Private Eyes

Wow. Better than I remember.

Then you've got a bad memory.

No. No.

I have to go to work. You mean downstairs?

Oh, stop it. Don't you have lives to go save or something?

If you're talking about the ER, this week has been all toothaches

and sprained ligaments. Oh, and one bout of food poisoning.

Guess you'll have to go back to Nigeria to get your fill.

Actually, this city is kind of growing on me.

Keep Saturday night open.

I have a surprise for you.

Oh.

Everett Investigations.

Oh, yeah.

Sure. OK.

What's the address?

Yeah, that's right. Saturday night.

We're gonna need the whole place. It's my daughter's birthday.

Alright, I'll swing by and bring you a cheque later. Thanks.

It's Jules' birthday? Yeah. 15th.

You're having a party? Just a little something

we're throwing together, just some Ellard students

and their parents. You wouldn't want to be there.

Not that you were asking to be there.

You don't want to be there, right? Yeah, no...

Not unless you want me to be.

Hello.

Hey, um, Danon and Brock, 30 minutes? What do we got?

I'm not entirely sure, but the woman on the phone

was pretty upset. She said it was something about a...

dead body.

Not exactly what I had in mind. Ditto.

Hey, uh,

what's going on with your hair? Nothing.

I just didn't have time to blow dry. Mm-hmm.

And why's that, Ms. Everett?

Whatever. You have lipstick on your collar.

Hi. You must be the Pls? Yes. I am Angie Everett.

This is my partner, Matt Shade. Hi.

Hi. Jacinta Kalfas. I need to preface with...

This has never happened to our business before.

This way.

It was supposed to be Leo Stewart's visitation

and cremation this afternoon. Father. Grandfather.

President of his mining union. Recreational bowling champion...

Right. So what's the problem?

This is not Leo Stewart.

That's not Grampie Leo!

That's not Grampie Leo!

That's gonna require some therapy. It was awful.

Why don't you start at the beginning?

Um, OK.

So we got a call from Leo's daughter Esta.

She wanted us to provide funeral services for her late father.

She wanted a simple closed-casket visitation

followed by a cremation. So you had the right body

until... Turns out we never did.

My sister Hanna picked the body up...

Jacinta? Hanna, great, there you are.

These are the Pls that I was telling you about.

I thought we were going to talk about this.

Is there a problem? We can't really afford your services.

Hanna, we lost a body!

How are we gonna recover from that if word gets out?

We're struggling financially. Our parents retired 7 years ago,

leaving us the business... They don't need to know

our whole life story, Jacinta. What about the Stewart family?

What are we supposed to tell them? Oh my gosh.

Those poor people.

Fine. I was the one who picked up the body

from the hospital. And you didn't notice

you had the wrong guy? The toe-tag said Leo Stewart.

We didn't have a picture yet.

And what about afterwards? Who dressed him?

I did. But it was a closed casket service,

so I didn't focus on the cosmetology part.

They're antacids, Jacinta, not candy.

Look, I called the hospital morgue

and they told me the records check out.

So you have no idea who this guy is?

No.

When's the funeral service? Tonight at 7.

Esta has agreed not to tell the rest of the family

until we find the body,

but we need him back by tonight.

If you could please, please keep this quiet...

We'll do our best.

Thank you.

The hospital morgue is downtown, but traffic is a headache.

Speaking of which.

Hello, Becca. Did you book the venue?

If you're gonna screw this up, can you tell me in advance?

Angie's here. You're on speaker.

Oh, hey, Angie! Hi, Becca.

It's Jules' 15th birthday this weekend, and I am just

spread a little bit thin... Which is why I told you

I'd take care of it. And yes, I booked the venue.

And the cake? Ordered it.

And the DJ? My next call.

I gotta go. But Shadow,

Jules is at Ellard now. And this is vitally important to her.

Don't screw it up!

Didn't we just establish that I...

Why does Becca think I can't handle this?

Hey, do you wanna come? Oh, I would,

but Ken made plans for us. It's some surprise.

Really. What kind of a surprise?

I have no idea.

Interesting.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, it just seems like you guys are progressing quickly.

Not at all. It's totally casual.

Whatever you need to tell yourself. Yeah? What about you and Mel?

You seem to be spending a lot of time together lately.

Did you invite her to Jules' party? Uh...

Sort of. Oh look, here we are.

I don't really know what to tell you guys...

Well, could you try to tell us something?

Like, how this could have happened?

A person dies, they're brought down here,

the funeral director comes by, gives me a wave...

That doesn't seem very secure. They're dead bodies,

not bars of gold.

I mean, there's a toe, there's a tag,

they take 'em away.

Does the hospital keep a log of all the bodies

that come through here? Not really.

I mean, I could pull the files of all the people

who died in the last few days. Great.

Yes. Good idea. Do that.

Here they are. Oh, um,

but I think they're, like,

confidential. Right. Listen,

how about you just do us a quick little favour and

see if this guy's in the morgue? Sure.

I kinda envy the guy.

A certain amount of cluelessness seems like bliss, no?

Here he comes. Nah, man.

Two bodies is all I got. One brown dude, one grandma.

Thanks anyway. And, uh...

good luck in life.

And what time was his visitation?

OK. Thank you.

Anything?

Well, I called all the funeral homes

that picked up bodies from Memorial Hospital that day and

I've narrowed it down to seven that could have been

switched with Leo Stewart based off age and closed-casket services.

Great.

What's the matter?

All their lives. They're so amazing.

According to his obit,

Larry here traveled to 80 different countries.

William served in two wars

and Cyril has 14 children

and 38 grandchildren. Perspective, Zoe.

I see vagabond, PTSD, and a man who farmed children.

What is my obit gonna say? My life is basically a series

of awkward moments separated by spoonfuls of peanut butter.

Yeah, that's right, 'Happy Birthday Jules.'

With lots of sprinkles and sparklers.

Yeah. Thanks.

DJ, venue, cake... done.

OK, calm down, Martha Stewart. Put on your best sad face.

And this tie. We have a bunch of Funeral Homes to visit.

You think one of them ended up with Leo Stewart's body?

They had to. And either they're unaware of it, or not owning up to it.

So we're going to sneak in, find the bodies

and check it out for ourselves. Hm! Sounds like

quite an undertaking. Heh, heh, heh!

No?

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

What was your friend's name? Dr. Ken Graham.

He impaled himself on one of his humanitarian awards.

It was awful. It's okay, babe.

Maybe take a moment in the bathroom?

Yeah.

And just like that,

Mel was gone. I told her not to wear heels

on the subway platform.

I need a minute.

OK. Zombies aren't real.

Zombies aren't real.

Six funeral homes down, one to go.

Here's hoping. Oh no, the visitation's started already.

Wait, look.

It's the John Doe from Leo's casket! Carl White.

Bet you Grandpa Leo's in his casket?

You keep watch, I'll take a look inside the casket.

OK.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise anyone was here.

I'll come back. No, no, it's fine.

I'm Jon, Carl's son. This is my wife Katie

and this is Ruby. And you are...?

Uh, Brad Wilson.

Thank you so much for coming. Yeah.

How did you know my dad? Uh... a few years ago,

we crossed paths. It was brief, but um...

he really impacted my life. Sounds like Carl.

Grandpa lived in our living room