The Lost Battalion

(How can you stay when Uncle Sam leads the way)

Sir.

Brass.

He's one of those ritzies.

Patrol's coming in!

Fire!

Cover!

Fire!

Covering fire!

Covering fire!

Run!

Come on.

Keep moving!

Here!

Get this man covered.

Good morning, Captain.

Major. General Alexander wants to see you immediately.

What's going on?

I don't know. They're plannin' somethin' big.

Ten-hut!

Gentlemen.

General.

Colonel.

Men.

Three divisions, two American, one French.

We're going to attack along the Argonne Sector.

The 77th Division has orders to go in and clean out the Argonne Forest.

Major Whittlesey.

Sir.

Your Battalion is going to take and hold Charlevaux Mill.

General Alexander, permission to speak freely, Sir.

Major.

I lost a platoon just probing that area this morning.

We have to live with acceptable losses, Major.

Colonel.

Artillery reports, Sir.

Acceptable losses, General?

It's suicide to attack the Argonne in force when we are unprepared.

Why is it none of my other officers feel this way?

Did you study tactics and the art of war in law school?

General, we need time to resupply.

We are low on food, ammunition, medicines...

And whose fault is that?

I'm well aware of your civilian politics, Major.

It sounds to me like your heart is still in Wilson's too proud to fight.

A movement which ill-prepared our country for this war.

Or is there something else on your mind?

I will lead my Battalion into the Argonne,

but I doubt if you'll see me or my men again.

I guess we'll see what kind of man he really is, our New York lawyer.

Captain, check on the replacements.

We'll need every man we've got.

Yep, you got it.

Now most of these birds don't look like they could fly

halfway around the block.

For our gallant young men.

Compliments of the Ladies Audubon Society, Hampshire, England.

We're sendin' you back, buddy.

You look like the runt of the litter, huh?

Don't worry, Cher Ami.

You'll be all right.

Lieutenant Leak?

Yes, Sir!

I'm Captain McMurtry.

Welcome to the 308.

Captain, uh, there must be some mistake.

I'm supposed to be in a Texas unit.

Most of these boys are from New York.

I just don't understand a word these city fellers are sayin'.

You don't have to understand them, Lieutenant.

They have to understand you.

Now you call off those names and you get them on that truck.

Ethan... Ethanasikoss.

Ya... Yader.

Noder.

Yoder.

Le...

LePa...

Pasta?

LePastee?

Lipasti.

LePastee.

Uh, Krodi-shi...

Uh, Krodi...

Krotoshinsky.

Hey, how come you guys from New York call everybody Buddy?

You're not from the city?

Uh, Big Fork, Montana.

Never heard of it. I didn't know they left apple knockers into this outfit.

What you mean by that?

Hey, save it for the Hineys, huh?

What did he say?

Well, he thinks, uh, you might want to buy a bridge.

What bridge?

The Brooklyn Bridge! What other bridge is there?

What kind of an army is this? Come all the way to France,

they stick us with boys from Daisyville?

Hey!

Oh, my god.

Gas.

Slow down.

Yo, Rosen! Cepeglia. Get in the back. We're movin' on out.

Not us, Sarge. These guys are takin' us to the brig.

The Major wants everybody on the line. That includes you two.

Warden?

We caught them sneakin' into a French Whore house and

we just deloused them.

They'll be the prettiest smellin' doughboys in the trenches.

What's goin' on, Sarge'?

We're gonna march in a parade... in Paris.

So make sure you wear your medals.

SGT. GAEDEKEIAH right,

find yourselves a hole to crib out in, and don't try and do nothin'.

Hey, here the turkeys shoot back.

Now listen up.

The Krauts usually do not attack at night.

The most they'll do is send out some probes or a raidin' party.

You let me take care of that.

Just try to get some rest and some hot chow.

I'll teach you a few things tomorrow.

Get out of the way.

Well, this ain't so bad, huh?

All you gotta do now is keep your head down.

Right, lucky?

Thank you.

The new boys settled in?

Yeah. Boys describes them well.

What do you think of General Alexander's plan?

I'm a professional soldier.

I have the luxury of not having to think about that.

I don't want to hear that from you, Captain.

I want you thinking all the time

how we are going to take the Charlevaux Mill without killing all the boys.

I'll check on the replacements.

Sergeant.

Sir.

Lieutenant.

Morning, Sir!

We don't salute up here, Lieutenant.

I'm sorry, Sir.

My officers and men shave every day.

I'm sorry, Sir.

You're sorry about a lot of things.

Well, we got up here kinda late yesterday, and...

Is that an excuse or an explanation?

I'm not interested in either one.

I want you and your platoon squared away.

Make sure your men have full rations, plenty of ammo.

And wear that uniform properly.

Put on dry socks, if you have them, and straighten your helmet.

Lieutenant Leak, welcome to the 308.

This is a French cho-cho.

PVT. ROSEN". Sho-sha.

It's a piece of garbage. Don't worry about it.

Leave it to Henchman and Hollingshead.

Don't worry about mortars, tanks and artillery.

We don't have any of that, either.

Basically, we're mud crunchers.

Gravel agitators.

Infantry.

God, almighty!

That's just some travelin' salesman throwin' ice cigars.

German artillery.

Which brings me to stuff. There are two kinds of stuff.

Stuff going out. Ours.

Stuff coming in. Theirs.

Mud crunchers must learn to judge different kinds of stuff.

If you hear somethin' that whistles and knocks, that's Heir Wizbang.

Get on the ground.

Sometimes Heir Wizbang brings along his lady friend, Minnie Warfer.

Mienen Werfer.

Minnie Warfer sounds like one of those whining hot core ladies

on Tenth avenue.

Nah, it's more like the BRT comin' out of the tubes.

The thing is, they're real hard to judge.

So just hit the ground any time you hear somethin' like that.

And don't worry if it hits you, 'cause they got a lot of other stuff,

like Jack Johnson's whimperin' Willies.

G.l. cans, airplane bombs, machine guns.

And all sorts of potato masher grenades.

Don't worry about any of it, 'cause it all comes down to that.

When you go face to face with a mud crunchin' Hiney bastard,

with one of these at the end of his rifle, you'd better stick it in him

before he sticks it in you.

That... you gotta worry about.

Did he say to duck when the stuff sounds like a train?

Or was that the one that was hard to judge,

and we should get down when it sounds like a tea kettle?

PVT. LIPASTkNobody said nothin' about no tea kettle.

I don't drink tea. What does a tea kettle even sound like?

Knock it Off!

CAPT. MCMURTRYNeS, Sh'?