English Teacher

- Bye, Markie. -See you this weekend, Evan.

-What? No, you won't. -

Evan, what time are you gonna get there on Sunday?

What? Getting where?

To Grant's house for dinner. You didn't get his text?

-Oh, shit. I'm not going to that. -What?

I don't like going to work events on the weekend.

-I need time for myself. -

When a principal of a school asks you to go to his house, you do it.

-Can I get a ride there? -Wait, what?

Yeah, fine. I'll pick you up at 3:30, Rick.

I can't hear you!

Markie, what is going on with your muffler?

The muffler processes the toxins from the engine into the atmosphere.

It's normal. It's completely normal.

-It's on fire. Look, it's on fire. - You're on fire, baby!

Nice one though.

Oh, shit. Shit. Shit.

Thanks again for the ride, dude.

I lost the charger to my Nissan Leaf, so I'm basically fucked.

You gotta get a new one of those. Markie's coming to this too, right?

Yeah, I bet he tries to hook up with Gwen.

He's not gonna try to hook up with Gwen.

Dude, he's always trying to pull some shit at these non-school-type functions.

Gwen does not know that Markie has a crush on her,

and Markie explicitly asked us not to say anything to her.

I'm not a snitch.

So don't make jokes about it in front of her.

Loose lips sink ships, and I love ships.

-Hey. -Hey, hey.

This is so exciting.

We're finally getting to see Grant's house.

-Like, we're going to Oz. Hi. Big hug. -I know. We've arrived.

What do you think this dinner party's about?

-I don't know. - I mean, it's obvious.

What's obvious?

-Grant. -What do you mean?

-He doesn't have much time left. -What?

He's sick, damn it.

-Oh, Rick. -No, that's not it.

-Look at the text. -I saw the text.

"Hello, all. What a wonderful and uneventful week it was." Depressed.

"As you four are special employees in my life,

I'd like to finally have you all over for dinner Sunday.

I have a life-changing announcement."

This is it, y'all.

This is the Last Supper, okay?

-I've made my peace with it. -Okay.

It's all the plastics. He's eating so much damn plastic.

What's the wife's name?

Oh, shit. Uh, Jessica. What's the daughter's name?

Jessica again?

-Or no, Annie. Annie. -Ketchup?

-The daughter's name is Annie. -Annie.

I'm just thinking of my favorite food.

Welcome, y'all. Come on in. Don't be shy.

Grant's upstairs finishing getting ready.

I'm Gil.

Come on in, silly gooses.

Oh, my God. I have heard so much about y'all.

-It is so nice to meet you. -Heard about us?

- Yeah. -Hey, I'm Evan.

-Yeah. - Evan.

Grant told me a lot about you.

What did he say?

Just that you're a handful and that you're like the Dr. House of the school.

Yeah.

-Gwen. I'm obsessed with that hair. -Oh!

Sorry, what's your relation to Grant? Remind me.

I'm so sorry. I've gotta hop back in the kitchen and check on those shrimps.

Who is that?

Who the fuck was that?

He didn't even say hello to me.

I bet this is, like, the one other gay guy Grant knows,

and he, like, brings him here to set me up with him.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe everywhere we go somebody's always trying to set you up.

Welcome to my house.

You honor me with your presence.

-I love you, pal. -Thank you, Rick.

You look so hip in this newsboy cap.

Well, thank you. It's a special… It's a special night.

You remember my wife, Sasha.

-Sasha. Oh! -Sasha! Yeah.

I was just saying we love that hat.

Oh, I know. Doesn't he look so sexy in that hat?

She likes it when I dress up like Stanley Tucci.

-Aw. -Come, come. I'm in the kitchen.

We still have so much work to do,

and I want you all to meet our beautiful daughter Abby.

-Hi. We've never met. -I've heard so much about you.

Nice to meet you.

-I'm really sorry. -Hi. Uh…

And you've already met, uh, Abby's boyfriend, Gil.

Mmm.

That's me, big bad boyfriend.

Boyfriend. You're Abby's boyfriend. That's awesome.

-You're so funny. -Yeah.

