Better Than Chocolate

You go, girl!

Yo, man, you still got those fucking allergies?

Fuck you, man.

Hey, look at the little baby angel Dyke.

What is that?

I don't want any trouble.

I asked you what that was. Can I have an answer, please?

Excuse me.

Fuck this. I'm out of here.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm OK.

OK.

Oh, yummy. Give it up for Maggie

from ten percent books,

making her lip-syncing debut here tonight at the cat's ass.

And remember, girls, she is single.

Ten percent books.

Honey?

Ten percent.

Margaret?

Mom?

You know, I've just had this terrible letter

from the university.

It was addressed to you,

so I opened it, and it's confirmation of your...

of your withdrawal from school.

I mean, I, um...

I thought you wanted to be a lawyer.

That was...

I've been trying to track you down for days.

So, uh...

So, what's up?

Mom, yes, well, I decided it was time

I learned about... Life...

From, uh, life.

And, uh...

I've got a really wonderful apartment.

In a really...

Interesting part of town.

Uh-huh.

It's big,

and it's cheap.

An apartment?

Really, and it's, um, it's big?

Because...

Oh, well, the reason I called

is because, um...

Michael and I are getting a divorce.

Finally?

I mean...

Are you OK?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just, you know,

kind of at my rope's end

about where we were gonna go, but...

I mean, if the apartment is as big as you say,

then Paul and I could come and stay with you.

I know it's gonna be hard

'cause he's gonna have to transfer.

Transfer? What do you mean?

Is there a high school near you?

No. I... I don't know.

Anyway, I have to call the bank.

And I'm gonna put the, uh...

Furniture in storage.

And then we'll be there on Friday.

OK? Thank you, Margaret. Thank you, sweetheart.

We'll see you soon. OK, bye-bye.

She's coming here...

To live with me.

No, no, no, no, no, she isn't.

This is my bookstore, where you work

and where I let you sleep on the sofa

in the back until you find a place,

which will be very soon,

because your mother's not coming here.

Try the sublets.

And tell your mother you're fucking queer

before somebody else does.

4 weeks only, then I'm back.

I'm gonna leave all my stuff.

You got a problem with that?

Oh, I'm sleeping on the couch where I work...

it's a long story.

I don't want to come back to any surprises.

Where are you going?

I'm off Thursday,

on the love that latex safe sex tour.

Oh.

I'm giving safe sex demonstrations

from Tuktoyaktuk to Yellowknife.

So, you want to take it?

You saved my life.

What... what titles?

I don't know.

They are holding up my fucking books

at the fucking border again,

and they won't even tell you what fucking titles?

These people don't fuck. That's the problem.

If any of those idiots from customs call,

I'll be on the phone

to the civil liberties association.

This is gonna ruin me.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Did you find a place?

Yes.

You did?

Yes.

Good.

Customs held up another order of books

at the border.

They're claiming the books are pornographic.

Hello! Which they aren't.

Well, maybe butches in chains is.

But so what?

You were great the other night at the club.

I didn't know you were looking for a place to live.

You could stay with me.

I've got some new toys.

5-speed vibrator,

magic eggs,

Clit-titious dancer.

No, but thanks.

Ouch. It's the plight of the bisexual.

Gay girls won't play with you.

You're not bisexual, Carla. You're omnisexual.

You're like that tornado in the wizard of oz,

sweeping up everything in your path.

You need to let go more.

Yep, that's me.

Letting it all hang in.

Oh, Carla, my mother and brother

are coming to stay with me,

and I don't want you to frighten them,

all right?

Promise?

Promise.

Hey, Maggie!

Hey, can you believe she's never been

in my coffee shop?

Tell her how great it is.

Hey, come on, I just got here.

I haven't been anywhere.

Come on,

tell her how great it is. Fuck.

It's great.Fuck.

Yeah, see?

Can I take a peek?

Oh, no, no, no. Could you maybe

just add a little bit more hair up top?

I mean, what is art all about, right?

Illusion.

Well, to quote whistler, a successful picture

is the thrust, movement, counter movement,

and final equilibrium of forms

and colors in pictorial space.

Which means...

More hair.

Yeah, just a little bit.

There.

Finished?

Done.

Minchia, Maggie.

Is that a good-looking guy, or what?

Whoo-hoo!

Hey, you know what I'm gonna do with this?

Gonna hang it up in my cafe.

I don't know, I'm thinking maybe you come in,

I give you free cappuccinos.

Yeah, it sounds great.

It's, um, still $20for the picture, though.

OK, free coffee for a month.

Do I look like I'm anywhere

for a month?

OK, with the coffee, you get my homemade grappa.