty good. I like doing that.

We're not gonna stay in bed all day.

What we're gonna do is keep busy. Okay?

We keep busy, because that's what keeps the grief at bay.

We stay busy by working together.

What? Wait, uh, together? Like, you want me to work with you

as a plumber?

Yes. I think it'll be good for you.

W... W... Well, what about my... my... my phobia? What about all the germs?

I... I... I could die.

You're not gonna die, Sonny. Okay? And...

I mean...

don't you, uh...

trust me?

Yeah.

Okay. So good.

Yeah.

I'm glad...

because you got your first gig with me tonight.

- Wait, what? Tonight? - Mm-hmm. Eat up.

Yeah, we got to get going soon.

Not now!

I don't think I can do this.

Oh, come on. Yeah, you can.

I'm gonna be sick.

Ah, come on. You got this, Sonny. You got this.

We should probably pick up some more of this stuff, eh?

I got you covered.

We got a whole case back there for you.

Phew!

Thank God.

Nah, don't thank God.

Thank Costco.

Whoa!

Hey, that was some classic Canadian rock.

Look, I get it, all right? I wouldn't want to work

with my old man either.

No, it's not that. I just haven't used a stranger's bathroom

since I can remember, let alone stick my hand in a toilet.

Okay, look at this... Maybe don't look at it like a nightmare.

Look at this as like an opportunity to, to face your fears. Okay?

- Whoa! - Jesus Christ!

Watch it, dumbass.

What is he yelling at me for?

It's cool. Don't...

Man, let's just relax. What is... What...

I should get out there and just boom! One punch, knock him out.

Boom, uppercut. You're lucky my son's in the car.

Okay. Just forget it.

I'm not gonna forget anything. You remember that time

you fought Philly Catapano in junior hockey?

He was picking on you, pushing you around.

And you fought, right? You fought him back.

Your mother and I were so proud of you that day.

Okay, first of all, I was crying the whole time.

Oh, watch out!

- Jesus! - Oh, my God, you guys.

- Again? - I almost just got hit by a car.

Okay, that's two people you've almost killed in 30 seconds.

Well, she... Her... Her face was buried in her phone, right?

I mean...

And that other big jackass, that bald guy.

What was he doing? Giving me the finger?

So are you gonna say something or...

You know, I could have said no to you tonight.

Yeah, you could have, but you didn't. So why?

Well, because...

Because I don't want this phobia to kick my ass anymore.

I wa... I want to be more like the old version of myself,

you know, back when I was, uh, you know, cool.

And I could touch stuff without being scared of it.

And I could go outside, and...

I didn't have to worry about everything that I...

interact with.

I'm glad to hear you say that.

I really am.

- What is that? - Oh, it's a present.

What are these? Ski gloves?

Are you kidding me? Ski gloves? No!

Those are Titan Fives.

Those are high flex, cut resistant. The best damn work gloves in the market.

Oh. Well, thanks, Dad.

Yeah, I mean me,

all the best plumbers in the world use them.

And, uh, now so do you.

- Okay. - Look at that. Fits like a glove.

Ooh.

Now, these things...

Not a germ in the world that can get through those.

Wow, that's really thoughtful of you.

Thank you for that.

You are most welcome.

So, what do you say?

Huh?

Yeah.

Hi. Welcome to Palmer Estate. How can I help you?

Thank you. We're here to fix Mrs. Applebaum's toilet.

Have you been here before?

Uh, yeah. Coming on and off here for years.

Right. I'm just gonna check the maintenance log.

Oh, okay. Sure.

It's a nice place.

Yeah. It's quiet.

I guess everyone's gone for the long weekend?

Yeah.

Uh, okay. Uh...

- Donahue Plumbing? - Yeah, that's us.

Well, Donahue and son.

Hey, I know you.

Uh, I don't think so.

No, no, I definitely do.

Um... Sonny.

Sonny. Right?

We had chemistry in first year.

- Hmm. - Right... Yeah.

What was your name again?

Patricia.

Yeah. You're pre-med, right?

Yeah. Good memory. Uh, I haven't had much time for school

since my dad got sick.

Ah! Sorry about that.

So you're a plumber?

Uh, just working with my dad.

Yeah. I don't want to interrupt all this,

but where's the guy who normally works here?

- Jeff. Jim. Jeff. - Um...

- Yeah, Jim. - Jim...

He passed away last month.

Yeah. Aneurysm.

We found him sitting in the lobby bathroom.

It was very uncomfortable for everybody.

Found him sitting on the toilet?

Yeah.

Hmm.

Well...

Shit happens.

Her colleague dies in the toilet and you bust out a "shit happens"?

How about a little sensitivity?

- I was being sensitive. - Well...

- Uh, where to? - Press two.

Two.

Work accident.

Well, I hear ya.

It looks...

No, it wasn't.

I changed my mind.

- It wasn't a work accident? - No.

Don't talk about it.

- Dude's creepy. - Yeah, really creepy.