Venice Is Not in Italy (Venise n'est pas en Italie)

VENICE CALLING

Ok, that's no surprise.

Who can help Theo?

Great solidarity!

Ok, Emile. You try.

No...

You'd prefer detention?

Hurry up.

All right!

It's not rocket science.

Jeez!

Here's the shitty little creep.

Want your ball?

Fetch!

Why an "E"?

So I recognize it.

Cos my name's...

E...Emile.

Ok. Bye, E...Emile.

I'm Pauline.

You're busted, lover boy.

No way, no one's busted.

Lend me your phone.

If she wants your digits, you're screwed.

Your mom's here!

No way! What a drag!

Why're you here?

I made a gluten-free cake and brought you a piece.

I'm not in kindergarten!

What's that?

It's not mine, it's Jerem's.

I tasted it.

You're a big eater.

Yeah, wild.

That's full of palm oil.

It costs a bomb.

You pay to be poisoned.

Here.

I have work.

What a nightmare.

- See my life? - Yeah, ugly.

Mom's like maths. With her, the problems multiply.

I know a new theorem now.

The theorem of Pauline and the ping-pong ball.

Pauline hands you a ball

in the afternoon,

you spend the evening looking at photos of her on the Net.

You can't fight it, it's mathematical.

There's one problem I couldn't solve.

How can a girl like her take an interest in me,

with my bedroom in the neighbour's garage,

cos I don't have a house?

Hello.

Hello, Emile.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, son.

I'm tuning my energy with the rising sun.

It feels so good!

Try it.

People already think we're the Gipsy Kings...

You'll see.

When we have the best house on the street,

they'll eat from your hand.

Talking of hands...

I'll pass you the bird's tail...

Take it from me.

No, it'll only shit on me.

I'll take it back.

Hi, Mom.

Here.

Enjoy, sweetheart.

Take Omega 3 while I do your beetroot juice.

Why is the gross stuff

best for your health?

That's life.

The price you pay.

Here,

look at this.

Here you go... Mobile phone waves.

If you want a tumour at 20...

It won't happen to us all.

Some are spared.

But don't be surprised if you end up with a golf-ball-sized tumour!

You'll catch your death!

Far from it. I'll live to be 100.

In Japan, on Okinawa, they bathe in frozen lakes.

St Exupéry said, "Man discovers his worth

in adversity."

Try discovering the shower.

And be tidy for once.

Damn this caravan.

You'll miss our bohemian life.

- I don't think so. - I do.

We'll do your dye before homework.

Your roots are showing.

Mom has dyed me blond every month since I was seven.

What's up with you? You moan all the time.

We can stop if you want.

But it would be a pity.

We can't do it all my life.

Either you're naturally handsome, and that's rare,

or you optimize your capital.

- Six minutes. - Eight.

It needs time to work.

I love it!

Go back. I love this one.

Shall we dance?

You can't dance to that.

Forget the music,

let the body rejoice.

I won't rejoice much this morning.

You're a queen.

Queen of fools.

No, my queen.

There.

David Guetta.

I'd prefer Brad Pitt.

You're blonder?

No, rubbish.

You are, you're blonder.

You're blonder!

Shut your mouth!

Mom!

What happened?

Thank you.

Sorry, Marie-France. It won't happen again.

Emile will apologize to Alicia.

I barely touched her. She dissed me.

Apologize to Alicia.

Sorry.

She's smart. We lighten his hair.

It suits him.

But he hates it.

You're a drag! I don't believe it!

Chill. Relax, kiddo!

Marie-France can keep a secret.

Right? She's like family.

Yes, don't worry.

He's right, it suits you.

I told you so.

I'm lucky.

I'm naturally handsome.

I'm different.

Women seem to like me.

Life's full of mystery.

Women like me, what can I do?

You have a real beauty

with Alicia.

Thank you.

Runs in the family.

Did you ask the mayor about my building permit?

Yes, but there's no news.

I'd have said.

You'll manage to pull strings.

I'm trying.

It's not easy.

Of course.

My mom talked about phone waves. Does your head ache?

Right away, if it's my mom.

Hi, Emile.

Hi.

When can we play ping-pong?

When you want.

Ready?

Shit...

You're a disaster!

He's better at maths.

He is?

I'm really bad.

Want some help?

You bet.

Saturday afternoon, my place?

I'll work it out.

Why spin her the "I'll work it out" line?

You're bored stiff on Saturdays.

My dad says make a girl think you're busy.

You listen to him?

Not always.

It's not all good.

What's up?

The town hall has pre-empted the land.

Your dad's working and can't answer.

It's him!

Don't worry, baby.

It'll work out.

We'll manage.

I paid deposits to the mason, plumber, roofer...

No salesmen allowed.

I'm not a salesman. I'm a security system consultant.

Armoured doors, video-surveillance...

Same difference.

It's the same.

Yes, Chamodot.

I'm expected.

We could lose the lot!

We'll manage.

We'll manage like always.

Give me a minute.

Don't hang up.

Bernard Chamodot, security consultant...