Jupiter's Darling

AS DICTATOR OF ROME,

I SOLEMNLY PROMISE

TO DELIVER OUR BELOVED COUNTRY

IN HER HOUR OF NEED.

TODAY OUR NORTHERN PROVINCES

LIE CRUSHED BENEATH THE HEEL OF THE INVADER,

THE BARBARIAN ASSASSIN HANNIBAL OF CARTHAGE.

BUT HANNIBAL'S LEGIONS DO NOT MAKE ME TREMBLE,

AND HANNIBAL'S ELEPHANTS

STRIKE NO TERROR TO THIS HEART.

YAY! YAY!

DEATH TO HANNIBAL!

LONG LIVE ROME!

HAIL, FABIUS! HAIL, FABIUS!

ALL HAIL FABIUS! ALL HAIL FABIUS!

MY SON.

MOTHER.

I'M PROUD OF YOU THIS DAY, FABIUS.

PROUD. YOU FULFILLED YOUR DESTINY

AND ROME'S.

I COULD NEVER HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU, MOTHER.

YAY! YAY!

WHERE IS AMYTIS? I DON'T SEE HER.

SHE'S NOT HERE.

BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

ON THE GREATEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE,

YOUR BRIDE-TO-BE SAW FIT TO MISS THE CEREMONY.

Man: HAIL TO FABIUS!

IF I KNOW AMYTIS, SHE HAS AN EXCELLENT REASON.

IT'S OBVIOUS YOU DON'T KNOW AMYTIS.

SHE HAS NO TRUE INTEREST IN EITHER ROME OR YOU.

MOTHER, HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING?

AMYTIS WORSHIPS ME.

AND WHO WAS HIS LOVE?

OHH!

WOULD YOU PLEASE GIVE ME THE MESSAGE?

I WAS TOLD TO GIVE THIS

TO YOUR MISTRESS PERSONALLY.

BUT I AM HER PERSONAL SLAVE.

IT IS FOR HER EYES ALONE.

AMYTIS, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

AHH! WHAT A DAY!

WHO'S THAT?

A MESSENGER FROM FABIUS MAXIMUS.

OH.

YOU MISSED HIS SPEECH.

SPEECH?

OH, JUPITER, I FORGOT.

WELL, THERE WILL BE MORE SPEECHES,

THERE ALWAYS ARE.

THE DICTATOR SAID

TO DELIVER THIS TO YOU PERSONALLY, MY LADY.

READ IT, META.

IT SAYS, "AMY--

AMYTIS, MY DOVE..."

IT DOESN'T.

GO ON.

"IF YOU ARE NOT INDISPOSED,

"WILL YOU PLEASE MAKE HASTE

"TO THE TEMPLE OF VESTA

"FOR THE CONCLUSION OF THE DAY'S CEREMONIES?

"WITH LOVE, FROM YOUR ADORING FABIUS,

DICTATOR OF ROME AND SLAVE TO AMYTIS."

OH, ISN'T THAT EMBARRASSING?

WELL, I SUPPOSE I'LL HAVE TO GO.

I COULD JUST HEAR HIS MOTHER IF I DON'T.

WATER THESE HORSES, PLEASE.

Slave: YES, MY LADY.

WHAT'LL I WEAR?

TELL FABIUS MAXIMUS HIS DOVE FLIES TO HIS SIDE.

YES, MY LADY.

YOU MAY COME WITH ME.

AMYTIS, DO I HAVE TO?

WHY?

BUT THE WAY YOU DRIVE!

OH, COME ON.

Meta: THE DOORS ARE CLOSED.

Amytis: THEY COULDN'T BE.

CENTURION, HAS THE CEREMONY ALREADY STARTED?

YES, MY LADY.

I'M AFRAID YOU'RE TOO LATE.

WELL, I TRIED.

META, LET'S DO SOME SHOPPING.

YES!

ALRIGHT.

HERE, TAKE THESE, WOULD YOU, PLEASE?

OH, UH, WHAT WAS THE DICTATOR'S SPEECH ABOUT?

HANNIBAL, MY LADY.

HANNIBAL. HANNIBAL!

IT'S ALL YOU HEAR. YOU KNOW,

I'M GETTING A LITTLE TIRED OF HANNIBAL.

A FRIEND OF MINE SAW HIM ONCE IN CARTHAGE.

SHE SAID HE'S BEAUTIFUL.

REALLY?

LIKE A GOD.

HMM. WELL...

HE WOULD CERTAINLY BE A NOVELTY AROUND HERE.

THE MEN IN ROME ARE ALL GETTING FAT.

TRY THE BOW, LADY, TEST YOUR SKILL.

ALL RIGHT.

OOH.

NO, NOT SPRINGY ENOUGH.

THANK YOU.

OH, THAT'S PRETTY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, META?

MAKE A NICE STOLE, WOULDN'T IT?

5 STRONG MEN.

WHAT DO I HEAR?

Buyer: 55.

Seller: SOLD! TAKE THEM AWAY!

WHAT?

THAT--THAT SLAVE.

A SOLDIER OF HANNIBAL.

CAPTURED IN THE BATTLE OF PATALONIA.

HE'S PRETTY, ISN'T HE?

DO YOU WANT HIM?

AMYTIS, WHAT A THING TO SAY.

JUST TELL ME.

IF YOU WANT HIM, I'LL GET HIM FOR YOU.

DON'T BE SILLY.

WHAT AM I BID FOR HIS YOUTH AND STRENGTH?

STRENGTH.

LET ME HEAR A BID. WHO'LL START IT?

BROAD SHOULDERS,

A SOLDIER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

DO I HEAR 500 SESTERCES?

COME, COME! WHO WILL SAY 500 SESTERCES?

500 SESTERCES!

Seller: 500 IS BID BY THE WIDOW TITUS.

OH, THAT POOR HELPLESS BOY.

Seller: DO I HEAR 6?

600.

AMYTIS, DON'T.

650!

Seller: 650!

700.

Seller: 700.

800! 750!

Seller: 800.

850.

900.

950.

Seller: WHO'LL SAY 1,000?

FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS,

WHO'LL SAY 1,000?

1,000!

Seller: MAY I ACCEPT THAT BID, MY LADY?

1,000.

Seller: 1,000 IS BID.

1,100.

Seller: THE WIDOW TITUS BIDS 1,100.

DO I HEAR MORE?

1,500 SESTERCES.

OHH! OHH!

I CONGRATULATE YOU.

WELL!

HE'S YOURS, LADY.

TAKE HIM.

I TOLD YOU SHE WOULDN'T BE AT THE TEMPLE.