Dummy

Good morning.

Oh, I'm starving.

What's for breakfast, bitch?

Ooh, you look rough in the morning.

Ah.

Babe, I had the weirdest dream.

Huh?

Yeah, I was, like...

Hey, babe?

- Hmm? - What you up to today?

Nothing.

Want to come to my ADR session?

All right. That's a wrap.

- I think we're all set here. Sounds good, Jason.

I'll get the stems uploaded

to the FTP and ship 'em off to Editorial.

Rick and Morty is literally my religion.

I wanted to do a voice since season one,

and my agents were all like, "Oh, but we got you

this part as this hot girl, and she doesn't know it".

Who needs that?

Oh, and I have to say, that apology

you gave about crossing romantic boundaries in the workplace?

- So beautiful. Thank you.

Um, I actually talked about it on my podcast.

I, uh, have a podcast about, uh, Jungian archetypes

in the world of cosplay.

Oh, uh, could I grab a hot water with some lemon?

You made me scream so loud on that last take.

Oh, no, this is my girlfriend Cody.

- - Hi.

- Oh, my God. Hi! - Hi. So nice to meet you.

- Oh, I'm so embarrassed. - No, not at all. It's fine.

- I can... - Forget I said anything.

- Cody's a writer, too. - Oh, wow!

- No, not like Dan. - Oh, two legends at work?

Is that what that is?

No. No. Um, I can get you the water, um...

- No, no, no. Please. - I'm happy to do it.

- What are you doing? - It's totally fine.

- I can get the... - Tell her to stop. No.

Bean?

Huh?

You okay? What happened?

You've been gone for, like, ten minutes.

Oh, shit. Yeah, I'll just bring it to her right now.

Oh, no, she left already.

Oh.

- You bummed you couldn't valet her car? - Shut up.

I bet you she has some dry-cleaning

- she'd like you to pick up. - Don't.

Stop. I was just trying to be nice.

Are you okay?

Yeah, um, you know, I think

I left my, um, computer charger at your house.

Is it cool if I go grab it?

Oh, yeah. I, um...

I have a spare key.

Okay, cool. I'll just...

Psych!

- Oh, what the fuck?! -

Fuck, man! Shit!

I knew you were gonna come back here, being like,

"Was that a dream? Was that drugs?"

I was like, "I'm gonna prank this bitch".

Did you see me? I was like...

Stop. Stop! That freaks me out!

Oh, my God. Your face is so stupid.

- You suck, dude. - You suck.

- You suck. - You suck.

You ready to do this?

What?

My pussy. I've got, like, years' worth

of Dan's pole milk congealed up in there.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

This isn't real.

: You're not real.

: I'm real.

But...

the yeast infection I could get is real,

so I'm just gonna... do this.

Oh, I love baths!

I love how at first, it feels like they're so hot,

and you're like, "I'm gonna fucking die.

It's like my skin's gonna crawl off".

And then it gets kind of cold and it's just heaven.

Oh, it's 'cause you saw my perfect body, huh?

What?

Why you're in such a bad mood.

No. No.

Is it because you're scared Dan's gonna cheat on you

with the redheaded actress from that nerdy podcast

who's like a way less hot version of me?

No. Barbara, I'm in a bad mood,

because I'm having a fucking nervous breakdown.

My boyfriend's sex doll is talking to me.

Okay. I don't know if you're trying

to diminish my self-worth by calling me a sex doll,

but I have news for you, babe.

We're all sex dolls until we topple the patriarchy.

Great. That's great. You're a feminist sex doll.

Yeah. I am. Yeah.

I've read The Feminine Mystique, so, yeah.

No, see, no, you haven't.

You're just me.

You're not your own person.

And I haven't read The Feminine Mystique.

I just pretend that I've read it

when it comes up in conversation.

- So you can't have read it. - I have read it.

Tell me one thing about it. Tell me one thing.

You know what, Cody? I'm not gonna sit here

in a bath in my peaceful time for me

- and justify myself to a crazy person, okay? -

I mean, you've got a dark cloud energy.