Somewhere Boy

This programme contains very strong language, offensive sexual references

and scenes some viewers may find distressing.

# So very much in love

# I'm living in an ecstasy

# Now at last... #

Come on, we can't talk about it if you don't read it.

I don't want to.

Why not? Don't you like it?

I love it.

It's just a bit boring.

What do you want to do?

Tell me again about the monsters.

All right.

They used to hide,

pretend they were just like you and me.

Why did they hide?

Because...

..there was still enough good

in the world, I think...

..to make them ashamed.

There was so much good.

Like what?

Your mum.

She were good.

So, what happened?

They took that away.

Even that.

And then they stopped being scared,

the monsters.

Stopped hiding,

everything, all of it.

The whole world...

..smashed.

COMPUTER KEYS CLICK

And how did you feel when your dad wasn't there?

Scared.

And when he was there?

Happy.

How much of the time?

All the time.

What were you scared of?

The monsters.

What are you writing?

Did you ever see any?

No.

Then how did you know they were there?

Because they took my mum.

SLAPPING SKIN, WOMAN MOANING

Oh, it feels so good.

I've never felt this good.

Oh, it's good.

What are they doing?

What do you think?

I don't know.

They're just fucking.

What?

You know what fucking is, don't you?

HE LAUGHS For fuck's sake.

Is this really what people do?

Yeah.

Do you do it?

Yeah.

Like that? Yeah.

Do girls like it?

Yeah.

So what do you wank to, then?

You do wank, don't ya?

Oh. Oh, yes.

Well, what do you think about, then?

I think about Edna Purviance, mostly.

Who? Edna Purviance.

In Charlie Chaplin.

In A Woman Of Paris.

What you doing? Looking her up.

Oh, for fuck's sake!

State of you.

It's a cardboard box. It's not a cardboard box.

Well, what is it, then? It's a premium...

Right? ..cardboard coffin.

Jesus Christ.

Tell you what, fuck the coffin.

Let's see if we can fold him up and squeeze him into...

I'm just thinking... ..I don't know, a food bin or something.

That's not what I'm saying.

I just want everything to be

as proper and normal as possible.

Yeah, yeah. So don't you think we ought to tell him

that his mum was not gobbled up by goblins?

It's monsters. Yeah, monsters.

I know. They said that we need to take it slowly in case...

What? His bloody brain melts

and dribbles out his nose, I don't know.

What you talking about?

Hiya, Danny, love. Erm... Nothing.

Why don't you go sit down and...

..and I can make you some...some toast or...

So, family will sit near the front.

You can obviously sit together.

And then other friends,

other people will sit further back on the other side.

Have you ever attended a funeral before, Danny?

No. No, he hasn't, no.

I've seen some in films.

Oh, well, that'll do.

And what were they like, these funerals?

Very sad?

Lots of people in black?

Rain pouring down?

Well, I'm sure your dad wouldn't want you

to be sad, now, would he?

No.

So what say we have a celebration?

Of your dad,

with songs and stories...

..and no rain.

Can't promise that last bit,

but I'll have a word.

OK, then.

Now, why don't you tell me more about him?

HE TAPS ON PHONE

MOANING RESUMES

He told stories

and we watched films all the time.

And we played golf sometimes.

Where did you play? Downstairs.

He...he knew everything. About books and music.

And he taught me how to fix things

and how to shoot.

Ah! OK, a marksman.

What did he like to shoot?

Monsters. OK, right.

I think that's probably enough now.

Innit? Shall we...? What?

Shall we just get you back to the car, love?

No, it's all right. Erm, I'll just be...

I'll just be a couple of seconds.

What, you're not...? You just go on. OK.

Er...

Yeah, there's probably some things I should tell you

about my brother.

# A lot of nine-fingered boys

# In the village

# They haven't got much choice. #

Will you ring your dad, ask if he's coming to the funeral?

Aaron?

I'll ask him when he calls me.

He won't call you, though, will he?

You know what he's like.

I won't get a chance to ask him, then, will I?

Why won't he call you?

Cos he hates Paul.

He don't.

Don't he want to speak to you? Danny.

But he's your dad.

RADIO VOLUME BLASTS

# Take flight, take flight! #

Pow.

You look like a gangster.

Oh, well, yeah.

Pow. SHE LAUGHS

It's a bit big, though, isn't it?

Huh? The suit.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I were just thinking that.

That's just what I were thinking.

It's fucking shit.

No, it's just big.

Yeah, no, that's just what I were thinking.

Come on, let's have a look at some other sizes.

Danny, come on, let's see you.

I don't like it.

It's too tight.

It's stupid. What?

You look like a film star.

No, I don't.

It's not right.