Hey, hon, just be careful. You gotta cut the heads off those shrimp,

otherwise they're… they're not gonna be dead.

-H… -How do you guys…

How long have you been together?

God. What, like, four years?

I mean, it feels like ten

-'cause we were Snapchatting all of COVID. - We were.

But then we got our shots and we met up at Starbucks,

and I saw her, and I was just so…

I was overcome by this very primal masculine urge to be with her.

They even kicked us out of Starbucks 'cause I couldn't keep my hands off her.

-They did. -She couldn't either.

And I just love her.

-Love you, baby. Oh. Yeah. -Yeah. See. Love you.

Sounds hot.

So I says, "Do you remember my pin code?"

He said, "No, I don't. I don't even know you. I just met you."

That guy, Gil, is dating Grant's female daughter.

-That is a puzzler. -That is crazy.

-It's crazy. -I mean, I'm open-minded,

but that guy is gay, right?

-Gay. -I'm losing my mind.

- Losing my mind. -I've never met a gayer person.

-Me neither. -And then he's like,

"We fell in love. I felt so much sexual chemistry with her."

-I was like, "Don't talk to me about--" -No chemistry.

You don't touch her. Yeah.

Look at these. There's still poop in the back, hon.

- I'm sorry. -It's okay,

but next time just look a little closer.

Should we say something to Grant about it?

Mm-mmm. Just leave it alone.

You shouldn't meddle in other people's relationships.

No, no, no. I've learned, in these situations, you should meddle.

You don't know this.

My sister had a two-year marriage with a gay guy.

Not that gay, but gay.

I knew he was, like, going to spas and on the apps,

and I never said anything.

And then they had this very ugly divorce

because he was cheating on her with, like, 11 guys.

What?

I never said anything, and she's never forgiven me for it,

so I've learned, when people are gay,

you have to start telling people early and often.

Heyo! Sorry we're late.

Uh, this is Brit.

That was my bad.

Blame it on the girlfriend for being late.

I was having a false alarm with one of my pregnant mothers.

-Girlfriend? -She was having Braxton-Hicks.

-You know, Braxton-Hicks. -Yeah.

I'm sure you all know what Braxton-Hicks are.

Sounds like a steak house.

So Braxton-Hicks is when you start having contractions,

but the baby isn't coming.

I know this because I'm a doula,

but I'm sure Markie told you this already.

He's a big talker. He's a big, big talker.

I talk about her all day.

I don't talk about these nerds enough,

-so that's Rick, uh, that's Evan. -Hi.

-Hi. - That's Gwen.

-Oh, Gwen. - Yeah.

Gwen, Brit. Hi.

-Markie, you're here. -That's the boss man.

Oh, you brought someone. Oh, that's… No, that's great.

That's great. We're Italian. We have plenty of food for everybody.

I'm not the only one who brought a plus-one, right?

I didn't mean to crash.

-Happy to have you. -You're not crashing.

-I'm gonna take the truck. -I'll get a ride.

-Thank you. -Evan?

-That's so silly. -Brit, come back.

Yeah.

Why don't you stay, and we'll get you a drink?

That is so nice.

Everything I've heard about you makes sense now.

You're the best, Gwen.

Okay. Let's go, sister.

-Let's get you a beverage. -Very sweet.

Yes, yes, yes. That's so nice.

I would love a drink at some point, I tell you.

She seems really exciting.

She's great, right? She's great.

I feel like you've barely talked about her.

It's early days, you know, but it's… it's fun. It's a lot of fun.

It's fun. It's a lot of fun. It's fun.

Grant, stop singing.

You know how much plastic this is leaving on your plates?

Rick, no.

You eat a credit card of microplastic a week, dude.

Just put it back. Put it back.

Hey, Grant, can I talk to you for a second about this Gil fellow?

-I think he's-- Ow! -Y'all talking about me?

- Oh. -

I'm sorry, I was just asking Grant what you were doing with the shrimp there.

Gil used to work at Benihana.

Yeah, I used to work in payroll,

but I think I got the gist of what those chefs were doing.

I picked up on all their little tricks.

Come on, Evan. Open up.