The Office

It is 6 AM,

and Deangelo and I are about to go house to house

to give everybody their Dundies nomination certificate

just like the oscars. Yes.

And this happens every year? Every year this happens.

You have a lot to learn, my friend.

Well, you know, why don't we try it,

and if it goes good, it'll be part of my tradition.

Why are you even saying that? You're gonna love it.

Here we go.

This one. This way.

Nice house.

- Surprise! - Congratulations!

Yep.

You and Pam have both been nominated for Dundie awards.

Okay.

- Rawr! - There we go!

Have Pam come out. No, no, she's not here.

What's going on?

Stay in bed.

- Congratulations. - Stanley, we love you.

Have you lost your mind?

Get off my property before I call the police.

All right, we got it. Good.

- Leave it at the door? - Yeah, that's fine.

Okay.

Hey, Toby, you suck!

Is this an employee of ours?

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Gosh, I've never seen this place in the daylight.

This reminds me of Katrina.

Here we go.

All right.

You got it? Are we set?

Hello?

Oh.

I'm so busted. Walk of shame.

Do you usually leave your door unlocked and ajar?

Oh.

Nice!

I got a Dundie nomination.

- Yes, you did. - Yes, that's right.

No big deal. Congratulations, Meredith.

All right, well, we should head out.

No, no, no, you gotta stay.

No, no, no, I have vienna sausages

and I have napkins.

Let me fix you breakfast.

I'm not going in there.

Go.

Good morning, Erin.

Oh, hey, didn't see you.

Any big plans for tonight?

I don't know.

Maybe volunteer at the women's shelter,

go to bed.

Or, I don't know,

maybe I'm going to the Dundies!

Whoo!

You are getting so funny.

Very good.

The Dundies are my baby,

and they need to go on.

When Larry king died,

they didn't just cancel his show.

They got piers Morgan to come in and do his show,

and that way Larry lives on.

Anything can happen at the Dundies.

They're like the golden globes but less mean.

And I just want us to all have a good time.

Just a little announcement, folks.

Remember, the Dundies is a black tie affair.

Black tie optional.

Every day is black tie optional.

Fyi, tonight we will be hosting

at Louie Volpe's.

- Nice. - I love their breadsticks.

Oh, their breadsticks are like crack.

I love when people say "like crack"

who have obviously never done crack.

Well, their breadsticks are like what then, Ryan?

What can I use?

I don't know, something from your world.

"The breadsticks are like scrapbooking."

You're right. No, I'm a middle class fraud.

Shh, okay, okay, okay.

Everybody's right.

They're like breadsticks on steroids.

Right? Yeah, that's great.

So as you know, the Dundies are my legacy.

So I'm going to need to train a replacement.

So this year I have decided to have a co-host.

And that person is...

Deangelo.

Always the Padawan, never the Jedi.

Thank you, Michael,

but I will have to pass.

Think of it as part of your training.

I'm not much of a performer,

unless you count singing in the shower.

Boy, okay.

Okay, well, we'll work on it.

Look, I'm very, very bad. Very bad.

You're doing it.

Guys, I want you to help us work on some banter.

Yes, I love banter.

But I hate witty banter.

Here we go.

So, Deangelo, you and I have a lot in common.

You lost 200 pounds,

and I lose my car keys every morning.

That is true.

We do share some similarities.

I know how you can fix one of those problems.

For me, it was portion control.

For you, you need a key chain.

Maybe hang it on the--

Okay, okay, you know what, I didn't actually lose my keys.

- So this did not happen? - Mm-kay.

There needs to be what you call a rat-a-tat.

And right now it's all rat and no tat.

Ryan, come on up here.

Deangelo, if you would just-- Tap Deangelo out.

- If I can see it-- - Just watch us.

Okay, Ryan, how are you today?

Why don't you ask my therapist?

My mom certainly pays her enough.

There you go! Lovely.

Regis and Kelly. Nice.

Use that as an inspiration.

- Okay. - Just be funny.

Uh, you sir, are we having fun tonight?

- Having a great time. - Oh, good, good.

Where were you on September 11th?

No, gosh. No, no, stop, stop.

What? This is so weird.

If I'm conducting a meeting, good to go.

But if I think of it as a performance,

I fall apart obviously.

Why don't you think of hosting the Dundies

like you're just running a meeting?

No, no, no.

This is the performance of your life.

Why don't you just privately in your own head

think of it like a meeting?

Jim, please, no loopholes.

Mike, why do you have to control

how he perceives it in his mind?

This is my last Dundies ever.

If I want mind control over him,

is that too much to ask?

Me, mo, me, mo.

Good. Good. Good. Good.

Now tell me something terrible that happened in your childhood.

When I was very young, my mother divorced my father

and I had to go to court to choose between them.

Too personal.

I don't wanna hear about that stuff.

Let's try this, put this on.

I am going to turn this on.

And turn the volume all the way up

so you can't-- That's right!

You're not going to be able to hear yourself.

Read this and it's going to sound perfect.

"The Dundies are com--

"All about coming together!

"And recognizing the indomitability

of the human spirit!"

Say it with an accent.

"The Dundies--"

- The Dundies! - The Dundies!

I just don't understand the desire to push

sweet potato fries on me.

I just want regular fries.

Yeah.

Oh!

Hey, Erin, everything okay?

Get away from the car. He's gonna see you.

Who's gonna see us?

Just get in, get in. Just get in.

Get in the car?

Please! Sorry.

Get in.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

What's wrong?

I eat lunch in the car now.

It's my alone time.

It's just nice to have some time away from Gabe.

Why don't you want to eat lunch with your boyfriend?

I really don't like spending time with him.

Don't you think it's better to tell him the truth now,

you know, rather than waste more of his time?

- I think I'm gonna go. - What?

- I think you got this. - Okay.

- Okay? - Yeah.

- All right? - Okay.

- Feel better. - Thank you, Jim.

I'm sorry,

that just wasn't interesting to me.

I can't just dump him, Pam.