Young Sheldon

A simile directly compares two things,

using the words "like" and "as."

"I slept like a log."

"I'm hungry as a horse."

"Your love is like bad medicine."

Exactly.

That's Bon Jovi.

Okay.

His hair is awesome.

Moving on.

Metaphors are different from similes.

I've been called a germophobe,

but I do find a single sneeze acceptable.

It could be caused by dust, allergies...

Really, whatever nasal irritant floats your boat.

However...

during flu season...

a second sneeze means a plague is upon the land,

and it's every man for himself.

Where do you think you're going?

Away from you.

Why's that?

I want to live.

I'm not sick. Get back in your seat.

No, thank you.

You know the rules.

You can't leave without a hall pass.

May I have a hall pass?

No, you may not.

Now get back in your seat.

Rules are the pillars of society.

I love rules.

But what benefit are rules to a dead man?

*YOUNG SHELDON* Title: "A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek"

Excuse me.

Do I look like I'm getting sick to you?

You look a little pale.

Okay, good, that's normal.

Now, I understand Sheldon is an exceptional child,

all right, but when he

willfully disobeys the order of a teacher,

there needs to be some consequences here.

Oh, we couldn't agree more.

What kind of punishment are you thinking?

Well, Mary, in a case like this, a few days of detention.

Really? That seems a little harsh.

Oh, detention's no big deal.

Now, my principal used to whup my ass with a paddle.

That got my attention.

Oh, yeah. Those were the days.

Still have mine.

Ah.

Ol' Spanky.

Whoa.

- Got a real nice grip on that thing. - Yeah, George.

Had the equipment manager over at the Astros make this for me.

The holes in it...

cut down on wind resistance.

Smart.

But these days you have to have a consent form

to whack the kids.

I don't know where this world's headed.

You ought to get one of those for when Georgie acts up.

Like you never thought about going upside his head

with a slab of wood.

You know, there was a time this thing gave me tennis elbow.

Okay, Sheldon, come o...

Where'd he go?

Thataway.

What you doing, kid?!

Enjoy this. It is, by far,

the most athletic two minutes of my entire life.

It's not funny.

Oh, come on, now.

Sheldon in detention... That's funny.

I actually think it'd be good for him.

He needs to learn he's not special.

But he is special.

You know what I mean. He can't just

walk out of a classroom 'cause he feels like it.

He was worried about catching a cold.

That is a legitimate concern.

And now he's in danger of being mugged

by a roomful of hoodlums.

He's not getting mugged.

It's half a dozen kids doing homework

while a teacher watches 'em.

Although it might not hurt to give Sheldon a few dollars

to buy himself some protection.

That's actually not a bad idea.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Is that chewing tobacco?

It's chocolate Bazooka. What do you want?

I have detention tomorrow,

and I thought you could give me some tips.

That was pretty badass, you walking out of class like that.

It was not my intention to be bad "A" word, but thank you.

The only thing you need to worry about in detention

is staying close to the teacher.

If he leaves the room, you go with him.

Why?

'Cause you're gonna get your "A" word kicked.

Are you saying I'll be in physical danger?

It's all the worst kids in school

in one room for an hour.

What do you think's gonna happen?

I thought we were gonna spend the time regretting our actions

and thinking about how we could be better in the future.

Well, you thought wrong. Get lost.

You're both mean and nice to me.

It's confusing.

Maybe I'm doing this wrong.

Have you ever been in detention?

No.

But I do take the school bus.

And that is no party.

It's like a mental hospital on wheels.

That's a good use of simile.

Thanks.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

I hope.

Hello. I'm here for detention.

Where is the teacher?

Not here yet.

Oh.

I have three dollars.

Feel free to share it with the others.

Would you prefer a piece of paper?

I have some in my briefcase.

It's here if you change your mind.

All right, losers, you know how this works.

One hour, no talking, no horseplay.

Sheldon?

Hello, Mr. Givens.

Why are you here?

I didn't want to catch a cold from Ms. MacElroy,

so I left her classroom without a hall pass.

Well, something is going around.

I actually had a little tickle in my throat.

Okay, time to go. Nice meeting you.

Whoa, what-what are you doing?

You've heard of fight or flight?

This is flight.

Not so funny now, is it?

No. How long is he suspended for?

A week.

And it goes on his permanent record.

Well, that's no big deal.

I had all kinds of stuff on my permanent high school record.

Didn't stop me from being a bartender for eight years.

I think the real issue we need to deal with is his germ phobia.

Oh, yes, you don't

want him turning into Howard Hughes.

Growing his nails out.

Peeing in a jar.

- Why would he pee into a jar? - I don't know why he peed in a jar,

I just know he did.

I hate to say it,

but I think we need help with this.

- Like what? - Maybe we could

take him to that nice doctor who calmed him down

when he was convinced he had an enlarged prostate?

Sheldon only calmed down when the doctor told him

what happens in a prostate exam.

Poor thing.

Still talks about it.

Thank you for seeing us, Doctor.

No problem.

So, what do you got today, Sheldon?

Rickets? Rabies?

Early-onset menopause?

Is he making a joke?

I believe so.

Humorous.

- Hmm. - Sheldon's not sick,

but he has become overly concerned with getting a cold

- or the flu. - Well, any symptoms...

Runny nose, achy,

- sore throat, fever? - No.

All right, well, Sheldon, if you do catch a cold,

or even the flu, it's... it's not the end of the world.

The flu was the end of the world for half a million Americans

during the influenza epidemic of 1918.

- Really? - In India

17 million people died.

Okay, I think we're getting off the subject. Doctor,

Sheldon is afraid to go to school

because he might get exposed

to some kind of bacteria or virus.

So he's got a phobia?

It's not a phobia if the threat is real.

You're a doctor, you should know that.

Sheldon, you have nothing to worry about.

Even if you did get the flu,

it's usually over in a week.

Why are we getting medical advice from a man who smokes?