Howzat! Kerry Packer's War

Mr Packer. Mr Parish.

Mr Packer. Mr Steele.

Take a seat.

You got my letter?

Of course. And now that you're here we can...

So? How much do you want?

I have to tell you that

we've already sold the television rights to the ABC -

it's our usual practice, as you know.

Bullshit. You haven't signed anything yet.

The deal's done. How much is it worth?

Mr Packer, that's confidential. You know that.

200,000? A bit more?

I'll give you 1.5 million.

For the rights, the television rights, when that deal expires.

Three years. It's got to be exclusive, alright?

Right.

Why don't you put something down in writing,

and you can put in a bid for the commercial television rights.

Well, what the fuck do I want THEM for?

Blind Freddie will tell you

the punters will watch the ABC without ads.

As Bob said, we have a longstanding relationship with the ABC.

It's a valuable partnership and we're not breaking it.

Didn't you hear me? $1.5 million.

Give me something. I'll sign right now.

An exclusive contract? (LAUGHS)

No. I won't go to the board with that.

Come on, gentlemen.

There's a little bit of the whore in all of us.

Mr Packer... No?

We're sorry.

You will be.

('AM I EVER GONNA SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN?' BY THE ANGELS PLAYS)

Good evening, viewers.

Beautiful long run.

Well balanced.

It's short of a good length. He's shouldered arms, has Steele.

It's through to Marsh. The slips keeping the pressure on.

With a good round of applause.

Knott goes down the pitch for a little gardening.

He knows this is tough.

He's trying to adjust his eyes to the light, holding up Dennis Lillee.

I thought you got him in this over, Dennis.

Next ball, I think. Yeah.

It's unusual, but the crowd are loving it.

Steele comes forward to Lillee...

Oh, yes!

Fuckin' beauty!

What'd you get in this one? I dunno, Hoges.

Course ya bloody know - every cricketer knows every statistic

of every game he ever played in.

4/31. See?

Dennis, I'm not pissin' in your pocket,

but what you got, that's unique.

What about Thommo? Even Thommo.

What about Andy Roberts?

Oh, fuck, mate. Are you gonna be my agent with Austin, or what?

Well, me and Austin have to talk about it.

Ah, there's not much to talk about. I'm looking after the guy.

Nine months full-time cricket, best in the world.

Guess how much they paid him.

Eight grand.

Bullshit.

The bloke who pushes the sight board,

Dennis makes about the same money as him, so do the other guys.

That's bloody ridiculous. Me and Hoges can get that for two nights.

You're getting ripped off. Tell me about it.

What are they doing?

They got this great game in their hands, and these world champions,

and they've got no idea what they've got.

They should be selling stars like you.

Who's on this cricket board, anyway?

A bunch of...

Hi, Dellie.

Hi, guys. Don't get up.

What's this?

They gave it to me.

So how was the shoot? They're putting you on the cover, right?

Yes. What have you been up to? You said something, didn't you?

I might have had a little word to them.

I thought you might've. What'd you say?

Agent's secret. If I was to tell you, I'd have to kill you.

Right, well, it worked, smart-arse.

Lillee to Randall. Oh! Another one!

Oh, he's gone LBW, a magnificent delivery!

('KEEP ON SMILIN" BY JOHN PAUL YOUNG PLAYS)

Yeah, like a quiz show.

I'm a dog, right? The quiz master says, "What's on top of the house?"

And I say, "Roof, roof!"

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And question number two, he goes, "What's on the outside of a tree?"

Dog says, "Bark, bark!" Yeah, yeah.

So he wins. What does he win? Something like a bone, or...

What if we did it ourselves?

Signed up Lillee, all the other guys, put on an exhibition game.

You know, the Cream of Cricket, something like that?

And they get paid most of the gate.

We tell the board to pay it straight to them.

Advertise it like buggery, get a big crowd in. What do you think?

We gotta do it.

Dellie, if there was a cricket game

with all the top guys in it, would you go?

Is David Hookes playing? Yeah.

I'm there.

The best cricketers in Australia,

all on one ground, all at the same time.

What we need is someone with deep pockets and big balls.

Bloody hell.

Thanks, Rose. What the fuck do you want?

I've got an idea. Right, hang on.

Now? Yep.

Uh, Rose, come in here, will you?

Well? That should be OK.

Rose! Get in here!

Yes, Mr Packer?

Can you hear me on the speaker?

No.

No. Christ's sake, get this bloody thing working!

Yeah, no worries.

Oh, leave it. Come back later!

Sorry, Mr Packer, I'll have to rewire it later.

Yes. Get out!

What kind of idea?

How would you like some cricket on TV?

A one-day cricket match.

The best cricketers in Australia against the best in the world.

What about the cricket board?

Fuck 'em. The cricketers are getting shafted, Kerry.

The board's making millions, players get practically nothing.

So I've heard.

We blitz the airwaves. Make it a big event on Channel Nine.

What, you can get 'em?

Starting with Dennis Lillee. I'm managing him now.

And he reckons the others will be up for it.

He'll do the initial contacts, talk to the players first.

So what I've got here is a couple of fuckin' comedians

coming to me with a major business deal.

Correct.

Yeah, come back tomorrow, son. I'll think.

A huge one-day carnival game at the end of the season.

Hang on.

Sit down.

So you got Dennis Lillee. Can you get Ian Chappell?

Yeah.

Thomson? Rod Marsh, and Walters?

Easy. Dennis will get 'em for us.

What about the rest of the world?

You know, uh, Tony Greig or Imran Khan or...?

Kerry, they're all getting screwed.

OK.

OK.

We don't piss around with some exhibition match, son.

We do it properly. We sign 'em all up and we... we have a competition.

Right.

Oh, but the board can't find out anything or they'll kill it.

How good are you at keeping secrets round here?

Oh...

We're the best in town at that, son.

Nice, Chappelli. Oh, thanks, Len.

Just got a call for you from Sydney.

Austin Robertson wants you to get on a plane. Says you've got a meeting.

Right.

Meeting with who? He was all secretive. What's it all about?

No idea, Len.

Chappelli. Kerry.

Who are you supposed to be, some kind of a fuckin' cowboy?

Austin.

Kerry.

How is it playing for little old North Melbourne

after all the heights?

It's good. I enjoy it. Good.

Austin tell you what we're up to?

Mmm. What do you think?

It's probably worth a shot.

Good. So, who do you want in this team of yours?

Mine? Hang on, Kerry, I'm not captain anymore.

My brother's Australian captain at the moment.

What do you think this is, son, a fuckin' democracy?

I'm payin' the fuckin' bills, you're the fuckin' captain. Here.

Have a look. See who else you want in this team.

Who put this together? I did.

Chappell, Chappell, Chappell.

This a family show, is it?

Edwards, Hookes, Robinson, yeah, Brighty, McCosker, Davis.

Yeah, that's good.

FOT. Hang on, where's Rowdy?

No, I'm not paying for that fuckin' straight breaker.

Oh, Kerry, he's good. He can bowl.

Didn't ya hear me? He's not getting a contract. Nor is Gary Cosier.

Cosier's a good bat, Kerry.

Mmm. OK.

Good.

Well, I have to say, it's about bloody time.